If you want to call me vegan,
I'll not fight with you,
although the statement's not quite true
It's not exactly wrong either

It's true I don't eat meat, or eggs, or anything with wings or legs,
but in way of a confession, you might find in my possession
a leather belt or shoes,
which for a vegan is bad news

I don't really mean to quibble, concerning what I nibble,
but I'm trying here to say in this convoluted way
that for a vegan it's all about the animals
I'm not in it for the animals, but rather for my health and for the planet

I surely won't deny it -- I eat a vegan diet,
and to some degree I care what fellow creatures have to bear,
and resulting from my wishin' for optimal nutrition
they benefit from my selfish choice to not consume them

But in the end you have to see that I eat this way for me
I don't deserve the noble label, but when I'm sitting at your table,
if you want to call me vegan,
then I'll not disagree.

I'm eating kale to slim my waist
Lord knows it's not because of taste
It took some while to appreciate
The leafy green I love to hate

The fibrous queen of super foods
Can satisfy nutrition prudes,
And comes in leafy shapes galore:
Curly, Tuscan, dinosaur

For variation I can gnaw
This crucifer sautéed or raw,
Just as is, or baked as chips,
A smoothie blend to please my lips

But having said all that, I'll add
Too much of anything is bad,
And I've been craving, as of late,
A change of greens to grace my plate

I now peruse the produce aisle
To find the foods that make me smile
It's time to choose my next big thing
Like watercress or collards green

I'll greet my new nutrition trend
And say goodbye to you, old friend
Kale, we've had a lovely run,
But now my time with you is done.

(a limerick by Wayne Wysocki)

The tortoise and hare had a race
But the rabbit came in second place
      So the notion that speed
      Makes the win guaranteed
Just isn't always the case.

Mexican moon be bright,
Fill all the stars with light,
Shine down on my señorita;

Mexican mountains high,
Holding the velvet sky,
Sparkle for my señorita;

Mexican hearts be gay,
Bring your guitars and play
Music for my señorita;

Mexican melody,
Say that I'll always be
In love with my señorita.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.
Happy Christmas Day.
We have been bad, so now is the time
To bow our heads and pray.

    Happy Birthday, Jesus.
    What's it all about?
    You made the cake and you made the wish,
    But we blew the candles out.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.
Listen while we pray.
Please tell us why we can't get along
On this Christmas Day.

    Happy Birthday, Jesus.
    What's it all about?
    You made the cake and you made the wish,
    But we blew the candles out.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.
Though we've gone awry
Give us the strength and show us the way,
And we'll give it one more try.

    Happy Birthday, Jesus.
    What's it all about?
    You made the cake and you made the wish,
    But we blew the candles out.

Happy Birthday, Jesus.
Here's our gift to you:
It isn't gold or frankincense,
But a promise to be true.

    Happy Birthday, Jesus.
    What's it all about?
    You made the cake and you made the wish,
    But we blew the candles out.

spaceX dragon flies
upward to the space station
cargo delivered

I don't mean to anger or jar you,
But you've hit on a pet peeve of mine;
To answer your question, "How are you?",
I'm required to say, "I'm just fine".

I bought an interocitor and put it in my phone
Now I'm getting messages from galaxies unknown

Klaatu said Gort is broken down and waiting for some parts
From beyond the outer limits, not found on any charts

The Borg said they'll assimilate, 'tis futile to resist
The Thing said it would vegetate upon my groc'ry list

Teenagers from outer space we're in the Twilight Zone
The Blob said it could split in half to make itself a clone

The Robinsons still lost in space, forevermore to roam
Outer space invading soon, and ET phoning home

Arrakis said the planet Earth must meet the Guild's demands
Or Dune would send its giant worms to eat Saharan sands

For fear we'll be invaded and my body snatched away
And all the dreadful thoughts I've had, it's time for me to say

I've put my cosmic calls on hold because, for what it's worth,
I'm getting all the flack I need from good old planet Earth.

There was a man who bought a horse
From a rancher known as Joe,
But Joe explained things to the man
Before he let him go.

This horse is strange, the rancher said,
You command him not like others;
Say "Oh my God" to make him go,
To stop, say "Smothers Brothers."

He commanded sternly, "Oh my God!"
Once mounted on the steed;
At once the stallion started off
With a frantic burst of speed.

Toward a canyon cliff he ran,
Across the desert sands;
The man, in wild excitement,
Forgot the two commands.

In fear he cried out random words
As fast they neared the drop,
Yet still he could not find the phrase
To make the stallion stop.

He then remembered "Smothers Brothers,"
And yelled with all his breath;
At once the beast slid to a halt
An inch away from death.

Afraid to move, he gazed upon
The canyon deep and broad
He wiped his brow, and in relief,
He whispered, "Oh my God!"

A Jack-o-Lantern, it's said,
Had the brain scooped out of his head;
     He was only as bright
     As the dim candle light,
But boy was he handsome instead!

Two cigarettes and a beer, dear
That's how long I'll be here
If you never show
Then I'm gonna go
After two cigarettes and a beer.

You know I'm not big on forgivin’
And not much for talkin’ things through
But if you’ll swing on by
I'll give it a try
Though I don't think I'll hear nothin’ new

Baby I've heard your last reason
For standin’ me up like you do
You think it's all right
If I'm waitin’ all night
And that's why I'm just givin’ you

Two cigarettes and a beer, dear
That's how long I'll be here
If you never show
Then I'm gonna go
After two cigarettes and a beer.

Getting broiled in the daytime
And slow-cooked at night,
Could it be that
Al Gore was right?

by Wayne Wysocki

I live in a place called Oblivion,
Its location matters not;
You'll not recall or think at all
Of this forgotten spot.

But this is where you left me
When you and I were done,
And here I dwell, an empty shell,
While are you having fun.

I know your frequent fancies
Should have clued me from the start
How easily your love for me
Would vanish from your heart.

They tell me that Vladimir Putin
Called his guards and they started in shootin'
      Seems some robbers were struck
      With unfortunate luck
'Twas the bank where Vlad kept all his loot in.

Fancy Nancy O'Clancy,
From the fanciest part of town,
Came to the Saturday Dance
Wearing the fanciest gown.

The ladies all noticed how Nancy,
From the moment she took off her shawl,
Held all the boys in a trance,
As the fanciest girl at the ball.

I knew right away that miss Nancy
Would dance with each guy for a while,
But for me there wasn't a chance;
I knew that I wasn't her style.

The fellas all gathered 'round Nancy,
But through them, I managed to see;
Her eyes met mine in a glance,
And Nancy smiled at me.

My heart stood still for a moment,
My temperature rose a degree,
I thought there might be a chance
That Nancy would dance with me.

I walked 'cross the room toward Nancy,
Determined I wouldn't be meek;
I started to ask her to dance,
But I was too nervous to speak.

For a while we just stared at each other;
When the tension appeared at it's worst,
A voice from the crowd broke the trance,
Saying, "Look who she's dancing with first!"

Though trembling, I escorted Nancy
To the dance floor while everyone stared;
The music began and we danced,
And that's when I knew that she cared.

Fancy Nancy O'Clancy
Waltzed with me all through the night,
And since that Saturday dance,
She hasn't been out of my sight.

Now me and Nancy O'Clancy
Are married and glad as can be,
All because Fancy Nancy
Took a fancy to me.

I eat my cereal from a coffee mug as I wander 'round the house.
I suppose I could do it in public and not look out of place,
just another morning Joe putting something in his face.
I get stomach satisfaction that coffee sippers enjoy,
but with more nutrition,
and fiber.
Though I miss that coffee smell,
with spoon in hand it's all so grand to have my morning java status,
and gratis,
I'm having breakfast as well.

a limerick by Wayne Wysocki

A fellow who fractured his hip
Learned a valuable tip
     If liquor you drink
     At the ice skating rink
You're probably going to slip.

by Wayne Wysocki

          "If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." ~Tony Robbins


Our footsteps lead us 'round and 'round  
'Long avenues so few;

It's nice to take a turn and walk
Along a path that's new,

And meet some friends we thought were gone
Like "good" and "kind" and "true",

And maybe find a special friend
Before the walk is through.

The man on the flying trapeze,
Who loved eating chili and cheese,
     Could travel much higher
     Than anyone prior
With help from a flatulent breeze.

by Wayne Wysocki

Put some money in the KITTY,
It's PUPPY LOVE;
Better DUCK, 'cause I'm not LION,
It's PUPPY LOVE.

I won't CLAM up
Or FLOUNDER around,
I'm gonna HOUND you;
HOUND, HOUND, HOUND.

Mind your own BEE'S WAX;
PUPPY LOVE
Is bound to get your GOAT,
'Cause PUPPY LOVE

Is a TIGER by the tail,
But lots of fun;
It's PUPPY LOVE
And you are the one.

A poppy is pretty and bright
And its juice is so far out of sight
    That the smoke in a den
    Full of ***** old men
Makes all of them high as a kite.

Hello, my darling variable,
'Tis me, your dear unknown.
How'd you like to take a chance?
You'd not be all alone.

We'd make a fine equation;
'Twould equal none we've known.
Just you, my darling variable,
And me, your dear unknown.

There once was a banker from Kent
Whose life was fanatically bent
    On saving each quid
    Like no other did
And moaning with each pound he spent

The moist, warm fingers of the summer night
Sweetly caress and cling to me tight
In a dream so real--
It would seem I should feel at ease,
But the breeze isn't there,
And the warm, summer air disagrees

You warm my body with your summer kiss,
Smothering me with uneasy bliss,
Till I try to go,
And you sigh and say, "No, don't fight,"
Then delight me with charm,
In the lingering, warm summer night.

by Wayne Wysocki

 ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍­ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ "What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world..." -letter to a soldier's wife

The scourge of war has ripped our lives apart,
Indifferent to the joys that we will miss;
From this land and from your love I must depart,
With time enough for just one final kiss.

Determined that this moment never dies,
A picture on my heart I sorely trace
Of your tearful, somehow yet angelic eyes
And your trembling mouth my saddened lips embrace.

Antidisestablishmentarianism is a very hard word it's true,
But it's much more difficult just to say:
I
Love
You.

An embarrassing ****** occurrence
Led Johnny to want some assurance
          So ****** he took
          Then he gave it a look
And said, "Yeah, now I've got endurance."

The king of Saturn, it's said,
Has eyes in the back of his head
    To add to the brunt,
    He has none in the front
And so everywhere must be lead.

The king of Jupiter, too,
Has his head on, askew
    He says hello
    When he sees people go,
With only their backsides to view.

Your eyes of brown
Watched leaves of brown
Ride the cool October wind,

And your lips of red
A poem said
To guide me, should I go,

Then I flew away
Like the leaves at play,
But came to miss you so;

Now it's autumn,
And I return
To you and the October wind.

Ernest went to the doctor,
who said that his spleen must come out
The day that he went for his treatment
a rumor was going about

That the doctor was seemingly careless,
and leaving some sponges behind
So Ernest confronted the surgeon,
and gave him a piece of his mind

He ranted until he was flustered,
then after a calming down pause
Told him the staff should be looking,
accounting for sponges and gauze

The doctor was most reassuring;
he said it would all be okay
And told him that he and his nurses
would be looking in earnest today.

I believed before—
I let my heart go wild
Like a child who's never been deceived before—
Then she left me there,
Standing by the stair,
Left me crying,
Not denying
She'd been anything but true—
Oh, I believed before,
Before I knew.

I've believed since then,
And there've been more goodbyes,
And more lies that foolish me believed again;
And with each affair
I'd been unaware—
Not conceiving,
Not believing
What my heart already knew—
I've been naive again,
Wouldn't you?

Wouldn't you go on until
The very end of time,
Cry a million tears,
Through a hundred years,
To search for love sublime?
Or would you hide your heart away
In some dark and lonely shell,
And close the door
For evermore
On knowing love's sweet spell?

I'll believe again,
Without a backward glance,
Take a chance she's not the kind who'll leave again,
Because I know so well
Living in a shell
Isn't living,
Isn't giving,
Isn't anything at all—
So I'll believe again,
Each time I fall.

Isolated like a star
Each soul stands so apart
It takes a trek across the void
To touch a single heart

I was drifting in the dark
You made that journey far
And opened up my heart again
And brightened up my star.

Thank you for reaching out.

You hurt me and left me alone
With a heart that's too broken to yearn,
Then you called me and said on the phone
You were sorry and you'd return.

No thank you, I said, that's enough,
A moth in a flame has to learn;
And your heartbreaking love is too rough,
Now it's somebody else's turn.

Now somebody else will desert me,
Seems the people I love always do;
Now somebody else, dear, can hurt me,
But it's got to be somebody new.

Forget about me, we are through,
My future is not your concern;
I'll get hurt, but it won't be by you,
Now it's somebody else's turn.

There's a way to say I love you,
There's a way I never knew;
Now you can hear I'm sorry, dear,
For the slightest trace of the smallest tear,

But it's too late to say forgive me
For the things I've done to you,
For the way to say I love you
Is to love with a heart that's true.

Wouldst thou for me an air
upon thy tortoise lyre
play, and sing those words so fair
about the Isle of Tyre?

Within whose walls so grand,
there at bazaar would be
hangings made by weaver's hand,
and colored from the sea.

And ships of cedar made,
all crewed by ****** bold,
sailed to shores afar, to trade
for silk and spice and gold.

Consoled by sweet refrain,
I dwell in dreams of Tyre--
going home will e'er remain
my unfulfilled desire.

al-Baghdadi dead
Donald Trump proudly boasting
ISIS regrouping

by Wayne Wysocki

As the fence doth guide the rose
And support it as it can,
Thy love for me
Will always be
The strength behind the man.

Why'd you go and leave me gloomy?
Leaving like you never knew me?
Don't you know my heart can break in pieces?
How much can it take?
Each day my gloominess increases.

I play the clown, but they see through me--
The frown beneath the paint's the true me.
If I knew that you
Would someday come back to me,
Maybe then I wouldn't be so gloomy.

There once was a fellow from Blythe
In fear of loosing his life.
    He ended his dread
    Of winding up dead
When he cut off his head with a knife!

a limerick by Wayne Wysocki

There once was an arrogant frog
Who thought he was king of the bog
          But he wasn't so regal
 ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍‍‍‍‍ ‍‍­‍‍‍‍ When the bark of a beagle
Scared him right off of his log.

It's written down in cooking lore
That popping corn is quite a chore
It takes one man to hold the pan
To shake the stove takes four.

by Wayne Wysocki

Darling, I am sorry if it hurt you when I told you that we couldn't be together any more;

I never would have thought that any one could come between us, but it isn't like it used to be before.

Now I have found someone who needs me,
Like you needed me when we started;
It's not that I don't love you,
So let's still be friends, once we've parted,

And, Darling, I am sorry if it hurt you when I told you that we couldn't be together any more.

Necesas ne, ke vi atendu;
vi havas sufiĉe lernadon.
Parolas vi jam Esperanton,
se vi legas ĉi tiun skribadon.

by Wayne Wysocki

Everything you touch turns to stardust,
Every word you whisper is divine,
To me it's no surprise
That the twinkle in your eyes
Is brighter than any star can shine.

Everything you do is delightful,
Every little movement is supreme,
And I do suppose
Nearly everybody knows
You are the answer to a dream.

Didn't you know I dream about you all the time,
Even in the middle of the day?
And didn't you know that in my dreams you're so sublime?
I love you—
What more can I say?

Everything you touch turns to stardust,
Every word you whisper is divine;
You touched my heart a million ways
By whispering one little phrase—
You whispered, "I wish that you were mine".

Let the day begin with just a little bit of hope
Let the hope begin to grow, so every time you ***** or struggle
Confidence is yours, and doubt is only for a dope
A tug'll open all the doors of life with just a little bit of hope.

A sailor profusely tattooed
Enjoyed being secretly lewd;
    He took off his clothes
    Whenever he chose,
And looked not the slightest bit ****.

If the stars that shine in heaven
Counted our moments together,
I'd want more than all that number,
More than a heaven of stars.

And if every day that I'll love you
Will put one more star up above you,
When our days are at their twilight,
We'll have a heaven of stars.

May your house be free of dragons
May the sunshine follow you
May you someday find the very special kind
Of love that comes to just a few

May your house be free of dragons
May you find your cup of tea,
And number one son of a son of a gun,
May the one you find be me.

An unlikely pair of symbionts
In harmony do swim
Through sunny, tropic waters,
Beyond the coral rim;

'Tis strange, for one is monstrous
And one is like a lark;
How oddly they are mated,
The pilot fish and shark