Where other couples have songs
we had a movie.
A movie that we were watching;
when you first asked me out,
when you first kissed me.
I used to think our movie was ironic
a horror movie
to represent a happy relationship.
Now I'm wondering
if it was a sign of the destruction you'd cause.
Remind me to pay attention to the things
that represent a relationship.
Those things can show how the relationship will end.
And I'd rather it end like Beauty and the Beast
than Insidious...

The Love We Had Before

Where is it?
It was there before...
before we broke
before we burned
before our foolish ways destroyed us.
Why can’t we find it again
in search we crash into each other
destroying us further
never mending
always breaking.
Where is the love we had before?

You Gave Me A Promise

What is the end if not this.
You don’t speak the words you once promised.
My hope is there but I don’t know why
There is no hope left
yet I can’t stand as I’m hearing your promise again.
I’m holding and waiting and you’re promise is gone
but I’m not giving up
I need you and I can’t reach you
it’s like a torture thats turning me against myself.

Wrapped In Your Arms**

I used to walk alone
but now I’m here to stay
unable to move away
not wanting to leave your side
not wanting to be alone.

I can see clearer looking through your eyes
than I ever have looking through my own
but I can’t help but love the view I have
the view I have when looking at you through mine.

I’m home and I’m here to stay.
You cradle and protect me
and I know I’ll never be safer anywhere
other than you’re arms.

His eyes
blue like the ocean
burn me to the core.

His lips
speaking words like fire
that wash over me in a wave of glorious torture.

His voice
like a soothing melody
that sets me off like a balloon loosing helium.

His hands
soft to the touch
but rough in the places he touches me.

His name
like a curse on their tongues
but like a dream passing my lips.

He
is like an anchor keeping my feet on the ground
yet he's the wind under my wings keeping my head in the clouds.

I,
have issues.
But probably not the kind you think.
Mine were created by my father and big sister.
By their relationship.
I have strived for a better relationship
to be better at everything than her.
But I've given up.
I no longer see the point
When you're sixteen years old
And you're more mature than your forty-three year old father.
Even so I'm terrified I'll end up like my sister.
Albeit she's doing well now
She's a teacher and is happy
and, she hates our fathers guts.
I don't blame her though
when you're father calls you a *****
And accuses you of sleeping around
because you go to school early to get help.
I can see why.
It doesn't help when he sides with his sister-in-law
And he tells you to "respect your elders"
even though she tried to burn you with a firework.
I do blame her however
for that dark cloud over my birthday.
See the night I turned ten
she took those pills.
She drank that strawberry Hill Boonesfarm.
She tried to **** herself.
But see I'm the only one who remembers the date
I remember every detail of that night.
Every image
Every feeling,
Everything.
I remember the red and blue flashing lights.
I remember the gurney
I remember the cold of the night,
until I went numb that is.
I have no respect for my father
when you do that to a child how could you.
But I am terrified of that.
Terrified I'll end up like her
that I'll break
that I'll be the one on the floor unconscious.
He was trying to do better
but I think he's given up too.
And while my greatest fear is that I'll be like my sister.
My second greatest
is that I'll end up with someone like my father.

Her sweet chocolate blood
languidly screams
in the rain as she recalls whispers of love;
she aches as the sky sprays her with tears
like a storm in a dream.
She falls to her knees with her hands on her mouth
the feel of his last kiss remains on her lips.
His last loving touch on her cheeks.
His last words ringing in her ears.
Her lips he once kissed passionately are trembling.
Her cheeks he once touched with care
are now black from her running mascara.
Her ears he whispered loving words into
are filled with the rushing of the ocean.
She’s breaking, and she know’s
she’ll never get him back…

His bitter chocolate blood
languidly screams
in his room as he recalls whispers of love;
he aches as he stares at his paused screen
Call of Duty left forgotten.
He punches a hole in the wall with her necklace clenched in his fist
the memory of the night he gave it to her engraved in his mind.
Her last kiss tasting of sugar cookies.
Her last touch as she played with his hair.
Her last words ringing in his ears.
His lips she once kissed passionately are trembling
His hair she constantly played with
is now a tousled mess from running his hands through it.
His ears she once whispered that she loved him into
are filled with the ringing of silent bells.
He’s breaking and he knows
she’ll never take him back...

The wrinkles etched in her face
are like memories etched in my mind.
Cat Woman played in the background
as the sound of my grandmothers breaths echoed behind me.
Her breaths two seconds apart
two seconds longer I knew she was still here,
two seconds I still had her,
just two seconds longer.
We watched slowly as cat woman came to find her killer
Grandma came to find her last breath.
2 seconds,
3 seconds,
Cat woman wakes to find jewels spread across her bed
and Grandmas breaths began to slow.
4 seconds,
5 seconds,
as cat woman goes to see the lady with all the cats
Grandmas breaths get further apart.
6 seconds
.................
nothing.
As Patience accepts that she's cat woman
Grandmas breaths officially stop.
While Cat Woman leaps and bounds through life to find her killer in the movie
Grandma is taken from me in real life.
With her heart stopping as the doctors prayer ends.
6 seconds
turns to minutes
turns to hours
turns to days
and still every time I close my eyes I see it.
See her chest stop rising
her legs stop twitching
and her heart stop beating.
When it gets too quiet
I can hear her ragged breaths stop
the not so silent room
as we cried and cat woman found her **** as noise in the background.
Now the wrinkles etched in her face
like memories etched in my mind
are just that...memories.
Now she is a memory.
Forever on my mind
Forever in my heart.
R.I.P Grandma
I love you

They call me a ****
Tell me I’m a *****
That I’m fat
And that I’m ugly.
Yet they don’t know that when I go home
I hear it all again.
The students voices echo in my mind.
The long sleeves I wear to school
even in 90 degree weather
covers the scars.
I try to become invisible,
to walk by unnoticed,
but it never works.
They sense my presence and lash out at me,
Like a wolf on it’s prey.
I go home and cry myself to sleep.
Every night their words echo in my ears,
never going away.
Messages with the same words heard every day.
Suggestions of killing myself.
It wouldn’t make much difference
Just one less person crowding the halls.
One less person silently screaming inside.
One less person to believe I’m worthless.
Tears stream down my face as she ***** the gun.
The song that originally saved my life begins to play.
I close my eyes,
and with a deep breath he pulls the trigger.
The only thing left of me being the note that I wrote.
“I’m sorry...I can’t do this anymore”
with blood splattered across the pages.