I had two dreams about you last night
The first
We walked together
I reached for your hand
And you intertwined them each time
Each time we said see you later
We kissed
And then I kissed you once with more passion
And you said how come you don’t kiss me this normally
I said, why do I have to be the one to kiss you

The second
Was that over Easter
When you said you had plans
Really you were living in a house
With your ex girlfriend
The one two years ago you told me not to worry about
Now as I lay awake this morning
This dream has shaken me

These dream play on real life fears
I want him to make the move
I’m afraid he will go back to her
I want him
I want to know I’m his
I don’t need commitment
I need reassurance
Make these dreams stop
Kiss me

I don’t like it when people change
That’s my problem
All my best friends from home
I have known all my life
And when they change it’s gradual
I growth with them
We are intertwined
But here, at college
It is different and people change rapidly
I don’t have time to keep up
I don’t have time to analyze who they are anymore
I can’t keep up with their changing moods and wants
It’s exausting and that’s why I lost all my friends
I couldn’t keep up so I got kicked to the side
No pity please it’s a good thing
They create chaos and facilitate dysfunction only visible to the outside
I’m better now for this loss and I like myself better
I no longer sit in the dark crying over the loss of their love
I thrive with my new friendships of loving people with my own interests and aspirations and values
Starting anew is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done
But oh am I happy to be on the other side

I like riding the train
I don’t like the people
But I like the train
One time I rode it empty late at night
It was exhilarating
Only as a woman
I feared
the one man
at the station

I think your women have to prove themselves
You make them work for it and you do not
You know they are hooked

So you only go with it when something new pushes you along
Like the fact that I like ***** heads songs
Or that I read poetry
Or that I smoke ****

It’s understandable you want us to have things in common
But why am I the one always making the effort to find those things

Is it selfish of me to keep with you
When I don’t think you’re in it fully
Because I am.

Our similarities are undeniable
Even to you
And that’s why I know when every once in a while
You see what I see and it pushes you along
Along to me
And I’m okay with that

Maybe we are both a little selfish but either way
as long as I have you, I’m okay

You told me yesterday
that you write poetry
I said me too
but it scared me a little
do you write poetry about me
in the way I write poetry about you?

If you did,
what I would give to read it
your thoughts, fears, goals,
the moments we shared that touched you

I would die inside if I knew you read my poetry
its mainly all about you
what else is there to write about
when you're all I think about

One day maybe I will show you these words
and we can laugh
about the young naive girl that was infatuated
with a boy from her hometown
Until then I will keep you a secret here on these pages