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 Sep 2019 Olivia Ventura
Victoria
Lola laughed.
A light liberation that could conceal her throbbing throat.
It was easy to do when most people painted her with warm wine and black blood.
I woke up heavy
a thousand blank pages on my mind
a million words buried in stunted overgrowth

I woke up heavy
with all the voices in my ear
driving daggers through my heart

My eyelids were steel traps
and between dream and reality
my nightmares were in the shadows

I woke up heavy
My lungs filled with smoke
My stomach was full of red fire

I woke up heavy
and for another day
I wish I hadn't
//On anxiety//
Nothing can go wrong and yet you wake up depressed one day.
Now it's clear to me
When I saw you after what felt like eternity
And you were no longer just a ghost of the past,
It was not you that I yearned for.
I was in love with the memories,
The memories that deluded me into thinking that you still take my breath away like you used to.
It doesn't matter now anyway.
Neither you, nor the memories seem so enticing now.
The butterflies are dead.
I found peace.
 Oct 2018 Olivia Ventura
Ruheen
They're not just nightmares.
They won't let me sleep
And I'm not making an excuse,
But you don't get that.
I can't even close my eyes
Because I'm scared.

I'm scared
But I don't wake up screaming.
I just lie there
Like a corpse.
I feel like one too.
Because I'm cold.

Sometimes I feel
Hands clawing at my throat.
I feel like I'm breathing dirt.
Like I'm six feet under,
But I'm still breathing.
That's how I feel.

I'm not scared, I'm petrified.
Don't you see?
They're not just nightmares.
Part of the reason I don't get nine hours of sleep.
Each scar on my wrist has a name, but to keep it secret I’ll list them as letters to avoid giving them the fame:

Q- Quivering lips didn’t keep you from taking my innocence. The horrible sound of my legs clenched and pants unzipped.

D- Depression ruled your life and slowly taught mine the only way to feel is to feel nothing more than unreal.  

Z- Zombified eyes made me realize you only wanted what was between my thighs. Objectified and used, it didn’t matter to you.

R- Robbed my heart of just about everything. Unfaithfulness and lack of loyalty led to my mistrusting.  

A- Aggression isn’t a sign of affection. To pretend is a hard act but to defend is even harder.

These are the five people that led me to scar, and if they read this, they would know exactly who they are.
 Jun 2018 Olivia Ventura
Seema
Conseal the pain of this broken heart
Let there be flashes of light
Unveil this darkness, O' sheering rain
Drums of thunder thumping tonight
Blots of ink dubbed on paper
Melting candle wax shapes a figure
Breeze of glory, sound of chimes
My trembling hand on the trigger
Drowning deep in this nights swamp
Swallowing pins and needles of taste
Tears break into silent cries
This life is just a waste
Do I or do I not
The fight is still going on
Live or die
Coz I am already torn
Helpless, but there's a guilt feeling
Why be a coward for someone elses mistake
Live and start all over again
Give no time to fake
Pulling the trigger gives no escape
My soul would be barred in this world of fake
Why should I take my life
Why not, correct my mistakes...

©sim
Fiction, not my story.
 May 2018 Olivia Ventura
Matthew
Dear God, i am writing to you in desperation
As i lay in this hospital bed expecting to die
I am not ready for my life's expiration
I am not ready to lay and say goodbye

For a couple of years now i thought death was the answer
I have proof of the canceled orders that I made
The receipts of scars left on my body before the cancer
I assume the funds were insufficient in the cuts I paid

After the dark I was grateful for never having enough
I found that i have people there for me through it all
I have dreams and goals and ways to deal when its tough
I have climbed so high i am not ready to fall

Please God I'm begging you not to **** me
I have a plan for life now and death isn't a part
I wanna feel true love, have kids, and be happy
This time is just the beginning of a beautiful start

Love,
................
It rained cat and dogs,
The terrain was marred with mud.
Atlas my crew had arrived Warri in a bus,
My joy at the moment knew no bound.

I alighted with ecstasy,
My mind engulfed with fantasies as i made few calls to my Bestie.
We both began to search for each other desperately,
As we defied the rain tirelessly.

After some futile attempts we finally caught ourselves.
Twas like a dream come true though it didn't come cool.
Atlas we meet again!

You walked towards me like a queen from the sky,
My hearts skipped several beats as i was raptured in moments divine.
As we watched each other smile,
Nature had no choice than to slow down time.

Those speechless seconds where like blood stains in the blue sea that refused to be eroded by time,
The connection in those shy eyes and broad smiles where stronger than ocean tides.
The radiance from our happy faces where like gold sparkling in fire.

Lost for words but we still had to talk,
Though we were drenched by the rain we couldn't abstain from its reign.
You called relentlessly till we found our way.
We walked together till we got a shelter.

Oh! what a wonderful day.

Sitting together we watched the choir,
Sing happily like a soldier about to retire.
During the message we were busy with our jotters writing like scribes from yonder to the dictates from order.
Once a while we stole stares at each other.

Message is over and my bus about to go,
I wish i could sing a parting song but it was time to go.
Moment gone, memories shone as we waved goodbye with sincere smiles.
Dedicated to my second meeting with my first love on 5th of september 2016
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