Change in my pocket,
but no charge in the socket.
That’s where I use to be.
                                              Heavily
       ­                                                       lost
in a world that wasn’t mine.
Committing sin and crime,
more than this poems rhyme.
Never did I wish to be
                                        minus 6 feet in pine.
At least,
          that’s the lie I’ll stick by.
Hurt every morning. Every night I then cry.
                                                            ­                     Yet,
back at it again in the AM.
Liquor was certainly quicker and I never
                                                           ­   lost
                                                         ­     my
                                                         ­     buzz,
but thank Godness it was,
because much longer and I would’ve lost my cause.
It was more than shaking paws.
I
was
a
slave.
          And, alcohol was my master.
Physically, I always drank faster.
Mentally, there was too much cluster
                     of
self-pity and self-inflicted misery.

Spiritually………………………………….sick.
I far surpassed being a ****.
Pushed away even the biggest *****.
Sure.
Funny now,
                       but then. No then.
                                                        On the binge, waking up smelling
                                                        of Monarch in the park.
                                  Just the thought makes me cringe.
I
            Never
                        Hit
        ­                                   bottom.
                                                     I went through it.
You name it, I’ve done it.
                                Peed my pants in a jail pit.
                                                     Sick.
                                Struck my bestfriend with my mit.
                                                      Sick.
­                                Cheated, lied, and stole way more than a little bit.
                                                      Sick.
­                                Treated girls by the ease of their ****.
                                                       Sick.
Yet.
Yet..
Yet…
Not once, did I think to quit.
Nor, did I think I was fit
                                            to be a respectable man.
But, this life? This current life, was not my plan.
                        This. This is someone else’s hand.
                        This is metanoia.
                                                       ­      With it,
                                                                ­       no more paranoia.
No longer am I better or worse than.
Today, I just am.
I have a god I understand.
I’ve made amends to the fam.
I’ve seen my brother’s band.
I don’t isolate like a clam.
I’ve passed my graduate exam.
I fall asleep without spinning like a fan.
And, this story,
                             I promise
                                         is no scam.

♫♪I believe in miracles♫♪,
                    because,
              I’m a **** thing.
A girl even accepted my ring,
And I’ll admit,
I’m not perfect.
And as you heard,
I can’t sing.
But today,
I do the next right thing.
           I
           try
           to help others
                                   learn to be brothers,
                                              respect people of all colors,
                                                        ­  and to tolerate (yes! tolerate)
                                                       ­                              even their mothers.
My life is second to none, I finally found fun, and by grace
hopefully, I’m not done.
My acceptance is high and my expectations low.
Today, I even try not to steal the show.
But,
        with this flow
I think I’ve found my cause
and that’s
to hear your applause.

Well, we only lost one
But it was a rock star
we only lost one
But she was a soccer player
we only lost one
But he was a philanthropist
we only lost one
But she was a podiatrist
we only lost one
But he was a good dad
we only lost one
But she drove us all mad
Well, we only lost one
But it should’ve been our first one

As the days go by
No matter how hard we cry
Nor times we ask why
We will never know

Well, we only lost one
And we missed all the toys
we only lost one
And we missed all the stories
we only lost one
And we missed all the scrapes
we only lost one
And we missed finger smashed grapes
we only lost one
And we missed all the laughs
we only lost one
And we missed all the baths
Well, we only lost one
And we will try for another one

As the days go by
No matter how hard we cry
Nor times we ask why
We will never know

Well, we only lost one
So my heart severely aches
we only lost one
So tears puddle like lakes
we only lost one
So this emptiness is real
we only lost one
So things seem so unclear
we only lost one
So why does it feel like more?
we only lost one
So to the sky I roar
Well, we only lost one
So we hope to meet the next one

As the days go by
No matter how hard we cry
Nor times we ask why
We will never know

You never were the cosmic universe
You never were the warmth of the sun
You were not even its reflection as the moon
However, you were every blade of grass
And could have been every crashing wave
Or each ripple of the pond

But You
Were the restless soul
Structured in appearance yet
Roaming with a formless mind

But You
Were the sleeping life
Surrounded by love yet
Suffocated by loneliness

Do you know a life of loneliness and one filled with pain
living a life with nothing to gain.
Surrounded by darkness, overwhelmed with shame. A life without peace with no one to blame.

Do you know of a place unseen, a place that holds only shattered dreams.
A place filled with sorrow with no end sight, I am given this gift each night.

Do you know of place so cold, this is the place I call my soul.
A place without hope of comforting dreams, a life not worth living it would seem.

Do you know of a life, that should have never been, and the feeling that today, this life has to end.
One more day of sadness is much too hard to bare, I am tired of living a life of heart ache and despair.

Do you know a person with so much pain inside, or the feeling of loneliness when no one hears your cries.
Maybe when the tears are gone, and I can clearly see, the only question left will be. .do you know me?