I'm thinking about you, N. We're going to meet. Will we like one another straight off? I don't know. I hope so; I hope we do. I don't know what's going to happen. When I told my friends about you and they got excited for me. But I didn't tell them everything I know about you because they didn't ask me. But I think about your situation and I think we could get past it. Some people might tell me "Don't." "Go find someone else." I don't think I could do that. Unless it really doesn't work out between us. But when we talk; I send you a message. And the nervousness hits me after I send it. Then I'm shaking a little as I wait for you to reply. But after you reply I try to think of something else to say, and I'm suddenly hit with writer's block. That mixed with my nervousness about you isn't good for me at all. "Forget about her past and embrace her." a friend told me. And as I think about you, I'm willing to do that, N.

P.S. I wonder what you would say if I told you this.

I was going to be on site
all day today, but

"The best laid plans
of mice and men..."

and all that...


I love you all, and will be
back when I can!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

♡ Catherine

Sitting next to her, watching falling a sleep...
I didn't look at anything except the loose strand of her hair...
I didn't notice anything except that loose strand of her covering her eye!...
I saw how her eye so tired and wants to rest...
I can't tolerate sitting next to her!
I sat on the sand looking at the sea, in that dark night!
10 minutes....
Me, the sea, the moon, the wind and she still sleeping on that rock!
looking at her again, how she leaning toward her knees and laying her head! and Sleeping like a child!
I kept chatting with the Sea! What else!
What should I do!
I feel the whole world inside me and I can't give her anything except the friendship that I promised her...
She Knows i'm lying! And I know she knows i'm lying!
                              The question that I can't find any answer to it!
I love her.... The Hell Yes I do!
The sound of waves asking me with anger, are you serious!
My answer, is there something else i'm going to lose!
                                      You are Hurt!
I'll be more hurt if I waste this feeling...
                                       You are Lost!
Divine with me...
                                        You will be in silent!
But I'm fully alive...
                                         You will be alone!
But I'm in love...
                                        Why can't you see!

Because she still sleeping...
I saw the child inside her that I'm missing! and all that...
                                       While she is sleeping!

On shattered dreams
And a broken past,
We build a solid future.
Only looking back
To see how far we've come.

Life -->Death

"Why do
People see your
Behaviour uncouth?"

Death-->Life

"It is simple
You are
A savoury falsehood,
While I am
A bitter truth!"

Is it a thought, it can be!
Is it a hope, no harm to consider!
Is it around Love, let us find out!
Is it a confusion, slightly!

I know one thing…… A lot of whispers inside every corner in me!

Am I getting angry…. absolutely!
Am I reaching beyond the stretch of my patience…Definitely!
Am I touching the ceiling of losing my faith… Obviously…


I can survive out of pain!
I can move on with the hurt!
I can tolerate wounds outside and inside me!

But
I can’t survive Lost!
I can’t tolerate wasted feelings!
I can’t let my reborn heart down!

I just want….
To shut up all those  voices and talks inside me!
I don’t know who is talking to me…..
Is it myself…
Is it my heart…
Is it my brain…
is it my soul…
is it The God…
Are they the angles…
Are they Heave’s blesses…

I don’t know where they are coming from…
I know they are taking me to places, where I can’t rest…
I don’t know their structure…
I know they go deep in every breath I’m inhaling and not going out…dwelling and going in circle all over me!
I don’t know why they wan to talk to me!
I know there is a message…

What the message is!….
I woke up feeling i’m  becoming a Hell-boy doomed ages ago!
Other days, i feel i’m the Grey Wolf, protecting my territories ..


I don’t want to reach “Beware the levelheaded person if they’re angry.”….
I don’t want to reach the cry that who are in Heaven and Earth can’t understand…

I just want…
Sleep with her…. Not the way you are thinking…
Smell her… Also not the way you are thinking…
Looking to her eyes before i close my eyes and sleep in peace…

that is a dream, a wish, a hope, that won’t come true…
and that what makes it more…..
Outrageous!                                      

I might…
Not open my eyes after that and die in peace…
Leave the world behind me and go far away…
Lose the faith in something called love…

At least…
Finally i slept in peace!
A peace not defined by human and defined only by my…
Heart and Love!

If only you let me share your burden,
I swear I'll shun all your demons away.
If only you let me close to your heart,
I promise to kiss away your pain.
If only you let me see your naked soul,
I swear to be the devotee of your name.