I can’t write this poem
I can’t write this poem because the last time I opened up to someone artistically they told me it was pretty dark and I should keep it to myself.

I can’t write this poem
I can’t write this poem because I was raised in a culture that was anti love and pro meaningless ***. I saw endless commercials about movies that glamorize a lifestyle in which your body is fulfilled but your heart is ignored and at that impressionable age I learned my heart came second but my allure came first and the less I cared that happier I would be and I carried that belief around with me the way I used to carry around a Bible as a child.

I can’t write this poem
I can’t write this poem because of the time that I opened my father’s phone to reveal a family secret I would hold to this day against my own moral instincts unraveling miles of insecurities wondering if I’m not a good enough daughter or if he stopped loving my mother or if true love was never real and although I had been taught marriage was my purpose, it was what I believed would make me happy, maybe rings aren’t enough to stay in love and maybe people’s feelings change and maybe no one actually has a “one true love” and that this purpose I had been taught was really an endless wild goose chase that only lead to broken families and lost souls.

I can’t write this poem
I can’t write this poem because sometimes I still wonder why I fell into an abyss of toxicity at such a young age. And when I say wonder I don’t mean a trivial ponder, I mean I contemplate every possible reason why the person who I once believed held the universe in her eyes would lie to my face, why she never kissed me in public and our love was always a secret, why she valued girls with blue hair but my blonde hair was not good enough, why I had to hide bruises from my family when I was still in high school or more importantly, why at the time, I thought I deserved them. These thoughts, this lingering paranoia that I am undeserving of healthy love, they muddy my interpretations of real life and distort reality and effect my relationships. My doctor would call these intrusive thoughts, my best friend would tell me they’re symptoms of PTSD, but I have come to realize that I’ve been burned and I am damaged and I hope to god I can recover.

But you,
Oh god, you
You can write this poem. You can be my safety net while I’m free falling in love. You can be the one to listen to my mental tilt-a-whirls, you can be the one that introduces my body and my heart, you can be the one that calms the storms in my mind when I’m questioning the love I’m deserving of. You are the one who makes sure I fall asleep in my bed after drunk nights, you are the one that still sees my value after acknowledging my flaws.
You can write this poem.

I read in a book

It said

"Always lower yourself."

"Give up the good for others."

"Lower yourself."






*I think I may have lowered myself too much.

You know

I wish I never knew you.

I wish I never loved you.

I wish I never saw you.

Before, I thought it was okay to hurt myself.
I said, "It's okay you can handle this."

I tried to get used to the pain.

But I realized
After a several weeks,

That handling was useless.

You were too much pain for me.

Hey,

I'm sorry I was ever in your life.

I'm sorry I ever urged my feet to go sit with you at lunch.

I'm sorry I ever met you

I'm sorry

I

I

*I'm sorry I loved you.

Sing to me oh so sweet one

Sing a lullaby to my blinded ears

Open your mouth

Free the tones

You have been saving for me.

Oh so sweet one

Sing me a song

A song

That will pull me into a deep
                                  
                         ­      deep
                            
                 deep

*sleep.

To the humans of 2017,

The date is January 5th, 3017.

The empty roads fill with hover cars and the streets buzz with noise.

It's a cold day. But everyone is warm. With their coat heaters, of course.
Some people are even wearing t-shirts and shorts.

The sky, blue and crystal,
is overloaded with Flyers and Sky-Cars. People are roaming on the sky streets.

They don't rush because they're late to work, they don't carry heavy suitcases- all they need is that one little wristband on their right forearm.

Humans are perfect now.

None is stronger than other, none is more handsome then other, none is more smarter than other. They share the same amount of money. Everybody is equal.

This is the Happy City. Not a single fight has happened. Everyone is kind. They do not lie, thief, fight, or ****. Not even one commotion happens.

Everything is perfect. Equal. Even.

But that's not what I think.

Humans shouldn't be perfect. We shouldn't have been.

Humans are a creature that thinks, fights, sacrifice, lie, trust, betray, and make choices. That's what humans are like. That's what they're suppose to be.

That disgusting red wristband makes the decision for us. Or at least, them. It tells them what to wear, eat, do, and even decides your mate. We are not humans anymore. We are not perfect.

These people here are so simple. There is no lesson learned, no school or government. Everybody just has a joyful life.

But no! I disagree! We humans should learn lessons, decide good and evil- we must make mistakes! We also must be evil sometimes! That is what makes us human. Those are our characteristics that prove us human.

Dear fellows, it is hell here.

We are not humans anymore. We have become slaves of perfection.

Save me.

**And these humans that are not humans anymore.

tick tock tick tock


Time goes flying by

What is this emotion?

Do I want to stop it?

Do I want to let it go?

Mixed emotions fill my empty brain.


tick tock tick tock


17
16
15
14
13
12

12? Already? Am I relieved? Or am I sad?

Have I gone crazy? Why does the clock spin so fast?

My eyes swirl against the misty air
They dart around as if wishing they could stop time, which is impossible.

"Help"

"Save me"

I don't seems to understand.

Beware humans, you remember
that you have a limit.

Beware you foolish humans, you are crossing a line.
Beware idiot humans, for the shiver up your spine.

I see the ones who cross the line of human
I see the ones who push themselves to inhuman

You! You humans, are you giving me a threat?
I foreshadow your dooms, the money you bet

No creature has gone this far! Aren't you afraid?
Can't you see the destruction you already raid?

Beware! None is perfect! Be the way you are
Press to your skins and feel! The proud white scars

Enough is enough! Now beware you foolish!
Mountains are crumbling, mammals look ghoulish.

Beware you humans, I will repeat!
Until you sob in rubble of the broken streets.

Beware! The perfects who represent your knifes.
You use your brains to spoil your lifes.

Don't you growl at me, you terrible creatures!
You have no one to blame for they are your features!

Beware you humans- I repeat, beware!

**Last time I tell you, no mercy no care!

"For a moment,"
Said their lips,
Warm, but fleeting

"It's okay,"
Said the rain,
Falling again

"I missed you,"
Said your bed,
Empty and tired

"Not today,"
Said the night,
Long and dull

"Maybe next time,"
Said the morning,
Sleepy and still

"Just wait,"
Said the week,
Dragging on

"Just breathe,"
Said the sidewalk,
Every day

"You're fine,"
Said the wind,
Colder than them

"I need you,"
Said your heart,
Resigned and dry

"..."
Said your lips,
Silent.