i still do not know
whether i am a void of feelings
or just a child who shut the door to his pain.

lest you shatter

i am a sort of — uh well
do i remind of the winter solstice?
manufactured authenticity, painting
calculated legacies, circular stride
holding binoculars
and gazing from night to night
all the while i live
in my beautiful pinhole

sight, herald of wounds
rinse, rinse, rinse in red scrutiny;
scour down to my finest bones
and remember, and see.
do not ask me
who i am or who i've been
i am but here before you
on display.

carry me from the rack (careful!)
i want you to hold these edges
bring me close,
kiss with eyes blinding—
read the script, can you,
of straying photons?
it is where i am.

you nemesis of time,
carry on, won't you?
let the mark fill out my jigsaw
for this room is dark.
but please, no summer solstice
— it will burn.
it will burn
— the texture that is me.

sometimes it feels like the only way not to cling
is not to care.

don't you find it funny
how desperate we are to feel?
— what a great story!
(i cried eleven times)

two am, friday night
wide awake by the sterile light
i pen for a tale these final lines
there’s too much left, stuck inside

across our river, beyond the mist
i watch your shadows fleet
angel feathers through the gale
i hear those whispers cease

so i’ll raise a glass, well, make it two
to the story that told of me and you
A third, a forth, 'fore we hit the floors
‘fore again i hear that voice of yours

too young to regret
too old to forget
let's ponder, shall we, as we bet
for the simplest magnet, yes, it holds two ends

when dust descends, when thoughts depart
will you be there, cries my heart
a teardrop falls, upon your splendor
glimmer in marble, ever so tender

the haze drifts away, away with you
batteries out, screen’s brand new
i raise my gaze, 'till it meets a light
my halo, my blue light.

he burns his lamps to hide
just a couple heartbeats —
a couple each night.
a couple blue shots of bad blood
they say it does the trick.

see, she was
she was an ocean.
say, oxygen
oxygen is overrated.

watch, roses
blooming beneath
the caress of brine
blood cells unfolding.

a certain lightness

life is a melody, a meandering song, exquisite and jarring, glorious and ruthless. we sit upon its strings, tightropes in a windstorm. better dance whilst you can before we all fall off into eternity.

there's so many things i wonder about
but you're the greatest wonder of them all

yea, i'm talking to you
sitting in there, blue halo
feathers weighing me down
why do you weigh me down?
(𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚎, 𝚘𝚛 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕?)

no, i'm not talking to you
there's so many things i wonder about
but you're the greatest wonder of them all
catch me, night, i fell like a sociopath
catch me, light, i can't stop believing love
so it sets in rust
and rises to emptiness

yea, i'm talking to you
sitting in there, stained-glass poet
edge of a blade, crying notes
why why why why why; don't you know?
(𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚖𝚎, 𝚘𝚛 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚊𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚕?)

some days i feel like a sociopath
(𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚎, 𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝)
but i can't stop believing love
(𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎, 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝)
there's so many things i wonder about
(𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝)
but you're the greatest wonder of them all
(𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚍 𝚒𝚝 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝.)

i had a dream
and it wasn't a daydream.
oh, i don't know where it started
just that you where there
a tulip beneath this sky
eyes locked with a lock of clouds
i was there by you and i knew
just knew.

didn't know i was dreaming
so i took your hand
your hair brushed my cheek
a lock of clouds
and i thought i was dreaming.

when the clock didn't tick
our hearts beat as one
our breaths, a symphony
we, a lock of clouds
floating, soaring
there was no place where we ended and the world began.

we locked fingers before the falling dusk
when our hearts were flowing over
so we bled and dyed the sky a sunset
oh, the skies, those locks of cloud
two flames.

oh, we'd sail, you said
off to the edge of the stars
we'd fall, lose ourselves
to the notes of the beyond
because what matters but you; what matters but i?
so we were wanderers of worlds
we were fugitives from home
we were, we were
till every spell broke
as the day awoke

i still feel a remnant of our embrace
beneath my sternum, a tad to the left
you'll always be the sweetest candle
wafting, wafting
a lock of clouds.

'cause you're the happiest i've ever been.

it sparkles in their eyes
in yours, in mine
marble and gold
flickering in the sky

a trail of tar, a halo of paper
let's take our train to heaven.
see you there, see you never
meet my friends, i've got seven
but she's the prettiest
with diamonds in her teeth
red wine in her kiss
she's my podium, my glory
she's the reason i stand.

now they eye the art
through me, eying her
i'm made of air but i like them
telling me all i've been
matters (my podium.)
'cause she's the prettiest
with promises in her shadow, with fire in her hair
she'd turn and launch a thousand ships, oh paris:
least lonely of men.
oh, roaches, she's my wonderland.

it sparkles in their eyes
in yours, in mine
a shape like the sun.
a trail of tar, a halo of paper
hold on fast my ticket to heaven
when saint are dust, gold is forever
so kiss me to the grave, loveliest of seven.

"money is the anthem / of success"
"money is the reason / we exist"
oh, lana / oh, paris.

i have loved her in many ways
i would not call her
a lover; i am fearful
for i am young; she will have decades.

you know,
the more i have to say
the less i end up saying.
i want to live our life again
so i told you
i love you.

ink is the same color
as a certain canvas

when you look hard enough
you can almost see
the stars sprinkled in there