I've been sleeping on dead roses.
Thinking about overdosing.
Am I truly sick of this world or is it just thinking about the dead old you?
I'm trying to love him the way I should've loved you.

And I've played it back a thousand times in my head,
that perfect memory of where it was just you and me,
lying wide awake at 3am under the covers of my bed,
listening to the tranquil breaking of the midnight sea.

We both knew that was my last night in this small town,
in the morning I would be headed far off for university.
You knew it would be hard with me no longer around
but you kept silent and let me leave for New York City.

And when the morning came, you smiled me goodbye
as our hands aligned against the window of the train.
Your mood reflecting the bleakness of the falling rain
as you were left behind to watch our last moments die.

Dear past self, I can still remember each battle you ever fought.
The flickering memories of the scars branded across your skin
and the lessons beaten into you until they were properly taught,
torment me late into the night until my blood is pumping thin.

I'm sorry present self but I can still hear echos of a distant song,
the one we danced to everyday as we watched the sun descend.
So before I cover my face again with this mask and dance along,
I just wanted to say, **it's nice to see you Darkness my old friend...

I could be the shoulder you cried upon,
when the demons visit you late at night.
I could hold you tight when you yawn,
be your very own shiny armored knight.

I could be the cloud that lifted you up,
when you're on the floor bleeding out.
But then I could also be just a hookup,
a fleeting fix to help you on your route.

And I could be far away, be long gone,
depart without another second to spare,
already just a fading memory by dawn.
And maybe I could be your nightmare?

I'm popping pills and smokin' ****,
just to get drowsy enough to sleep.
My eyes however refuse to close,
and flickers to a million light shows.
It's cold outside and now I understand,
that my mind is hanging by a strand.

Here, it's clear, that I'm not getting better,
when I fall down, you put me back together.
Without you I don't know where I'd be,
maybe a place where the eyes can't see.
Doubts run on repeat constantly in my mind,
trust is something you'll have to help me find.

Maybe another pill or joint will do the trick,
I need something to put me out real quick.
The screams come first, then the monsters,
oh where can I find a bed of soft flowers?
Cause I can't take it anymore, it's too hard,
I'm tired of playing, I don't want another card.

This game of life, no one will ever win,
so take a breather then commit another sin.
We might as well have fun while we're dying
can't you understand the words I'm saying?
I guess not, cause you're not actually here,
I'm just watching a fading ghost disappear.

If no one
Knew what gay was
Who'd be gay?

I do not get to hold you
But in my dreams that is not true
nor can I feel your tender kiss
but the thought alone brings me bliss

I do not get to dry your tears
but one day I’ll chase away your fears  
Nor can I see your glowing smile
The one that can warm any reptile

I do not get to hold your hand
But I can sing about you in a band
Nor can I wake up next to you
But give it time, we’ll make it true