Trying to juggle at 1am,
Trying to catch those ******* *****,
Trying to throw them the"right way",
Trying to do everything everyone tells me,  
Everything that I can't do.

Thoughts swirling in my brain,
Fogging my concentration.
Self-doubt arising,
wondering why no one has called me a failure yet.
Questions screamed to the universe.

All this fuss,
Just for three juggling *****,
Three juggling ***** which I can't juggle,
Three juggling ***** leading to my accusation of a failure,
Three juggling ***** questioning my capacity.
All this for three juggling *****.

I'm a tiger,
Stripped from my dignity
In this god forsaken cage.
Trapped behind walls,
Prowling about
Waiting to be freed.

I long for the wind in my face
The sun to lighten my days
The rain to wash my sorrows away
The moon to reflect at night,
Lighting my way.

I'm a tiger
Waiting to be let loose
So that I can unleash myself,
And set fire to anything in my way.

One day everything was fine,
The next you were gone.

You didn't come anymore,
You didn't talk anymore,
You didn't even text back anymore.

****, you were gone in a blink of an eye.
No warning,
No signs,
No nothing.
You just disappeared.

I guess one could say it was gradual,
But when something happens,
Does it really feel like that?

I don't know what to do anymore.
We're all left hanging on a thin rope
Waiting for your next move,
A sign,
Something to lead us all out of this misery you've brought us into.

The worst part
Is that it happened before,
Then why, oh why did we fail to see it again?

For all we know we could have stopped it,
but here we are back to base one.
Staring at your helpless battle,
Staring at it behind a glass door,
That is locking us out,
preventing us from helping you fight that battle.

Since your first breath,
She has always been there,
Patting your back,
Helping you breathe.

When you tripped,
She was there to pick you up again.

When you lay restless,
On your bed,
The demons underneath frightening you.
She was always there,
Shedding light,
Sending them away.

When you left the nest,
She was the one who would run after you with tears in her eyes.

When your dreams had been accomplished,
She was the first to celebrate.

When life came crashing into you,
She was always the anchor,
Pulling you back into reality.

When you cried your heart out,
She was there passing the tissues,
Tears in her eyes as well.

When you felt like giving up,
She was always there to remind you,
That by giving up,
You would also be giving up on her,
The last person who deserved to be given up on,
For she had given you everything she could,
Your mother.

One day you're hugging me
Laughing till our stomachs hurt
Calling me your other half,
your twin.

The next day,
I receive your cold shoulder
Everything we were yesterday,
It's gone.

No more laughing,
But ignoring.
I don't hear your voice talking to me anymore,
But to someone else's.
I ask you a question,
you let the silence respond.

At night
I can't sleep,
trying to figure out what I did wrong.
What did I say?
What did I do?

I know you well enough,
To have a feeling what the problem is.
But I can't accept that feeling,
Because you're just too stubborn
To admit I'm right.
I'm being punished for being right.
Is that even fair?

But I want your company,
I want your voice talking to me
I want you next to me,
joking, goofing around.
I need that.

So I wait,
Knowing it's just a phase.
A phase that happens one too many times.

This cycle just keeps going on,
And I can't stop it.
Deep down I know,
That I have to let you go.
You're toxic.
You will be the death of me.
But I can't bring myself to do that.
I love your other side way too much.

So I just wait.
My heart continuously breaking.
I'm constantly trying to sew it back.
But what's done is done.

And one day,
All my heart will be given to you.
But your heart is far away talking to someone else.
Because I cared too much,
Trying to help you
Left me with this silent treatment.
Trying to speak my mind
Left me with a cold shoulder.

You said you loved me,
But sometimes I was just a stranger to you.
Maybe you were bipolar.
But that's no reason to forgive the way you treated me.

Guilt is such a powerful word
A word no one wants to discuss.
They just want to keep it in
Hoping it would go away

But no,
guilt is not like that.
It takes control of your body,
Gnawing on your thoughts.

Why did I not help her?
Why did I survive but not the person next to me?
Why did he get caught but not me?
Why did I not confess that it was my fault?
Why? Why? Why?

And yet, everyone around you
Fails to see the aura of guilt that glows beside you.
Every time they smile at you,
You feel the knot in your stomach grow bigger.

Guilt is like a monster,
It keeps devouring you.
You wish with all your heart that you can undo your wrongdoings.
Guilt just continues and tortures you.

  Until, one day it takes away your life,
And all that is left is your corpse,
A corpse that is stained with guilt and regrets.