I'm carelessly controlling my life
Or to my knowledge at least
I wish my will was free
So I could have an out for all my discrepancies
But that would mean I would have to believe
In you, and I don't want to
Cause your not real
Or so you say
Which I know is a lie
You prove it to many everyday

I am what I can see
I am what i can feel
I am the one in pain
It's my life you you had to steal
Knocking off hours, days, years
For short doses with no fear
I am in control
I control me
That’s what both you and I want me to believe
But only one of us knows the truth
Of how much you choose to control
How much of you power you abuse

I am a writer.

One who can close myself away into a small dimly lit space and gush life onto an insubstantial substance of fibrous material..in hopes that once finished..reads of something that makes sense and releases a tad of this confined fury..that whirls in my ever churning mind.

I am a Dreamer.

A human born into disparaging circumstances, that grasped for anything tangible, as early as I can possibly recollect. With a never ending desire to find truth and love beyond the abuse that I endured throughout all of my childhood..Determined to view life..clear of the filters embedded over my eyes, attempting to force my mind to function through the inherited dysfunction.

I am a Lover.

Believing in a Love so genuine, that it literally heals all human afflictions .
Investing in a hope in all things soulful and lucid.
Craving to Love free of the bounds thought fathomable, truly devoting to other souls..the most valuable asset - Time - and desirous to Lead with Love in every moment.

I am a Writer.

A dream told me to write a poem titled
Little Blue Hill,
Here it goes

First, I dreamed of Shrek
Weird, I know
I had an epiphany in my dream
It was this profound realization
This wow! moment I experienced
Right slam center within the dream
It was this:
Fiona fell in love with Shrek
because she could be her true self
in his presence
She could be the ogre she truly was with him
She could be completely vulnerable and herself with him,
No walls, no facades, no masks
Just herself
Right then my sleep was interrupted,
which I was happy about so I could remember this dream
And falling back asleep,
my brain exclaimed
That's what real love is!
I never realized that that is the deeper meaning of
Shrek all along, I never saw it there
But it was there, implicitly

In my second dream
I was at church
And I healed someone's injury
With my hands
The people of the church
applauded me and looked onto me with awe
I felt proud
But also ashamed of my pride
I wanted to stand up and say: "I don't deserve the praise. It is God alone who heals"
But I sat in a pew, with a smug grin on my face
And an elation in my heart.

In my third dream
I was talking to a guitarist at church
And I mentioned a little blue hill,
for some reason
Then, I was on that hill
and I exclaimed
"I'll write a poem about a little blue hill!"
So, I did
And here it is

I'm going to hold onto my birth certificate
like my mother holds onto receipts

and when I write my last rent check
addressed to whomever lives upstairs

I'll knock on the door

and when they open
I'll kindly flash them the paper
which never expires
and I'll ask
for a refund

and they'll say "No,"
"We only accept exchanges,"

and then I think I'll believe in reincarnation.