I didn't speak today.
Maybe it's just one of those days but deep down I know It isn't.
I didn't speak yesterday.
Many don't know what it's like to forget your own voice. I do know.
I didn't speak last week.
It's hard to get words out of my mouth. Many don't know what it's like to be the person who doesn't speak.  
I didn't speak last month.
I may not talk but inside I have a voice to share. People don't hear it but they can read it. Inside I talk without a stutter. Inside I can yell and scream.
My voice doesn't show my emotion my eyes do.
I didn't speak last year.
I've been called mute. That isn't true. I can speak. They just don't want to hear what I have to say. When I try to speak I always get cast away.

I spoke today. And nobody listened.

I am at war.
I am at war with myself.
Sometimes the good wins sometimes the bad and it shows itself on my face, on my arms and my legs.
This is a battle where no matter the outcome.
I loose.
This war inside of me. It hurts. Like I'm being ripped in half. I hate that I feel like this but at the same time I crave it.
I belong in misery. I don't deserve happiness or normalness. I deserve this war.
Because in the end.
I am This war.

We knew each other when we were young. We always hung out and had so much fun. I liked you and you liked me. It really wasn't hard to see. I still know you were my first love. You were my white flying dove. Then one day i had to move. I left with your memories, the feeling of your last on my cheek, and a bracelet you gave to me. A Year went by. I thought every day of you. But soon that year turned to two. Five have gone by and I loose hope. I don't think I'll ever see you again I start to tighten the rope. Out of nowhere my computer says your name. I couldn't believe it. I sent you a friend request and you accept. We start talking again catching up. I learn you missed me just as much as I missed you. And soon we talk for a few. Hours fly by I'm the happiest I've ever been. Then I finally hear you say you love me too.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to get up I just want to lie on this cold hard floor. The voices in my head are finally silenced but at a cost. I feel like my soul is lost. I took something again, maybe it'll **** me. Or maybe I'll just feel better, we'll see. That's the only way this pain leaves. It stops my feelings and stops my grieves. I can't open my eyes now. Maybe it's finally it. I guess we will see in another fit.