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The truth,
The lies,
The pleasure,
And love,
All things that when told,
Still have a time when it hurts...

You come at the best of times,
And the hardest part is when I cannot cry,
You leave me here to lie between,
Beddings and sheets,
And as much as one cares to weep,
You instill this repercussion of my sanity,
Leaving a shut down,
Like when a computer... shuts down,
However it's crazy right?
How the shut down leads to a standby,
But when you're dealing with two parts,
It is not the machine no,
But merely the display,
As it, replays a signal,
That there is no signal,
There is nothing feeding the monitor,
There is no rest for the screen,
Always on,
Slowly.... dying,

As soon as it activates,
It is consuming,
Consuming the complex knowledge,
Energy,
And memory,
Of what is,
Was,
or will be,
And what became,
To create the distinction and difference between man and machine,
Is the stand,
And the costume,

As I stand here,
Staring at what is merely the imaginative reality,
The one I've always talked,
Dreamed,
Discussed...
What is the truth,
The lie,
When I love,
Hate the feeling,
I told myself,

When you are on the other side...
Does it still hurt?
I've been dealing with my insanity these past few years since I've last wrote. I've been writing but, merely hiding, I'm glad I could reach the surface again to unfold the stories
She said,
She loved me,
As she pulled me closer,
But...

It was the first time I ever heard those words,
And I didn't quite understand it at first,
But the thought of it made my heart race,
As she would continue to kiss every word from my lips,
Just to see if I would try and fight it,
But instead I would bite it,
And grab her hips as she closed in,
Yet,

She said,
She loved me,
As she fed me,
But...

I would hear the words,
Over, and over,
And I couldn't help it,
Desires enticed a mind so young,
That the words would only be caught,
Just like a cat that caught the tongue,
She would have me locked in with no escape,
Hands locked together,
Playing like she through me down,
Until I rolled up top and had her pinned down,
And I knew she could feel me,
She always did,
And that's when...

She said,
She loved me,
As she brushed her fingertips across my chest,
But,

She loved me more than I knew,
For she was ready,
I was too busy sweating,
Wondering how prepared I was,

She said,
She loved me,
Before she closed her eyes,
But...

It was the last time I ever heard those words,
And to think the last would be a good as it first,
From start to finish,
We knew one lies, for,
I woke up by myself,
But another me, woke up leaving,
Knowing that two points could make one mistake,
Because,

She said,
She Loved Me
Sometimes, I fear that people take too much pride in their victory. Pride is not something we should boast, it is something we should share
The more you use it, the more you abuse it. That’s why words like these continue to have no value or meaning..
Mom? Dad?
Is anyone home?
Mom? Dad?
Well, where did they go?
Mom? Dad?
I can't find you...
I can't see you...
Mom....? Dad?

I cannot remember,
I cannot forget,
Whatever it used to be,
Left him in torment,
Constant,
Endless,
Torment,
There was only bitter confusion,
As it carried his life away overseas,
Into a darkness that even he couldn't see,

How...

How could they just... leave me?"

Yet, they were right in front of me...

Mom! Dad!
I'm right here!
Can't you see me?!


Someone that was right in front of me,
And yet,
He didn't know the answer to even his own questions,
A father of no past,
And a mother with no future,
A present for their son,
That usually one would never refuse,
But his present's became,
Either too old or new for his presence,

Mom, Dad?
I'm scared....
Where are you taking me?
I cannot see a thing...
Mom...... Dad?


I cannot see,
Nor can I hear,
Everything around me,
Became a valley of unheard stories,
Silence touched the tip of a bitten tongue,
For it to choke on tears like words,
It became a shallow life of obscurity,
But as I continued to touch the keys,
The pencil that had the ability to write,
They became the story,

Mom... Dad.
Why,...
Why are you doing this to me?


Never once could a story such as these,
Write on such words,
But please,
Write,
Write for me,

Why did you stop?
Why did you not continue?
What piece stops halfway upon entering?
Where are these words you were supposed to add in here?
Who said you could do that?


Why....
Why....
Why....
Why...


They never understood me,
They never did,
For one that knew reality,
Forgot life emotionally,
Losing everything that was a part of them,
They became a slave to the world,
And I slowly became a part of it...

Every night,
I would lay down with,
Constant,
Endless,
Torment,
No matter how far the distance,
I will always be reminded of my struggle,
To get to where I am today....



*I'm all alone...







Aren't I?
Stories... They speak for themselves... Don't they?

© Where all rights belong reserved.
Trilla™
JayCee Russ-Cuthbert
She could have wrote me a thousand words,
But out of all the words in the world,
In many of a different language,
With a different tongue,
She chose the word, Love,

At first, she didn't know how to say it,
But simply because, she couldn't
In any way, we didn't know how,
But she saw me,
And with the way that she stared into,
What seemed like dark brown eyes,
The gloss in her eyes saw what was truly inside,

We fell in love once,
Not with the same,
But with a difference,
She loved one as I another,
And as one passed by the other,
We exchanged without visibility to arrange,
Just fell in places we never dreamed,
As days flew by,
Feelings became stronger,
Waiting felt longer,
But, we would gaze and ponder,
Enjoying what would feel like the rest of our lives,

At that moment,
A painful smile ran across through her face,
But trips like these made her lost in her place,
By the time she tried to make sense of it,
Her mouth opened only to be choked by tears,
Taking but a few steps back,
It was hard to believe presence could destroy the essence,
But she knew I saw too much,
For her walls slowly began to close,
The pain that was once written all over her face,
Started changing words into "Okay",

With cold hands,
Her lifeless face was shown,
Without a word to believe,
She let go of her warmth,
And conversations that once were,
Simply became one-worded answers,
From one thing to the next,
Love showed like the text,
Without emotion,
She knew she couldn't say it,
She wouldn't,

Days would pass across unguided mirrors and silent floors,
As ceilings would fall like how tears would pour,
At first, her mind would set off,
But as spacious she was,
Her tears continued to fall,
Throughout it all,
I could see her drift farther from my reach,
While her pain would show each and every moment,
I grabbed her hand,
Again I looked through the confusion of,
Emotionally lifeless eyes,
But before I lost her,
I whispered in her ear,
Love is Bittersweet
A tribute to one whose eyes remind me of mine and may she find herself in the pit of darkness whenever she feels lost
You were there,
From the time I woke up,
To the time you put me to bed,
As a roof was secured above my head,
You were there, but instead,

You were there,
To make sure I always had something to eat,
And with the perfect seat,

You were there,
Driving me to school,
Getting me there on time,
Just to wait for me to come out,

And you were there,
To let me watch you as you cooked to your favorite tunes,
To show me how to set the table,
And eat together as a family,

Over the years,
You were there,
From the back of my head,
I was like a book you already read,
And with every single detail,
You fixed me in ways unimaginable,

And one day,
You were there,
I did not see it,
But the eyes of the untold did,
We knew not of what you have done,
But the truth of yours told us,

You were there,

The next couple of days became like hell,
From one thing to another,
It became something I couldn't believe, but,

You were there,
Supporting me through what almost seemed like an end to my day,
To cherish what I need,
And stop what I bleed,
Because you kept me living,
And now,

Now you're gone,
And I can't seem to hold on much longer,
What was a part of me,
Was with you the whole time,
And it was something I couldn't take back,
And I miss it,
And it hurts,


...I Miss You
© Where all rights belong reserved.
Trilla™
JayCee Russ-Cuthbert
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