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I should not be allowed
to have feelings
because they make me suffer
from the moment i wake up
until i go to sleep at 2 a.m

i get sad when i text you
(you're too far away)
and i miss you
when you're not talking to me,
it physically hurts

i wanna cry every time
i see pictures of the two of us together,
and when my friends ask me
how am I doing in love
i don't know what to say

how am I supposed to explain
that when you tell me to
dream about you as a joke,
i actually do?

maybe (probably)
you're sweet because it is
in your nature,
it's just the way you treat your friends,
but every compliment
that comes out of your mouth
means a lot to me

i crave the attention
(only if it's from you),
it's not normal
(at least for me)

i cannot (refuse to)
accept that
I can’t shake the feeling that we are not
Finished.
Like I’ve been writing a story, but can’t type the
Ending.
Conversation with you is short, and mostly
Halted-
By your spacious replying and conversation
Unexciting.

One part of me wants nothing left to do with you,
While another begs you to pick up the phone so I can hear hello.
One part of me wants to delete your number and text threads,
While another adds an extra heart by your name and changes the pictures.
One part of me wants to give the other guy a chance,
While another feels guilty since there was no proper ending.

Letting go seemed easy while I wrote it all out
But then came time to conclude this poem
give me back the days
when you’d press me like a flower
against the wall
and whisper little nothings
so cinnabon sweet
they’d swirl around
my head all day.
when we’d walk
spring streets coated
in magnolia leaves
you, mr. chivalry
curbside, protecting
every milky bone in
my body.
i crave
one more afternoon
tangled in sheets
with you,
fingers tracing
places i want
discovered by you
only.
another beeswax flavored
kiss, to get me through
the solstice
not yet gone,
already missing you.
When I was a child, we’d lived on the edge of some woods,
Slightly hilly land, crossed with the odd stream or cowpath.
I’d walked there frequently, aimlessly,
Throwing the occasional stone here and there
(Skimming the smaller ones off the surface of the creek,
Displacing mosquitoes and dragonflies,
The larger rocks reserved for thickets of trees,
Rewarding me with a rich thwack if the missile found its target.)
Once I had tossed a great gray projectile
(All but shot-put sized, probably nicked and nibbled
By fossilized trilobites on its edges)
Into a stand of old horse chestnuts,
But the sound that emerged was not the woody report expected,
But an anguished and almost astounded cry,
Nearly human in its astonishment and pain.
I’d winged (more than that, in truth **** near killed)
A hawk sitting inexplicably low in the branches.
In my panic and puzzlement, I’d wrapped the bird in my jacket
(The hawk all but shredding its lining,
Adding to my mother’s already fervent agitation
Over having a wild bird in her kitchen not destined for the oven)
And taken it home, where we’d put it in a cage
(Not a bird cage per se, but the old crate for our dog
Who had wandered into these woods
A few months before when she’d sensed her time was at hand)
Where it sat silently for a couple of days,
Refusing food, water, or any other succor,
Simply staring at us with a searing look conveying a hatred
Which transcended species, language,
Any and all experience a child may have been privy to,
As, in those fresh-scrubbed, clean-linen days of youth,
I had nothing of the hawk’s knowledge of cages.
As an aside, if you ain't readin' Masters, you ain't readin'.
It takes a great deal out of you to admit you're wrong.
We don't ever like to own up to it.
Being wrong isn't on anyone's bucket-list.
(At least no one's I know)
I will say one pro of any apologetic situation:
It is a terrific weapon.
A decent apology can bring most anybody
to their knees.
Frankly, I think we should all relish the opportunity.
Make amends for losing the battle,
and as a result win the war.
However don't take this weapon lightly.
It will jade you.
Ruin your concept of sincerity.
Not just for yourself, but for others.
We must never forget that sometimes we really are
Sorry.
I apologize, dear friend, I seem to have ruined your dinner party
with all my talk of apology.
A cynical look at the difficult task of apologizing.
there is beauty in rain
at a deeper level

beauty in a cloud
slaking thirst
I wake up slow
Clenched jaw
Face muscles don't respond
When I tell them to smile
What will I do when this goes wrong
What will I say
When they realize
I don't belong
Everyone has a first love and you just happen to be mine. All you want to be is friends. But I can't help loving you. So I'm sitting here crying, telling myself that I have to move on. I don't know how to move on so
I guess I'll just be a *****.
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