I feel myself falling apart, piece by piece..
I am like a puzzle,
And I'll never be put back together again..
Because the biggest piece of me is missing,
And that's you.
Since the day you left,
It seems as though I've had this hollow hole inside of me..
That no one else can ever fill.
You held a special part of me,
Now that part of me, is cold and dark and hollow..
And I can't get you out of my head,
And your name won't leave my lips..
I don't know how to get rid of you..
You've given me so many memories to hold onto,
But you've taken away the one thing that made me happy..
I won't cry and beg for you to come back.
You chose to leave me,
So I'll say goodbye, but just know you've left me broken..
You've left a hole inside of me,
A hole so deep, dark, and hollow..
Nothing will be able to fill it ever again.
And I'll never forgive you for that..

Does it ever scare you to know..
That the sky, will never be painted as beautifully as it was today.
That the trees will never be greener, than they were today.
That the stars, will never be aligned again exactly as they are on this very night.
Does it ever scare you to know..
That your hair will never be parted or placed as it was today.
That your clothes will never smell as fresh as it was, today.
Or that your make up will never look exactly the same as it was today.
Does it ever scare you to know..
That this day, May 7th, 2015, will never happen again.
And the sun in the sky, will never shine brighter than it did today.
And that the memories made today, will never occur again.
Does it ever scare you to know..
That since the day we were born, the only thing we were destined in life is death.
That we live everyday, moving closer and closer to the end of our time.
That our time here on Earth, is measuerd in days, hours, minutes, seconds..
Does it ever scare you to know..
That the people, places, things, around you at this very moment..
Will cease to exist, to know it'll all be gone in an instant someday.
That the days gone by, are just memories now..
Does it ever scare you to know..
That in 10 years, things will be completely different.
And the moments we're making in our life right now, will soon be forgetten.
Lost in all the other moments we've made along the years.
Does it ever scare you to know..
Because it scares me..
It scares me to know that everything in front of me at this very moment,
Will all change in an instant someday.
That the people and places, I know right now, I will not know someday.
That this so called "life" I am living right now,
Will some day be replaced with death.. And my days here will end.
I think I fear the future, because I have no idea what's in store for me..
I fear it so much to a point, that it keeps me up at night..
Wondering..

I know this is sad to say,
But I am addicted to the feeling,
Of feeling nothing at all.
I am addicted to the idea,
That drugs and alcohol can solve all my problems.
They take me from this world,
They numb all my pain.
They make my emotions, seem as if they don't exist.
I love feeling nothing at all,
I love being numb..
I love feeling as though my mind is an endless void of darkness,
In which I don't think about anything at all.
I wish I could feel nothing all the time,
Then I would finally find happiness.

So many words I wish to say to you,
But I could never find the right words.
So many things I wish to show you,
But you're not here for me to show.
I just wish to hear your voice one last time before you go.
The way your voice sounds when you tell me you love me,
The way you sound when you laugh.
The way your voice fills with excitement when you talk about things you're passionate about.
All these things, is what made me fall for you.
But now I'm falling apart because of you.
I know you never meant to hurt me,
Like I never meant to hurt you.
But both of us knew, it was too good to be true.
It was too perfect, to last.
But I want you to know, it was only perfect because you were a part of it.
I only wish I had more time with you..
More time to show my love to you.
More time to tell you all the things I never got to tell you.
Like how hopelessly in love I am with you,
And how you're my forever,
And how I daydream about holding your hand and kissing your lips for the very first time.
And how when we fall asleep together on the phone, I stay awake just a couple more minutes after, just so I can hear the sound of you breathe.
Just hearing and knowing, that you, you're there with me..
Made me feel less alone.
But now I'll be falling asleep alone again,
Without the sound of your voice being the last thing I hear.
God, I never meant to hurt you..
I never wanted to lose you.
But you deserve better,
Better than I could have ever given you.
I love you..
I will love you always.

I love the feeling of the wind,
Right before a thunderstorm.
I love the smell of cinnamon,
On a cold winter day.
I love the sound of the trees,
The way the leaves tussle in the breeze.
I love the sight of the clouds,
Turning from white to grey.
But I could never love these things,
As much as I love you.
I lone to feel your skin against mine.
The touch of your lips against mine,
Your hand intertwined in my hand,
The sound of your heart beating,
At the same pace as mine.
Someday, I will be by your side.
And I'll never leave, we'll never be apart again.
God, I love you so much..

Time and time again,
I forgave you,
Every time you hurt me.
I took you back,
And you won my heart all over again.

But this time it's different,
You've hurt me one too many times,
And I don't know how much longer,
I can hold on..

You know there's a saying,
"Let go of them, if you truly love them."
Whether I let you go or continue to hold on,
I will always ******* hurt.

My scars don't reflect,
How deep my cuts and wounds really are.
Nor do they show,
All the pain and suffering you have put me through.

The tears that stream down my face,
As I write this..
They're all for you..

Some may call me stupid and pathetic,
For loving someone like you..
But please, please understand..
I am so very afraid of losing you.

Because you could be the best and worse thing that's ever happened to me,
And I don't know what to do..
I don't know if I want to let go,
And lose you..

But I know if I continue to hold on,
I'll lose you anyway..
So either way,
My choice will hurt me..
It will ruin me..

But what's the difference anyway?
Because you've already torn me apart.
You've already ruined me,
But you're too blind to see that.