I just want to live,
For once..
I want to go out and start doing things with my life.
I want to travel, I want to explore what my life has to offer me.
I want to move away from here,
And start off some where new.
Forget about all the pain and misery my life here was,
And have a life full of happiness and great adventures..
But sometimes I question, whether or not I'll really make it that far..
But I am determined to..
I am determined to push through these days,
And live for myself..
Live this life I was given,
Because someday it'll get better,
I know it will..
It has to get better,
Pain can't last forever..
I just hope it gets better soon,
Because I don't know how much longer I can handle this..

The one person I wanted to spend my New Years Eve with,
Isn't here..
And I wish I had the taste of alcohol on my lips,
Helping me forget all the ****** up things that happened to me this year.
Instead tears stream down my face,
And here I sit alone, thinking about every single ******* problem I have.
I thought today would've been better,
I thought I would've spent it with the one person I wanted to spend it with.
But no instead, I spend another year alone..
Sometimes I think I'm forever alone..
Like I'll never be good enough for anyone, ever.
God, I just hope this new year is better..
Please be better..
Please..

It's sad to me,
That I have to depend on a little pill,
To be my happiness.
I have to depend on a little pill,
To take away all my pain.

I wish I could find the strength within,
To be happy on my own,
But I can't..
I'm too weak..
I'm too broken..

So instead I wake up every morning,
Take two of my happy pills,
And go on with my day.
But deep down inside,
It hurts me..

It hurts me that I can't be happy on my own,
It hurts me that I'm being punished,
For having something I never asked for.
For becoming someone I never asked to be.

All everyone wants,
Is to be happy..
But this isn't the way I wanted it to be.
At least not for me..

I'm sorry...
That I couldn't be all you wanted me to be.
That I ruined this family, and continue to tear it apart.
That I am this mess, this huge human disaster.
That I am the daughter you never asked for..

And I know that no matter how many times I apologize,
It'll never be enough to replace all the pain I put you through.
I hope you understand, that I never meant for any of this to happen..
And that I never intended to hurt you.

I never asked to be depressed,
I never asked to get addicted,
I never asked to even be born into this world..

I understand I'm a human disaster,
I may even be a mistake to you.
But stop constantly rubbing it in my face,
I understand I ****** up..
I understand I am a **** up..
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay?!

You don't understand what I'm going through,
All these emotions that I've been feeling.
Like a failure, like a ******* mistake..
Like your life would be better off if I weren't a part of it.

And the more you keep throwing my own mistakes at me,
The more it replays over in my head,
The more I hear.. "You're a ******* failure, a ******* mistake."
But you don't care do you?

I understand you're hurting,
Because I'm your daughter..
And what I've put you through,
Is something a parent never wants or hopes for.

But please, for once..
Look at it from my perspective,
Feel what I've been feeling,
Ache like I've been aching..

I know there's nothing I can do,
To take back every terrible thing I did to you.
But please understand,
I'm terribly miserably sorry..

No one seems to understand,
Why I'm so attached to you..
Why I love you so very much..
Hell, I don't even know if I understand myself.
Maybe it's the way you make me feel..
The way you make me smile, even when you're not around.
The way you always try to help, when I'm down.
I just wish, my family and friends, would see you the way I do.
Because in my eyes, you're beautiful..
Every flaw, every mistake, every thing about you,
Makes you who you are..
And that is beautiful to me.
I have loved you from the very beginning,
And I'm afraid my heart will never give you up.
Or maybe I don't want to give you up,
Because I see something in you, that I've never seen in anyone else.
I don't care if the world disagrees with me and you,
From the start it was meant to be true..
And you're the only one I love and the only one I want to be with.
I will hold onto you, no matter how many people try to tear us apart.
You will forever have my heart.

I can feel myself,
Falling into the same habits..
I felt before.
Those terrible feelings,
Are rushing in again..
Only this time it is different..
I no longer am reaching for a razor,
Hoping to find my way out in that.
But I do feel myself,
Balling up my emotions again..
Not expressing them to anyone.
Which isn't good for my own health..
I'm just afraid of what'll happen,
If I tell someone I'm sad again.
How they'll react,
What they will do..
Maybe it's just a temporary thing..
But I don't know how to cope with it..
I lone for the taste of alcohol on my lips,
Or some thing..
That beautiful some thing,
That'll make me feel nothing at all..

It's been over a month,
And still that night replays over in my head.
The looks those people gave me,
When they seen my scars.
How they treated me and looked at me,
Like I wasn't human..

I wasn't sure what was going to happen,
Everything was a blur..
It all happened in an instant,
And I didn't know how to handle it.

I was taken away from my family,
And hospitalized for 8 straight days..
I was miles away from home,
And there was no possible way out..

But when I was in that place,
I learned something about myself,
I learned the true value of life..
And that it is full of misery and pain,
But without misery and pain,
There would be no such thing as happiness.

We all face a war with ourselves,
In my case, I had a war with depression..
And it went so far,
I landed myself in the hospital..
But it showed me,
I wasn't alone in this world,
Fighting a battle with depression.

But I'm proud to say,
After it all..
I won the battle,
And it's finally over.
At least, I hope it is...