I didn’t see it ever stopping
I wanted to be free
When will nothing hurt anymore?
I grew tired of guessing and failing
This is why I did it
I was tired and burnt out
Even my gut reminded me with a stabbing pain,
Reminded me of everything I would never and could never be
So with this note
I set myself free.

Don’t try to follow,
You’ll learn to live without me.

P.S. Your love was always enough. I had always spiraled so quickly, it was just too hard to catch myself this time.

there are two types of sadness

there’s the kind of sadness
we ignore and
try to get rid of it
by finding new things to do
or we find someone to talk to
by blatantly avoiding any type of conversation
about feeling sad
about having any feelings at all
and then there’s that kind of sadness
that takes over
and it consumes any activity we do
we know it’s there
and there’s no possible way to avoid it
so we feed it exactly what it wants
it craves the sad music
it craves the isolation
it craves the anxiousness
and the sadness comes storming in
it has no manners
here we are calling sadness, an “it”
when all it is
is a feeling
that most people
call home

in 5 years
i could’ve grown
a forest
if i planted
a tree
every time you lied
to me,

but i never
knew you were
lying
until it was
too late
to even
tend soil.

You were never good for me, but I was even worse for you.

I had always told you I will always love you
Even longer than you promised to love me.
You said you loved me more than the sun does the moon,
But my love had depth greater than the sea.

You said you'd love me for more days
Than there were stars in the night sky.
And I said I'd love you a trillion more days
After the instant you were to die.

My heart had brought me to the final conclusion
That you and I will be together.
But the thoughts in my mind reminded me
That there isn't a thing that lasts forever.

I wish to let go of these haunting truths
So there isn't a day we would be apart,
But you never understood me well enough to know
I think with my mind & not with the heart.

I'm sorry I had let you down.
And I'm sorry I broke your heart.
I'm sorry I ended up leaving
When I said we'd never be apart.

I'm sorry I pushed you away.
And I'm sorry I let you in.
But know you were the closest to me
That a person has ever been.

I'm sorry I gave up on you
And every "I love you" I managed to say.
I'm sorry I promised to be by your side
And for the mind games we often played.

I'm sorry I'm messed up
And for every single thing I do.
I'm sorry I wasn't the one in the end.
And for not being there for you.

I'm sorry enough to say I'm sorry.
Oh, how sorry I truly must be.
To write these words over and over again
In a poem that you'll never see.