We must accept that we cannot blame the mirror for what we see when we look into it.

To do this would be self induced delusion. ©

John Paul Fraser

I can't get myself to allow another human to hold my heart.

Not because of the fear that they might break it.

Instead that my broken heart, in pieces, shaped with sharp edges will hurt them.

Take a rose for example, it's thorns prevent you from holding on to it, you might put up with a cut or two but after a while no matter how beautiful the rose is - you will let it go.

As the rose is better enjoyed admiring from arms length, so am I.

As the rose grows until picked by someone elses hand, so am I.

So let me go. Let me grow.

Admire from afar. I've seen my mark in too many people's scars.

John Paul Fraser (c)

I toss and turn.

dreading the concept that I might not be living up to my potential.

I sit with a bottle of whiskey before I am comforted into believing that I can sleep.

I still don't believe it however.

Maybe it's the drugs but maybe it isn't.

Either way I am enslaved by the desire for progression.

It looks healthy on the outside, haha, truthfully it's haunting on the inside.

Perhaps I just need some more prescription drugs from my Doctor.

Am I delusional as they say hearing my declarations

Am I favoured as they boast in my achievements

Am I wrong or am I right

Do I speak a language foreign to that accepted by our societal limitations?

Am I the only one who believes in the power of the human soul?

Can someone please tell me what's going on, what is real, what is true

because I'm losing my mind trying to figure out what next to do

To go all in or to fold for another chance -

   but - we never know if that chance will come

All we can do is hope.

I hope that I am I am true.

Like a blank canvass I entered her life.

Like a set of pastel crayons she coloured mine:

She taught me how to live, she taught me how to smile;

She taught me how to lie;

She taught me how to dream.

And in the end, she taught me how to cry.

If you want to see a girl leave you;

Tell her she's beautiful.
Tell her she's perfect.

If that doesn't work -

Tell her you love her

Part I

[1/21, 23:37]

Will a day come where I no longer need to run, from the fears entrapped in my mind?

Can I just decide to leave them behind? Is  the choice even mine to make? Or is this a designated - haunting - punishment by fate?

Whatever the answer
I can't run any faster from the shadows that swallow my mind.

They follow my moves every step of the way - am I a fool for even trying to get away?

This game of hide and seek
I don't know how to play -
wherever I hide they seem to find and no matter how much I seek I feel   I n c o m p l e t e.


Will there be an extinction of this sorrow? Or will they be here tomorrow? Waking me with a pressure on my chest.

I promised I'd try my best...

I just don't know how to break out from this intricate mess - Each day I feel -
            
less and less.

Until the only thing left is this
                  PRESSURE
                on my chest.

But I will still run and fight off the fear of tonight - my stength slowly drying.

They say every cloud has a silver lining? I hope they're right because my precious mind Is slowly

D y i n g.

Part II

I square up with my worthy opponent because I'm not dead yet.

I feel the fear in my eyes
    And I see it in his.

But who on earth wins when it's
                 me vs me?

The one that leaves me
        perfectly free

-All I'm trying to do-

Is free myself from me.