I feel like ice - frozen
unmoving
Then the panic engulfs me -
terror
My body
My mind
My spirit
In Chaos
How can I break from
its vice-line hold on me?
How do I get away?
If I can't, will the world
crash down on me?
I am frozen in fear

Stop taking me from my quiet space
the space I know I am to dwell
Trust the Spirit moving in me
God will not take me from the path

Please give me space
allow me to listen
God speaks --
When the world is too loud
I cannot hear.

Be still --
the peace is a good thing
The peace is God's gift to us
A gift we're meant to share
with those we serve.

Ironic though it may seem,
God is calling us to stillness --
not busyness
calling us to patience
with each other and ourselves.

God wants us from us,
not all the things we do
Let us rest in God's gift.

Amen.

When the world around me
feels like a black hole
Energy goes in
But does not come out

What does that mean?
How does God cal me to be
Gentle?
Humble?

I know patience is the key
But how?
Why?
What does this stagnation help?
How long must I wait --
To see gifts used more fully?
To move into the light?

How do I challenge myself,
encourage myself
To keep on,
to stay optimistic
to keep alive the passion?

How do I know
When to sit?
When to act?
How do I remain in patience?

I feel like I'm biding my time
waiting until things
"really happen"
And yet, I know God is working
Now
Forming me and others

How do I let the patience guide me?

Jump when I say, “jump.”
No.
Why not?
I’ll jump when I’m ready.
No, jump now. I said, “jump.”
No.
I said, “jump.”
I know you did.
Then do it.
I said I’ll jump when I’m ready.
You’re fired.
I know.
Jump already.
When I’m ready.
The time had come, and she jumped.
You jumped.
I know.
Why?
You asked me to, and I was ready.
I don’t understand.
Oh, well.
Jump.

What is it to live just below financial "self sufficiency"?
* Food assistance
* Energy assistance
* Medical assistance

and still having a hard time making ends meet.

* Enormous student loans to repay
* Mortgage payments near half our monthly income
* Old cars breaking down and needing repair

Two working parents
Can't afford childcare
Can't afford dental care
Can't afford so many things...

It's like being "almost" healthy --
well enough to live and
look normal

but every day taking a toll on the body

unseen

but there.

Bringing you down over time

so that one day when you CRASH

people wonder why.

You looked fine.


Just Below Sufficient is no place to be.

How do I help my children have advantages
I can't afford
that might keep them from this same situation?

What is it to be family
when work requires both
mother and father to be
single parents most of the time?

We are following our calls
Working hard
Doing the best we know how

YET -
at the edge of every day the stress
threatening to overtake us

Waiting for the days we will CRASH
and hoping for the miracle of
better pay for our work.

I know that I need to prove myself
I know my experience is dwarfed by the height of some around me

but

I also know that wisdom dwells within me
and that I am not a "typical" twenty-five-year-old.

They hired me. They saw potential in me to accomplish great things.
I need them to trust the spark of potential they saw when they hired me

and

support me in fullness as I prove myself
to them
and to everybody else.

I need them to believe that I can accomplish
what I will accomplish

and for them to challenge me to take on things
they know I can do

and support me when I take on challenges
even when they think I will fail

being ready to encourage me to continue
even if I do fail

knowing that within me is the ability, the talent, the desire
to do what it is I need to do in this life

and supporting the person that I am
by supporting what I am called to do.

Sometimes life feels like Wonderland
When up does not seem to be up,
And down does not seem to be down.
When we start out with big ideas
And find ourselves hoping we don’t extinguish
as the variables in life keep changing.
Sometimes we find ourselves in worlds
Where “off with your head” seems a sensible quotation
And where rabbits with gloves does not seem unlikely.
These times are when we are closest to God
Somehow in the place where confusion meets consciousness
And logic meets emotion
In that place is a thing called truth
A being called God
And the core of what it is to be human.