It controls her
She can't stop it
It's a constant battle
She can't drop it

It has become a habit
She can't quit
It's taking over her body
Bit by bit

The scars fade
But the memories don't
She wants them to leave
But they refuse.. They won't

It's an on going battle.
It's a fight she never wins
It's a constant struggle
It's a war that never ends

It's her sweet escape
It gets her lost in her own place
She gets to control the pain
As her adrenaline starts to race

She grabs it off the dresser
As a tear falls from her cheek
She presses even harder
Reminding herself not to shriek

No one understands
No one ever will
This habit now controls her
As the world around her stands still

But now the room is spinning
Her head is getting light
She falls back in her bed
Refusing to put up a fight

She takes one last breath as she turns out the lights
Then she closes her eyes as she calls it a night

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never go home again.
My room will sit unused,
A capsule frozen in time,
A snapshot of how I was.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my dog again.
She will sit at the front door
Waiting for me and wondering,
Why I never came home.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never graduate from high school.
My yearbooks will sit stacked
Stopped short of their goal,
Missing years that should have been.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my mom again.
She will sit distraught,
Planning a funeral
For a child taken from her.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my friends again.
They'll sit together, missing me.
One empty seat among them,
A constant reminder of their loss.

If I die in a school shooting
I'll never see my little sister again.
She will sit through high school
Knowing I can't guide her through,
That she has to figure it out alone.

If I die in a school shooting
My school will be stained.
Pools of students lives will sit,
Blood tattoos on the brick structures,
Marks of death ground into it.

If I die in a school shooting
Everyone will wear black.
They'll send their thoughts and prayers
To a town marred by death,
Forever to be the home of a shooting.

If I die in a school shooting
Will the world change?
Or will I become one of hundreds  
Of kids who have to die?
What will it take?

If things continue this way
Children will have to live in fear.
They'll look over their shoulders
Always worried and wondering,
If they'll die in a school shooting.

Break my bones;
cut my throat.
Pull me open,
learn the ropes.

Breath me in;
taste the fear.
Shank my skin;
stand and cheer.

Kick my head;
let me bleed.
Unbolt my veins;
enjoy the read.

Gouge my eyes;
punch my face.
Wrap me up
in your embrace.

When I was sixteen I fell in love with a girl
Who looked like autumn
Long wavy hair the colour of maple leaves
Freckles on her cheeks scattered like raindrops on grass
She felt like home in ways I could never understand

Rose petal lips and silk skin
She had silver knives hidden as collarbones in her chest
They didn’t hurt me until she left
That summer I broke my own heart for her

Falling in love with her was easy
But accepting it was so much harder
She made me feel things I wasn’t supposed to feel

The first time she kissed me was magic
She ghosted her lips across mine
And I didn’t know it had happened
Until it was over
I can still taste the coffee from her lips

My autumn girl
Your heart was filled with wild flowers
You said you’d never change the world
But in one summer you changed mine
To this day I don’t remember how to get back to where I was without you

You don't know my pain,
the way it shines within my eyes,
sparkling like the gleam of happiness,
hidden within a shadow,

You don't know my anguish,
in the loss of my family,
the splitting of a life,
torn between two parents,

You don't know my happiness,
the changing of a number,
sun shining on my face,
texture of a page,
holding a world in my hands,

You don't know my name,
what colors I wear,
actions to make my heart beat fast,
the place where thoughts can be revealed,

You don't know me,
Don't try to tell me what to do,
you'll just end up looking stupid,
and i'll just end up doing what I want to do.