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julianna Feb 2020
I have sterile hands and a fragile heart
Tired eyes and heavy limbs
Stony stare and limp lip
I couldn’t want you anymore
And now I’m stuck staring at my bathroom floor
I’m a slave to your magnetic charm
A ****** for your magic smile
All these years, I thought I had a monopoly on your attention...
But now you’re hugging her
And I’m catatonic
Solitude Man Jun 2018
'The door’s locked
I’m flying off the handle
   she fettered the grenade to my feet
     My heart’s catatonic and lips paraplegic
    I shut my eyes, turn back the clock
and escape my sins'

-  Jack Frost
Ashley Kane Apr 2018
I Wish I could love myself
Or
See my own beauty that others apparently see

I wish I could feel my body’s worth and potential
I wish I could live to be the best me

To fill myself with nutrition and goodness
To have wild ambition and love free

To fight for my dreams and feel full and high on life
Why can’t I do this for me ?

Why do I poison myself with sugar and gin
Why don’t I get up and move

Almost brain dead, catatonic
old and to broken
Just a big disappointment to me

My own expectations have fallen and gone
My self respect doesn’t exist

I exhaust from self reproaching jokes and I don’t expect anything of me

(C) Ashley Kane Fb
Katelyn Billat Jan 2018
I watch the dust particles,
floating in the glow of
The computer screen.
My eyes focus on one until it
Gets lost in the darkness.
Perhaps they land on my eyelashes.

"Do the work,"
I tell myself
"Just write down the stupid answers,
Just half-*** it like you always do."

My mind is in constant battle
With my body.
I know all the things I need to do,
Yet my body will not cooperate.

"Just do something!"

I tell myself this as I
Stare at nothing,
At air,
Like some insane
Catatonic person.
Luna Craft Jul 2016
I've made being depressed a habit
As if ceasing this life would make me feel less tired
Pretend that I learned something new to appease this emptiness;
Stuffing filth in bloodied wounds does not heal them
Bandages will never fully heal closed scars
Dying will never help this uselessness
I can only stay here, in between alive and dead
The catatonic state that I'm so used to
subpar star May 2016
you are the sun, the moon, every single star.
you are the silent breath that dances with the trees.
you are the snowflakes in the winter,
and the flowers blooming in the summer.
you are both the devil and god
and i could not possibly think
of a more beautiful combination,
because you are catatonic.
you have the potential to explode
and destroy everyone in your path
but instead you internalize your combustion
so the only one who gets hurt is you.
you are the only one i would both live and die for,
but i wish you would learn to live for yourself.
Sally A Bayan Apr 2016

(Empty Gaze)





It was a journey, unwanted
you should've been with me, instead
i walked behind you
i sat beside you
not one bit did you care,
impenetrable, was your stare
i got dizzy from turning around
and ended in front of you, on the same ground.

your catatonic eyes, i sought    
your disconnected gaze, i  fought,
i waited, calmly
patiently,
stood there longer...your hand, i was scared to touch
you could've hopped, traipsed, dreamed too much
and i...could've been lost, in your world, on that old cold couch
our very own faded green couch....where, suddenly
unexpectedly
your eyes blinked and appeared startled
they seemed to have awakened
and challenged my stare
a frown surfaced
then a smile...brightened your face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh, the fear is so great
an empty gaze must never again take place!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you are now with me
next to me....the closest we can be
I feel the wind of your breath,
Your pulse, your heart beating
no more gaps, or spaces to keep us apart
our hands hold tight
bodies, softly pressed
as  we now lay together...
you hug me tight, i know you feel much safer
i hug you back...tighter  
i feel much, much better,
cause i'm now holding you...i've got you home,
we are both sheltered...in each other's warmth,
it matters not...we could lie, sit, or slouch,
the two of us...comfortably...in our own old couch.

It doesn't matter to me
where you had been

I'm begging......praying
no more empty gazes would occur
to part us............once more.




Sally

Copyright 2014
Rosalia Rosario A. Bayan
***have you ever experienced being "out there, roaming," even for a short time? Like, passing out, and watching, from above? Not at all like schizophrenia....but, like an out of body experience...or a momentary lapse in body functions...***
Nameless Sep 2015
Never again,
will my lucky numbers be:
17, 23, 19, 21...
My stomach turns,
when I turn the volume to 27.
... So I lower it to 16.
3 letters that scare me,
5 weeks for a life to decay.
One deer smiling
the other solemn,
eyes glazed over.
I am within the stars.
Orion, but without his belt.
I count the stars,
one, two, three, four----
A bug buzzes in my ear...
And I come down falling,
like a shooting start.
But it's not a beautiful sight.
And the bug,
The bug had to of stung me----
Because it hurts.
My eyes are closed...
But I have to ***.
I must make my legs leave.
Fast.
GO.
NOW!
AS FAST AS YOU CAN...
... just run?
I'm here...
The bug bite stings,
I want to sleep.
To dream,
A dream better than this!
But flash backs from the stars
Plague my mind-----.
I didn't dream...
I didn't dream a dream
better than this...
The bite is gone,
but it left a mark.
A mark the size of
a 7 to 8 year sentence.
And I used to love riding my bike.
But now...
I can't stand the sound it makes.
The seat.
The handle bars.
How at any moment,
The peddle could make you crash...
SCRAPPED, CRASHED, BURNED.
I'm safe...
'Not safe yet', Police say.
I hear chatter over their radios.
Why can't I tune everything out?
... Why lie,
But the truth was never any better.

And my eyes,
Why are they so dull and grey?
I could have sworn,
they were bright blue,
Like the sky...
But there's no color left.
3 letters that scared me...
3 letters that took away,
the color in my eyes...
Based on a recent traumatic event that I am still going through.
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