memories,
captured in a moment.
on a single paper,
remembering in the silent,
inks fade, doesn't last forever,
together we are broken,
but we can see it in this small paper,
these happiness and enjoyment.

we were two
hands wound
tight as we got
our first tattoos

and last week i
was the arm
stained with
your tears

(the last time i remember
seeing you cry was the
night last summer when i told
you i was planning to die
and you told me it was
selfish but you needed me)

it's not selfish to need
someone its selfish to
think you're strong enough
to make it all alone

you
are
strong
oh you
are so
strong

but sometimes we need
someone to give permission
to let us be weak and i know
that for you i am that someone
and for me you
are that someone

yet i'm sorry that i am
not always so strong

(and now comes the point
in the poem where i feel
guilty for a few stanzas
but we both already know
that part by heart so
this time i'll skip it)

a long time ago you
fell off the face of
the earth and i still
don't exactly know where
you went but there are parts
to every long and somewhat
dark story that eventually
become so hazed over with
dust and grime it's better to
forget them entirely

but i wrote you a letter
and i don't remember
what i wrote and i don't
know if it changed anything

but i know after that
you came back and
i don't know much
but i know maybe

you didn't need me
to have the answers
you just needed me
to be out there somewhere

i can't promise you
perfection or
good advice or
stability or
anything helpful
like that

but that's okay
because i'm human
and i can't promise you
i won't cry but i
promise you i'm not
going anywhere

our relationship
lasts because
it is both
selfish and selfless

(you told me asking
someone having a
panic attack to "breathe
for me" triggers guilt
which causes them to
be willing to do it
for the other person
i know it works because
you've walked me out of
enough panic attacks
and because sometimes
i'm over here staying
alive because i know you
need me to which is probably
selfish for both of us but
it's working so hey)

and staying alive is
the hardest and in the end
most selfish thing
i've ever done but
for you i'll try.

i have to live with this uncertainty
the constant thought of death sitting above my head,
dangling its feet in front of my eyes
i'm not really afraid of the death itself
but what i'll miss
and what would've come after
yet i also wish for this death
because it's fast and i would no longer suffer
my brain wouldn't torment me anymore
and my second vital ***** would be still
i wouldn't feel the bounce of my heart when it palpitates
or the feeling of a knife sliding in between my ribcage
but it's weird to think about how it could happen
any time, anywhere
and i wouldn't be able to control this
or say goodbye
or make the impact that i want to have on you

drown me in
the ease
that drips from your
pores
and becomes you

How spiteful it is
that I spend an abundance
of time on
the things I need to do
and not the things I want to

I sit in history and paint pictures
with my mind
swirling and twirling

I sit in chemistry and compose songs
with my mind
bounding and leaping

I sit in english, even, and write poetry
with my mind
meaningful and mine


I sit
I sit
I sit

Will you remember my name?
When the voice on the intercom says it along with an obituary.
When the sound of my name during class gets called but the entire classroom sits in silence.
Will you remember my face?
When I held the door for you but never received recognition;
when I saw you on the hallway and waved hello but you simply stared and passed me by.
Will you remember my voice?
When I got scolded for talking trying to get your attention.
When I got sent to the hall for being childish trying to make you laugh.
Will you remember my eyes?
The eyes you always seemed to catch glaring at you;
the same eyes that shed a tear when you screamed to leave you alone.
Will you remember me?
Will you remember laughing and telling your friends of the weird kid who thought he had a chance.
Will you remember the weird kid that was there when you stumbled crossing the street?
Will you remember being pushed and the abrupt break of four wheels:
Will you remember the crimson on your clothes when you turned around,
and also...
Did you remember to pick up my letter from the ground?