I've been pacing for seven years now
Dug myself into a deep dark trench
The worst part about it is I've known about it but i couldn't stop
I know when things are important but i struggle with the motivation to give a single ****
It's not a term i use lightly
I want to but it's easier to run
But I've backed myself into a corner and given my past a loaded gun
Regrets are heavy
Placed so delicately on my shoulders day by day
But my knees are getting weak
It's like getting stabbed over and over again with a dull knife
It'll never penetrate but it still hurts right
I'm slowly losing this fight
It never fails to haunt me
Every single night.

I'm not afraid I'm just weak.

I'm having trouble getting out of bed lately.
It seems id rather dream because that's the only place i don't hate me.

Cynicism is my confucianism bury my coffin shallow so i can still fell the rain.

I can't stand the lack of pain.

You are in my head
But there's not many of you left
I am now in alliance with the negativity
My good thoughts are retreating from myself
I've spent many nights trying to get my mind aligned
And Watching horror movies hoping the killer was fine
I've lost track of time.

This writing is in memoriam to my hopes and dreams becoming a crime

Self destruction is easier than it looks.

Were you really worth it
When you stretched the truth over your bones
You chose to be alone

Alone with your altered mind
I hope the next time you light something and breath it in your throat catches on fire

Take in the noxious fumes of tempted desire

You were nothing but a liar

The repetition is uncanny

I love picking at my old wounds
I can't escape my past
Id love to tell you goodbye
But my dear depression
You are here to last

I wish I could tell you
Every little thing
I think in my head
But I can't because
They move too fast,
Are too slippery to grasp
And hold onto long enough
To write into lyrical thoughts
Worthy of your time.

came to visit me again last night
seeping in when i was half asleep
embracing me from the inside
keeping me awake in his presence
he's not a friend
nor a foe
we solely co-exist
then i should probably get accustomed to his presence
regardless how queasy and uneasy he makes me feel
how he makes i small
probably he cares about me
i just need to
     stop
         him
           *******
Stop.

I wage war
That's never been seen before
Is sanity worth fighting for?
I'm not really sure

Insanity?
A calamity?
I call it individuality!

Who is Society
To create this hypocrisy?!?
It seems like such a tragedy
To waste such ingenuity
To dull the creativity