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October Dec 2018
I had a different name
It was "Undiscovered"
Now this name, no longer my cover
There's a darker truth as to why it's updated to "October"
Tears of joy, tears of sadness
They all share this amber month of blackness
A deep history of sight
The pain and origin of why I write

Her name was Erin
She was beautiful
She was young
Erin, was special
and Rhett's, without doubt, the devil
The disease rendered her without brain function
Resulted in physical mutation
Erin, had an expiration
The day came
In the same month born
She would, from this life, be torn
I love you Erin
October Dec 2018
It's not a fairy-tale
It's just love, you and me
Learning to give
Learning to be
Don't get me wrong, your love
It's true
And deep
And Strong
But it's not a fairy-tale
It never will be
Not like it was with him and me
But a smolder still creates heat
It's not a fairy-tale
But it's not defeat
October Nov 2018
Healing is a like a purgatory
where I spend my time bouncing back and forth
between feelings of "over it"
and "I'll never be the same"
Trying, grasping at feelings of sane.
In this temporary hold of time,
where I don't have control over self and mind,
I pray
I pray for myself
for happiness and health
I pray and I pray for the day not spent lying awake,
awake in thought of me and you,
awake in thought of a time in place where smiles rang true
a time in place before I had any sort of clue
of just how south we were heading
off the road into a dead end
a place where the ground all of the sudden let in
no support below, we were falling
the fall was hard, to the point it knocked me out
when I awoke I had come to find
that we had landed in separate places of distance and time
so purgatory I sit
until feelings of sadness and anger no longer fit
October Nov 2018
The same sad rhetoric
Running lines of deepened wounds
Repetitious stanzas in bitter tune
Get a clue, my girl
Dig deeper to words more provoking
These same sad lines have you choking
Let’s take a break
I hope to strand together a sense of letters worth more than just the meaning of heartache
I feel stuck in my writing. I’m not growing or expanding my subject matter. My words are stale. Same sad story. Come on, next girl.
October Aug 2018
We will both move on to be
better, stonger,
different people.
We will find the one,
the right one.
I like to think that maybe,
maybe in another life we were meant to be.
In another life we find each other,
again, as we always do.
In this other life exists a love;
A love that is intended to be carried out;
A love intended to be seen to the end.
Just unfortunately, not in this life.
In this life it’s goodbye.
In this life it’s never again.
In this life our love,
our deep, deep love
has come to an end.
Some love never dies. It just temporarily ends. Until we are reborn where this love picks up again. I will find you. In the next life.
October Aug 2018
today is your birthday
I hope you know that if I could
if I could say it
I would say happy birthday
but I cant
I can't congratulate you on another year
but I hope there's cake
and candles too
like the ones I used to do
but that's over
however, your day is not
so take a shot
"cheers to 28"
today is his birthday. the (ex)love of my life's birthday. but i'll never tell him happy birthday and he'll never know i wrote this.
October Aug 2018
Heartbreak is an inevitable thing.
I knew this. I knew that throughout the course of my early life, I would experience many heartbreaks.
You know, the ones where it wasn’t meant to be. Life designed to have these strategically planned heartbreaks so that you could grow, you could learn.
A pain so real, it is as though the pain is literally reconfiguring your insides as it moves through you; staying just long enough to shape you, but not long enough to become you.
Our hearts like a key getting resized and fitted for the next lock.
Getting so far into the lock before realizing it’s not a match, our heart, getting shaped and sized per each of these attempts. Shaping up until it finds the right lock; the day when your key fits and you know it’s a match – the feeling people refer to as “when you know, you know”.

Is it possible, however, to find your match- the lock that you are finally meant to open, but while turning the key something goes wrong?
What once was a perfect fit, now sits ajar. The answer: I don’t know.
I loved a man.
A perfect fit.
Our love was trusting, it was giving, it was deep, and strong, and passionate.
I loved this man with all of my being;
and he loved me back.

This man is dead.
That’s what breaking up with someone feels like, anyways.
It is as if they are dead.
You will no longer talk with them, share with them, kiss them, hug them, touch them, love them.
They will no longer hold you at night while you sleep.
They will no longer embrace you in the morning, kiss you when you wake.
It is as though they do not exist.
Not to you anyway; or you to them.
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