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8.1k · Aug 2018
blow out your candles
October Aug 2018
today is your birthday
I hope you know that if I could
if I could say it
I would say happy birthday
but I cant
I can't congratulate you on another year
but I hope there's cake
and candles too
like the ones I used to do
but that's over
however, your day is not
so take a shot
"cheers to 28"
today is his birthday. the (ex)love of my life's birthday. but i'll never tell him happy birthday and he'll never know i wrote this.
6.7k · Oct 2013
lavender
October Oct 2013
words so clever could not hide this blundered heart
two halves in being when we are apart
these words so carefully crafted [turn and spill] become my art

they help me mend my
broken
broken
heart

this canvas: *****, tattered

just paint me lavender
and find me there after
4.2k · Aug 2018
Lock and Key
October Aug 2018
Heartbreak is an inevitable thing.
I knew this. I knew that throughout the course of my early life, I would experience many heartbreaks.
You know, the ones where it wasn’t meant to be. Life designed to have these strategically planned heartbreaks so that you could grow, you could learn.
A pain so real, it is as though the pain is literally reconfiguring your insides as it moves through you; staying just long enough to shape you, but not long enough to become you.
Our hearts like a key getting resized and fitted for the next lock.
Getting so far into the lock before realizing it’s not a match, our heart, getting shaped and sized per each of these attempts. Shaping up until it finds the right lock; the day when your key fits and you know it’s a match – the feeling people refer to as “when you know, you know”.

Is it possible, however, to find your match- the lock that you are finally meant to open, but while turning the key something goes wrong?
What once was a perfect fit, now sits ajar. The answer: I don’t know.
I loved a man.
A perfect fit.
Our love was trusting, it was giving, it was deep, and strong, and passionate.
I loved this man with all of my being;
and he loved me back.

This man is dead.
That’s what breaking up with someone feels like, anyways.
It is as if they are dead.
You will no longer talk with them, share with them, kiss them, hug them, touch them, love them.
They will no longer hold you at night while you sleep.
They will no longer embrace you in the morning, kiss you when you wake.
It is as though they do not exist.
Not to you anyway; or you to them.
2.0k · Oct 2013
hazel memories
October Oct 2013
& all of the sudden i have a case of insomnia
thinking about your hazel eyes
pools of golden honey brown
so deep with promise of truth
but inevitable glimmers of falsity

a hollow shell now perched by your amber intentions
still smolders from your hazel touch
1.7k · Nov 2013
if I were a Rapper....
October Nov 2013
Cause we all need a
little humor in our lives:

Cheetos and coffee
can't let these assignments stop me
cause it's a hard knock life
being a student tryin' to get it right
protestin' those late nights
and drownin' in the red bull,
give me wings
& prepare my *** for finer things
1.7k · Dec 2018
It was a space
October Dec 2018
A space so unfitting
A space tired, not so uplifting
“Rehab”
”Rehab”
”Rehabilitate my space”, you pled
And I did
I did just that once you, out of town, fled
Back in town, it was going to be a monumental surprise
One that you and I could share and sleep in that night
That night and all the nights to follow
When you witnessed your new space you could barely swallow
Chocking back tears, I had succeeded in my mission
Now this space, you share with your new person
Does she like the color blue?
What about the gold accents I detailed just for you?
It’s your space, and hers now
I hope the dark shadows of your new space haunt you, watch over you like an owl
In witness of you two interlaced
With someone who has now taken my place
To lavender I retreat
That shade of navy and I never to re-meet
1.4k · Aug 2018
In another life
October Aug 2018
We will both move on to be
better, stonger,
different people.
We will find the one,
the right one.
I like to think that maybe,
maybe in another life we were meant to be.
In another life we find each other,
again, as we always do.
In this other life exists a love;
A love that is intended to be carried out;
A love intended to be seen to the end.
Just unfortunately, not in this life.
In this life it’s goodbye.
In this life it’s never again.
In this life our love,
our deep, deep love
has come to an end.
Some love never dies. It just temporarily ends. Until we are reborn where this love picks up again. I will find you. In the next life.
1.2k · Nov 2013
cloudy weather
October Nov 2013
Cloudy days to which I like
As my darkened feelings can less subtly hide
But rainy days to which I love
Tear covered skin with no need to glove
Because as the skies pour hard
The less my tears appear ajar
984 · Oct 2013
Second phase: Anger
October Oct 2013
I hope you feel like an *******
You salty *******
This tangled web of pain and deceit
to which you have stitched
A faltering rock so inept
For all of those emotions
or lack there of that you kept
Kept buried away
Or maybe dimensioned
Pain and deceit
to with you can never replenish
Remove your icy insidious hand
Cause you are just another *******
To which I can not stand
883 · Oct 2013
codes of color
October Oct 2013
tangerine skies
they exist, i know
i hope*
an introspective world flickers in darkened taupe
blue ivy pierces dreams
lavender hopes evade
tangerine skies, you swirl my desires
a life of steep expectancy
and a fleeting presence of hope
tangerine skies you ignite my mind
and fuel my spirit; a long and tattered rope
880 · Nov 2013
discovered
October Nov 2013
uncovered,
the truth is i'm lonely
my heart caught in unsure roaming
a need of connection
my heart has been led in so many wrong directions
hollow ready to be filled
this heart remains unhealed
unhealed from previous encounters
"be careful around her",
so they may say
my heart a motionless, yet open bay
rapture this heart crimson
and lay with me throughout my longing days
because this loneliness has to be an ending maze
a passing, meager haze
a hollow, inept phase
with the promise of fulfillment
the promise of a rose and golden resilience
the promise of the longing words "erase it" (this phase)
857 · Nov 2013
sleep
October Nov 2013
flickering amber carousels
about my window  
blue sails creep in
drifting lavender soft
& mandarin slow
ivory frolics through darkened light
champagne drifting, closing sight
peaceful dreams
smoldering oak
a submergence of waves
this body to soak
842 · Dec 2018
It's not a fairy-tale
October Dec 2018
It's not a fairy-tale
It's just love, you and me
Learning to give
Learning to be
Don't get me wrong, your love
It's true
And deep
And Strong
But it's not a fairy-tale
It never will be
Not like it was with him and me
But a smolder still creates heat
It's not a fairy-tale
But it's not defeat
October Oct 2013
to write a poem about you
the fleeting, unknown presence of you
a seeming hippie in flight
dislocated to these locked lands of 'might'
i might, i may
you are a presence of try and some day
a enforcer of push
and hitter of that beautiful, blossoming kush
you will bleed from these layered grasses of country sorrow
off to a greater and better tomorrow
rooted in a new proclaimed essence of you
those lands will wash and embed your coded hands of can do
802 · Nov 2013
fling.
October Nov 2013
you're a breath of fresh air
& i just cant help it
crafted,
standing alone in this dark pit

your dark eyes
your brilliant soul
rescues my pathetic stranded soul
i just want you to text me, touch me, hold me
more

i am:  aware
                that something is slightly off

but i just can't muster a care
because this deep, fresh breath of air
has become something so painfully rare...

when trapped in hell

i am a hollow shell
to your charming, warm, amber spell
800 · Jul 2014
Mr. Deceiving
October Jul 2014
Oh and you will be tempted.
I promise that you will be tempted;
but don't give in to the one who can't fix it.
He'll carry a bronze heart slandered red.
Up tall, dark waters you tread my girl.
But knock three times,
and you can hear that swindled chime
781 · Oct 2013
a playground of demons
October Oct 2013
This is where
where our darkest demons come to play
they intertwine with dark interlaces of mingle
layered and stacked
our brains become not so seemingly single
for its all here
here in these dark layers of uncertainty and fear
you tell your tale tells of blue ivy dreams
to which your identity in an essence is perecieved as seen
758 · Dec 2018
apart
October Dec 2018
Everyone is living their fairytale
While I’m living in hell
Come back to me already
Let's make this right
Mend this hole and close it tight
No one has to ever know
The deep cuts created
The harmful words spoke
Let’s go back to the way things were
Before you shattered my heart
Before everything between you and me fell apart
October Oct 2013
i know this girl,
her name is Addison
beautiful,
mandarin
and each day i beg for
her hand again
i know this guy,
his name is Walter
his oh so sweet taste
do i falter
he is bold
he is bright
however we always end
in plight
but me and Walter
we can never take flight
much like this girl i know,
Meg
to whom i will beg
beg for serenity and peace
when me and her often meet
706 · Oct 2013
Darkness within
October Oct 2013
Lines of betrayal and deceit sink deep
These dark lingering thoughts, hard to keep
Hard to keep buried within
This tattered spirit is in attempt to mend
This air of darkness is in must to fleet
A faltered facade reaches for light
But this dark haze is winning the fight
698 · Jul 2014
something to relate
October Jul 2014
and something to relate
all we want is something to relate
because in this salty world
we remains submerged
until someone can say i feel your hurt
until someone can say i know such fates
until someone can say i relate
663 · Nov 2013
graphite memories
October Nov 2013
and it ***** because a lot of them
are about him
words searching in which to heal
in which to mend
and send, this poetry I will not
graphite covered pages he'll never read
a clear understanding
he'll never see
we're just two sheets of ice
melting into tidal waves
that wash and spill
our remembered days
wash and spill
they are just a hue
erasing my burned thoughts,
memories of you
but these pages won't forget
all our moments in stanzas and lists
636 · Oct 2013
Hard rain. Soft tears
October Oct 2013
In the car
Ignition off
Rain pours hard
And the tears come soft
In the this moment
This deep moment of lost
I concentrate on the patters of rain
Their begging, pledging presence
The only thing keeping me sane
Because when their sweet sound drops
I'll be invaded by insidious moments of
Thought
633 · Feb 2014
dark before the light ptII
October Feb 2014
tangerine skies exist as beautiful,
astonishing light
but only, first after blossoming from
the darkness of night
610 · Oct 2013
and so my name
October Oct 2013
raw, proud, & true
these words reach to speak to you
embedded codes
a complex, deep map of layered roads
i beg for you to untangle their meanings
because some where i lie *within
these readings
until then with these words i am covered
without their meanings
i am

**undiscovered
601 · Dec 2018
Name Change
October Dec 2018
I had a different name
It was "Undiscovered"
Now this name, no longer my cover
There's a darker truth as to why it's updated to "October"
Tears of joy, tears of sadness
They all share this amber month of blackness
A deep history of sight
The pain and origin of why I write

Her name was Erin
She was beautiful
She was young
Erin, was special
and Rhett's, without doubt, the devil
The disease rendered her without brain function
Resulted in physical mutation
Erin, had an expiration
The day came
In the same month born
She would, from this life, be torn
I love you Erin
568 · Oct 2013
i hate you.
October Oct 2013
I think I'll lay here
protesting to be broken
next to the lies you used
to cut my heart wide open
a faltered spirit
a hollow shell
I sink down deep
submerged in this lonely hell
ignited with heat
the ashes crumble
with soft sorrows of protest
so lifelessly humble
565 · Nov 2013
inept
October Nov 2013
i must admit my deep disdain
for the ineptitude of my being
is in circle to remain
i warrant you not to reach in grasp for this heart
even whether you are
enamored by my craft, love of art
my gentle, charming
and inevitable clumsy ways
my laugh
my shining effervescence essence of days
because i will tell you the truth
ineptitude persist at my root
a built alluring facade breathes rose
happy, appealing to the nose
nose of sight
but i must tell you the truth
in protest of right
this facade is a hollow shell
divulged, lies not right
touched
will crumble down
to dissipate in fleeting, wistful sight
however, as i warrant against your love
i welcome your deep, genuine attempt
in hope to deem this ineptitude one day *exempt
557 · Dec 2013
red.
October Dec 2013
I just want to cut myself open

to see if I bleed
...

to see if I am real

to exhaust all of these exhausting feelings that I feel
October Oct 2013
sorry for my cutting presence
a darkened cloud of piercing shards
for these words stand to make a mark
I fight for girls and boys of a crimsoned heart
a mischievous rising that shakes and splinters
that comes down upon all of our calloused contenders
self proclaimed nights of armor
to which they could not stand any more wrong
oh how they pull and tug, weeding, deceiting us along
an enamored kiss that shined rose
cloaking all forehadowed, creeping woes
glittering flames that sparkled with lust
a now blistering conscious and presence of regretful musk
raise those silvery swords
because today crimsoned boys and girls
we enter a battle of heart forsaken war
549 · Nov 2013
humans are a threshold
October Nov 2013
door mats:
they come in different shapes
but are usually all the same measly size,
overlooked
barely noticed

doors:
they come in all different shapes and sizes
but usually the same shape,
trusted regular shape
they do not hide who they are
& they'll hit you in the face if you're not paying attention
when walking in and out of their presence

which  are  you?
i'm a door
October Nov 2013
There exist nothing that roots me to this earth
The only thing that stops me from taking my life is the trouble it would be worth
Money paid for service and a creped box
The time spent and lost of the attended 'loved ones'
I guess until I find a way to bury myself outside of metaphoric rhymes
I will continue to exist and write these lines
529 · Feb 2014
the dark before the light
October Feb 2014
In the cold air of night,
there lingers a warmth of sun

in the darkness of fright
there lingers a sense of hope,
a sense of light
446 · Oct 2013
[love] for the moment
October Oct 2013
I use you for the only thing in which you are good
This love was always misunderstood

Hollow shells move like ice
This desire for superficial nice

It's known,
stated,
and plain
But I still choke in frame

I submerge self quilt
with this deep embrace
Hoping to be more than a remembered face

I need to ask
How do I taste?

Is it salty?

Because this current [love] is so faulty
It's faulty because you do not love me at all in fact
Love is such a long stretch when your heart is barely intact

But hold me close
Because this moment shines rose

And all is calm
Until the empty space in my bed outweighs what is filled
Where my heart [in this moment] seemingly healed
Will break open releasing all that was sealed

And I will lay here
Heart barely intact
Until our next lusting act
442 · Nov 2013
drive.
October Nov 2013
I'm just going to take a trip
to get some gas
because you see my tank is empty
from when I filled it last
maybe after I'll  parooz these streets of autumn and gold
but you see there is this other thought for which I hold
crisp leather sparks the dash
wheel in hand this could just be my last
because you see beyond those autumn trees is a street untold
where the beautiful landscape sharply unfolds
blundering rocks of shaken streams
a quick slip of the wheel
and I'll be off to a world of dreams
where no one can touch my soul
it'll just be the ground's now
to forever hold
409 · Nov 2013
the essence of writing
October Nov 2013
and so all of them remain
written with in a five minute time span
because poetry is a liquid bed of emotion
not to be rewritten
edited
or changed
it remains in the moment of your disdain
or love
hope
or fear
these words are liquid emotions
for the brain to hear
275 · Jun 2016
broken
October Jun 2016
I want to love you
Broken
I try
Broken
I try to get out the
Broken
Out the sentences but something is
Broken
162 · Aug 2016
Amber Door.
October Aug 2016
Fingerlings of trust branch out to touch.
You provide a sense of hope,
I hope to keep hush.
As to let you in to this home
would just be to much.
Hollow wood struck with amber,
stands tall between your face and mine.
Gold flashes out of the corner of my eye.
Round in presence, it turns as you persist to try.
I raise my hands to push against the standing mass
now opening in my direction.
Move slow I shout.
Beyond this threshold is a cluttered home
that renders cold, inept of warmth.
Give me a moment,
I'll start a fire to warm the air that now stands in front of your face and mine.
117 · Nov 2018
Self critique
October Nov 2018
The same sad rhetoric
Running lines of deepened wounds
Repetitious stanzas in bitter tune
Get a clue, my girl
Dig deeper to words more provoking
These same sad lines have you choking
Let’s take a break
I hope to strand together a sense of letters worth more than just the meaning of heartache
I feel stuck in my writing. I’m not growing or expanding my subject matter. My words are stale. Same sad story. Come on, next girl.
109 · Nov 2018
purgatory
October Nov 2018
Healing is a like a purgatory
where I spend my time bouncing back and forth
between feelings of "over it"
and "I'll never be the same"
Trying, grasping at feelings of sane.
In this temporary hold of time,
where I don't have control over self and mind,
I pray
I pray for myself
for happiness and health
I pray and I pray for the day not spent lying awake,
awake in thought of me and you,
awake in thought of a time in place where smiles rang true
a time in place before I had any sort of clue
of just how south we were heading
off the road into a dead end
a place where the ground all of the sudden let in
no support below, we were falling
the fall was hard, to the point it knocked me out
when I awoke I had come to find
that we had landed in separate places of distance and time
so purgatory I sit
until feelings of sadness and anger no longer fit
64 · Feb 7
no longer true
October Feb 7
a light
a higher truth
for which to shine
highlighting that your path is no longer mine

because there is a light
a higher truth
made for me with someone new
our story no longer wielding to the world around
our love no longer creating it's sweet sound

because there is a light
a higher truth
for me to carry out with someone,
anyone,
just not you.

— The End —