Absent are the people
I truly believed were there.
Absent is my sympathy,
To truly love and care.
Absent is the one,
Whom directly I talk to.
Absent is the name,
I rather just call 'you.'
Absent is your presence
In a friendship that you played a part.
Absent is the love
You claim is within your heart.
Absent are the words,
I long to let pour off of my tongue.
Absent is our future,
Though, we are still young.
Absent are the reasons
For all of the swift ends.
Absent are the people,
I once had called my friends.
Absent are my thoughts,
That figures this all out.
Absent is my voice,
To whisper, talk or shout.
Absent is my courage,
To tell you about my pain.
Absent are the benefits
I would ever wish to gain.
Absent is the trust,
In whom I grew to know.
Absent is your reluctancy,
That wanted me to go.
Absent are the smiles,
That once sat upon my face.
Absent are my memories,
Of the times you showed no grace.
Absent is the understanding,
I hope we'll come to, yet.
Absent are the days
I never want to forget.
Absent is the truth,
That solves all of this mess.
Absent are my mistakes,
You could forgive no less.
Absent is the happiness,
I once felt deep inside.
Absent is you,
Right here by my side.
Absent is the person,
I could never quite love more.
Absent is his existence,
For he's not who he was before.
Absent is my knowledge,
To explain all in one poem..
Absent is my ability
To climb right up to Heaven,
And bring you safely home..

A tryst between the ring master's daughter and his young apprentice
Goes unfulfilled by the reluctancy of the young  man
And his unspoken, half assumed desire for the girl behind the cotton candy booth
But the ring master's daughter, with her quivering curls
Waits by the zoo tent all night
For a wisp of woebegone love
With a poor, handsome Circus Freak

from my car in motion i saw
some shivering silhouette
with a soft glow like
the last drop of sunlight
breaking on the horizon
or a black cloud with a silver lining
head in hands, weeping into their palms
on the opposite end of a short tunnel
for a fraction of a second
and i was green with envy
over all of their emotion.
sick to my stomach of the apathetic
reluctancy to feel anything worthy of tears
if i could throw it all up,
and let it cover my skin
like a sick filled spit fountain
or acid rain
then at least i’d feel disgusted.

i camped out all night
just to catch sight
of your morning yawn
calling on the break of dawn
do not think i did not see
the moons reluctancy to leave
or the suns lustrous grin
at your appeased skin
if i asked your name
would you push me away
to be your friend, i aim
i will wait forever and a day
oh, please tell me your name
my thoughts exclaim

Sometimes,
Usually at the worst times,
It becomes painfully obvious,
How very different we are.

You're never going to love me
The way I love you.
And I'm never going to be the
Type of sane, the type of stable
That you want.

It isn't that we're not compatible.
It isn't that we don't love each other.

It is simply that
We are very, very different.

I realized this last night.

From our interactions.
From you barely showing affection.
Ftom you only kissing my lips five times since you got home.
From your reluctancy to provide me comfort.

From how the words "I love you" and "I need you" and "I want you around"
Kept getting caught in my throat
And instead came out
As mangled "I'm sorry"'s.

Because I am sorry.
I'm sorry I have loved you for so long.
I am sorry that I desire a love and affection from you
That it seems you cannot give.
That, at the very least, you cannot give to me.

I am sorry for trying to force my way through your walls.
I am sorry for trying to make you love me
The way I love you.
That was too much to ask.

I am sorry for relying on you.
I am sorry for trying to make you care for me
More than anyone really should.

I am sorry about all the problems I've given you.
All the pain I've caused.

I am sorry.

I can assure you, it will not happen again.

One thing I know you are not
Is hard to get lost in --
The vines of you stretch to engulf me

Tangled tightly in your hold
Nothing is left but for me to admire;
Give myself to you fully, willingly

Every ounce of you is a treasure
Beaming from the inside out
Or shining brightly on the surface

Even the parts of you I've not yet uncovered
Locked away in the box of your reluctancy
Could not dim how vividly you glow

And this is undeniable,
For you know you fill me with awe;wonder
Bewitching my being entirely

I long for all that is you;
[My heart grows tendrils that reach for her]

The atheist brother
Has a big mind
           for a teen
And his parents
Do they ever know what goes on up there?
Their thoughts are barred away from his
Metal bars created by their own
           Reluctancy
To understand, to comprehend, to attempt...
They want to keep with what they already know
And he
           tries to discover the unknown
With books,with people, with a globalized community
of those who want- who need to learn more

The atheist brother
Has a big mind
       for a human
Will we ever know what goes on up there?
       We could
             We should
Step out of these predetermined molds
of who
you were taught to be
Go out and want, and need to learn more

A heart can die infinitely
It is the slowest death I know
A reluctancy to accept
The cold blooded ending
That it is indeed alone
A heart will not go quietly
Never has and never will
It knows that somewhere
In the midst of forgery
Someone will hear it screaming
That another heart
With scars that reflect its own
Will lean in to whisper
Those vivifying words
I need you to go on

Be it discipline or desire but one’s determination can conquer any given goal with joyful jubilation, the hardihood of the human mind is unique in every way..willpower and moral fiber will triumph come what may

Self confidence is an accomplishment that alas is very rare, there are oh too many doubting Thomas’s in the crazy world out there.. if only one could believe in oneself then fullfilment would follow through for the victorious shelf..yet our mistrusts and misgivings are never that far away with a reluctancy of refusal to help us in dismay

Positivity with a zest and a zeal overthrows everything in the way one can feel..crushing negativity, those inner voices in our head.. and letting us look forward to a brighter future instead..only ourselves can achieve this mindset..to end one’s destiny without remorse or regret