Cheating can be pandemic
Heart’s afflicted and paralyzed
Mind rationalizes the malady
Sabotaging the ties of relationships
Pandemonium sweeps away all

I (x)
am (is) equivalent to
the negativity of becoming someone who is
neutral
when breaking down the exact same yet half
of being yourself, being yourself
taking afar For a common knowledge
that rationalizes you
To become of an existence.

I sit alone in this connected world,
separated from the selfishness I see spreading
amongst everyone around me
with everything to gain by filling their hands
before filling their hearts,
by silencing their inner voice
and shouting out loud.  

It must not be hard to live life in the singular,
letting words and sounds crash against guarded ears and eyes.  
The true trouble starts when a mind becomes a collective,
letting in every thought, every notion,
leaving judgment to fend for itself.  
It becomes harder to keep your identity in an overflowing sea of mediocrity
from not allowing any idea to rise above.  

How does one feel empathy when living life in the former,
cast away on an inner island?  
Is it a feigned truth to goad the soul
into cooperation with a strictly selfish mind?  
Is it the weight of expectation crowding out viewpoints and virtue?  
I can’t tell because for once in my life,
I stand staring at this alien concept
and see no wisp of familiarity floating in our shared air.  
So my lungs seize at this ether bereft of merit, and I collapse.  

Only to wake in a suspended reality,
one where the naïveté of my mind
rationalizes the incongruity of the external world
long enough for me to delve within.  
In these cloistered rooms of society,
I find sparks without kindling,
wasting away into ash,
I find whispers discarded from distracted diaphragms,
but most importantly, I find recognition,
recognition of this middle ground,
neither reached nor acknowledged by that strange outer land.  
It is in these discarded thoughts
stowed far beneath consciousness that I seek my own truth.

"strange"
                                                 is declared
                                                  of person
                                         who rationalizes
                                                that­ matter if
                                         non-human
                                         non-animal
                                         non-living
                                      merits recognition
                                      as being good
                                      on it's own

                                      but really      
                                         are we
                                         the ultimate stewards
                                               of absolute purpose?

                         what confirms                      our judgement

                                        in deeming what deserves
                                             to exist for it's own
                                             and what belongs
                                                 to our means
                                                           ­                 and ours alone?

                                      is it so fantastic
                                                  to suggest
                                      that by some means of
                                                           indefiniteness
                                                  ­of intangible
                                                                ­            comprehension
                                                all matter
                                       is fundamentally intertwined
                                               in the sense
                                            everything is stardust
                                             created by
                                                                ­   the universe's omnipotent hand?

                                      don't you
                                                 ever get the feeling
                                      inside of your conscious
                                                       ­           too?

                                      doesn't your awareness
                                               ever whisper
                                                   as a sentience
                                                you have an obligation
                                                from some unspoken contract
                                                    sign­ed before birth
                                                  to uphold the integrity
                                                  of everything
                                                  that­ inhabits this earth
                                                       whether or not
                                  it thinks in the way                                       you do?

                                      for what purpose
                                           we exist assembled into
                     abrupt                 profound               togetherness
                                      remains       ­      undecided

                                      earth's fabrications
                                                 will survive
                                               harmoniously
                                      but
                                will you
                 do the same?

"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"*

I consider myself a rational person
And as the label mentions
A rational person
Rationalizes.
I tend to get confused
The state of mind over matter
And question existence
And panic.
Thoughts invade
Conquer
And rule
My every member.
But within my panic
I stop
And pick up a book
And turn to
Proverbs
3:5
And like that
My mind rationalizes
Safeness
In my saviors arms.

For King and country; for glory; for God; for love; for land; for the right to live; for the right to live how we want
All of these, and more, are reasons to fight
It's easy to have a reason to fight
What about a reason to withhold your actions?
What reason does one use to say no to fighting?
It's easy to rationalize why we do acts of violence, but nobody rationalizes passivity
What about when we do something silly and pointless?
I do such things to make people smile
If I cannot make myself smile, why not do so for others?
Let people ridicule me all day, if I bring about at least one smile, then the day has not been wasted
Love is my reason
Love for all of mankind, even those whom would stand against me
Love is all the reason I need to forsake myself for others

I've been fairly great, comfortable. I've been thinking of this as just another day for weeks. But it's here. Being a alone is no fun. I went to my brothers. Lots of people there. Even had I known them, I'd still feel alone. I have this place in my mind that rationalizes the excuses I've heard and even given myself. Everyone is justified. The excuses, I had every reason; all others as equal. But it doesn't pour into the emptiness. It doesn't patch the holes; the gaps that keep everyone who has held our heart, now cold; a little glow hiding deep that we can't extinguish or lose ourselves, our sanity, our control if we ever took that one step that'd warm us enough to restart a fire that we know would burn our soul, not sure in which way. I'd die; I'd finally live. Idk. I've no idea. Can't truly give anything a chance, certainly not a second or more times. Not sure I mean someone, though Carly crosses my mind. But you, the better, and then the rest that poured a cup or two in this gallon hole. I miss you all. I miss you. I miss not fake smiling, inwardly fighting crying all the time. Which way care and love, dreaming of the same, we all ****** up.  *****, too much to know we have anything of value, narcissistic just the same. Negatives we'd love if we knew the why. There part of the very essence of, hidden, the very reason we love. Do they answer a question we have asked for years about who we are?  But the vision not clear enough; frustrations abound, expanding the expanse, "it's their fault, my fault, doesn't matter...loneliness just ******* sux."
I miss....
Not that it matters; just another day.
I'll be just fine tomorrow

I wish I had a way with words that spoke to people. I wish I could open my mouth and speak words of wisdom and clarity that didn’t come out like water and confusion. I wish I could feel without truly having to feel; to understand without ever having to experience. More than that I wish I could explain without feeling like I was giving excuses. I wish I could let myself breathe without feeling like I was giving myself a break.  It’s always to the next thing. I manage to procrastinate my time sure, but not without consistently feeling as if I should be doing something else. I wonder where that comes from. Which part of my brain rationalizes watching TV or surfing the internet. As if for more than a moment those things could be anything but counterproductive.  I wish I could understand my brain, but more than that I wish I could truly control it. Often times I feel as if it is just shooting ideas out of left field.  My brain is like a meteor shower, I’m always searching for a falling star, but in the end they’re all just falling rocks.

So the wolf that I feed is the wolf that then heeds me? Or does it "feed" me? Am I spoiling one greedy? Both wolves are inside me, how could I deny the darkness that sparks THIS? My wolf pups both need me. Darkness suppressed grows enraged and uncaring, and really how good is the other if it can't practice sharing? I want to be "good" but what motivates that desire? We're selfish by nature, it's survival, hardwired. Being "good" after all could still be subjective, jury's still out on inherent versus collective agreement, conventional reason, ****- what's the 'greater good' and from whose vantage point can you see it? Maybe being selfish isn't such a bad thing, if what I want is to love and the trust that it brings. Could it be that my wolves don't need to compete, that when there's no fear of famine there's always enough to eat? I know that Darkness explored widens the spectrum, learning not to fear yourself creates oasis in the bedlam. But one can get too comfortable within their indulgence, succumb to seduction of abundance and substance, lie to themselves about what their heart truly craves, pleasure's not evil, but distracting, it plays on denial, creates rigged to fail trials, enjoys shame and destruction trapped in a sure to fall spiral. The part of myself that doubts if I'm worthy, rationalizes pain and makes the road to joy blurry, tells me I deserve to take and take because I know I'm the ****, and then strangles me with disgust and says I'm really just a piece of it. So how do I know when what I want doesn't fit with my vision of health and my "forgive yourself" bit? When does being ******* myself become the problem and create ultimatums that mean certain death if gone back on? How do I understand moderation and hold space for human error, allow trust in exploration but not make choices in reaction to terror? Terror of failing as well as terror of success, but embracing imperfection is what gives my heart rest.

I loved you too seriously,
I was ultimately responsible for accepting thought for action.
This continuous wheel that constantly turns.
This longing that wants so desperately to see from your point of view,
Wanting you to see from mine.
This status quo of being calm, without the nervousness to overcome
the things we both face.
A vacation sought within both of our glares.
Escaping anything that becomes routine, this natural aroma given by the warmth of our hearts.
The true awakening of eyes. without warning.
Wanting to do without need. But generous in everything.
Seeking the spiritual rise of your soul entwined with mine, the spontaneous sun peeking through the clouds at any given time. With every touch, every moment of time that is given between us both.
This is the effect you have on me, this feeling that takes place naturally.
Actively seeking nirvana through the day to day conversations that happen at any given time.
The sort of happening that isn't planned. But is heaven truly this grand,
of all things precious, this actually happening to me.
The beating of your heart in mine. This attempt of living in the present as well as the future.
This is why I loved you too seriously.
Thinking only of the future, forgetting to step back and laugh at my self.
This immature frame of mind that instead embraces, takes for granted every other second is lost momentarily. 
Instead of touching on the laughter that comes deep within
Whether big or small. The meaning eluded with each look of your eye.
This translucent meeting that escapes into a place where nothing is forced.
Coming into an interpretation of total silence.
This chatter of hearts vibrating through a layer of skin.
It's hid carefully but at the same time seen through the slightest movement.
Needing to surrender to you, peeking through the clouds of reality.
Watching you day by day become the light of my life.
The ego appears, becoming a threat to things we know aren't true but at the same time is comprehended as something else entirely.
Attitudes and morals agree in difference. Firmly believing that one another is right, without comprise.
Being serious. Contemplating in the here after
after the moment has long passed. Wishing to place this rapture of different emotions under lock and key as love is prideful, absent minded, careful, thoughtful as well as selfish. Afraid too, as it can be seen as something different in each others eyes.
This sense of pride that hinders not just one point of view but spreads through out.
Becoming a fear that's never quite existed with such emphasis.
It's un-rational in a sense but conquers everything through conception.
This is what I mean by too serious.
Instead of light hearted laughter
It wasn't reassured, I expected you to automatically know that the universe was held tight in your hands. The thought of my world.
The focal point of eyes in deep need.
They reveal all that needs to be said.
An explosion that grows unstable, moments we've fallen in love with time after time.
This vibration that spreads into two beings.
The birth of separate thoughts that cling from one mind to the next.
Two separate people having the same thought at the same time.
This ideology which rationalizes each and every thought that I have of you.
At times I believe without a shadow of a doubt that you know.
But at times I'd like you to know
That it is reassured by the sound of my voice.
But is lost in the echo of your voice.
This vibration that longs to be close to you

You leave me high and dry

Render me motionless

A conflict between my two sides

The pragmatic one and the whimsical one

The one who rationalizes

And the one who lives outside my body

The one who kills the slightest sense of emotion

The one who wants to break free

from all this analysis paralysis

A tug of war

between love and logic

Between fantasy and reality

But the battle was already lost

The casualty lies bleeding and helpless

I've bled till there is nothing left

Hope succumbed to the truth

What would you have chosen?

Do not expect the morons
to see the obvious, its not in their nature
low voltage minds neither reasons nor rationalizes
not a processor, it merely ignites and carry wattage
thus, merely a repetitive uno-conductor, electrical parrot
a switch, basic and simple , on off, on off in circuit frame
overloading an advanced mind, I think not from a mere tool
a cannon fodder task for cannon fodders ain't worth the time
triggers obsolete, hinges and anchors only applies to simpletons


A sane realist knows a positive union is two ways
the onus is not just from one side if it were real and sincere
they cannot see that's where their drama leaks like a torn sieve
in their world a one sided currency note is genuine and real kosher
and they would keep it to buy their mothers a pink scarf and roses
or perhaps save it to attend the puppet show for the blind and dumb
or buy that bestseller, ' How to win Enemies and influence Nothing'
Ah, the snowflakes and snow-minds and snow bodies all frozen cold
life on the piste, ******* with their **** heads all amiss in tizzies

Hahaha.....hahaha......hahaha.....hahaha