Accepting my generation is kind of hard, everyday mental capacities are sabotaged, take a glance at my peers & everybody's identity is camouflaged
It's an age where there's a long line of scars, their inner image is cut down reduced like wood to a cabin lodge, & they don't realize one day they'll have to pay for pretending, identity theft is a major kind of fraud.
No mind desires to think for itself, they wait on the next topic like a lecture class, only to not develop their own opinion on a topic already selected for them, it's like a professor giving a quiz with the answers listed.
Love is ridiculed & you're chastised if it's felt, my brothers and sisters are clearly broken, a generation of fractured glass, & my soul aches as I observe minds that were predestined for uniqueness be restricted and uniformed to one day wake looking for their life realizing they've missed it.
The other day I found myself on the Twitter page of a boy who has counterfeited my essence & over written the gift God gave him that is his own style, his own thoughts, his one fights.
I felt no anger rather sympathy, the avidity to help, to show and tell him that no flesh is of greater value than another, that his mind is as onliest as my own, & rather than borrow my charisma he should seek his own until a fit feels right.
Everyone witnesses this tragedy but so many are blind to it. Social media sets the standard of what you guys feel, accept, avoid and address & those actions are the root of what will define you & should originate from your own spirit and core.
Believe it or not the opinion of the public you're not assigned to it, Don't let opinions lead you astray from the real, to neglect, and compress those remaining fractions of who you really are screaming out to be heard and glorified more.
Consider we live in a generation where guys will crave for women who are generous with their bodies & then give advice for another man to steer clear of a woman who has shared the very thing they search for & chastise that guy if he shows any emotion toward her.
Comprehend I observe girls complaining about immature men & being blistered by bad intentions but have the audacity to turn down a genuine and God abiding man down simply because he isn't a quarterback or a power forward.
We lack identity. So often we say our parents just don't understand but how could they? We glorify pain and lend scars, social media has made everyone feel as if they're famous, pretend stars, personalities blending together like a *** of gumbo, inseparable, undeniably the same and we wonder why we can't tell who our friends are?
Narcotics are consumed by the plenty, minds are poisoned with false values we've enveloped ourselves in, no one longer values a good person but rather what that person has that is valuable & they say we're the future? If you ask me, we are where the end starts.

Absent Identity -Dash Pinder

Listen to the stories

men tell of last year

that sound of other places

though they happened here
Listen to a name

so private it can burn

hear it said aloud

and learn and learn
History is a needle

for putting men asleep

anointed with the poison

of all they want to keep
Now a name that saved you

has a foreign taste

claims a foreign body

froze in last year’s waste
And what is living lingers

while monuments are built

then yields its final whisper

to letters raised in gilt
But cries of stifled ripeness

whip me to my knees

I am with the falling snow

falling in the seas
I am with the hunters

hungry and shrewd

and I am with the hunted

quick and soft and ****
I am with the houses

that wash away in rain

and leave no teeth of pillars

to rake them up again
Let men numb names

scratch winds that blow

listen to the stories

but what you know you know
And knowing is enough

for mountains such as these

where nothing long remains

houses walls or trees

<~>
“I would recommend On Hearing a Name Long Unspoken. This poem is from Cohen’s 1964 collection, Flowers for ******, which deals with the trauma of the Holocaust and its legacy in 1960s Canada. In this book Cohen describes himself as a ‘front-line writer’ trying to understand totalitarianism, and the poems aim to critique his readers’ complacency in the violence of the world wars, anti-Semitism and colonialism. In On Hearing a Name Long Unspoken, Cohen asks his readers to consider how atrocities ‘that sound of other places’ also ‘happened here.’ He wants us to remember the lives of real people, to remember where people have found solidarity and protection, as well as how they have been oppressed because he is concerned that the stories that are told about the past will make it feel distant and unreal.”

KAIT PINDER, assistant professor of English at Acadia University

People often make the mistake of interpreting depression as just a sadness but in reality it's much deeper, much more exhausting, it's like through a black hole watching yourself dying.
You want to help, you want to save yourself, but there's no energy to lend rescue. I seemingly became an evil fiend, latching on to my own soul & depleting the faith, soon tears would rush to my chest & day through night I laid in my room a demon crying.
Depression is a soundless burglar, you don't ever hear him breaking in. Strangely enough once he's in, you won't care if he stays, you won't ever ask him to vacate. You'll decorate the guest room with your own pain, seas of your own tears, monuments of your own fears and play a great host.
With every new sun, I felt less alive. Every breathe felt like a burden and every chance of danger was something i welcomed. He made me ungrateful for life, I felt like I was drowning but didn't care much to make it back to the coast.
To be depressed is to be in a track meet i always dreamed of running in & feel no joy, zero excitement, all the athletes are full of adrenaline & i'm filled with a yearning for isolation, an addiction to darkness & loud silence, in that crowd I felt alone.
To be depressed is to lay with women as beautiful as Acoma Iris blossoming in the spring. Women I used to dream of as I was ridiculed, chastised & told I wasn't attractive enough & feel not a single emotion! No pleasure nor excitement & these are Goddesses I would usually write poetry about, soon I feared my soul was gone.
To make matters worse people would seek conflict with me because of my appearance, because I appeared attractive or strong? I don't know but, my silence came off as arrogance when it was really my cry for assistance, for somebody to pull me out of the shadows & I could return to trying to inspire the youth.
As I disintegrated in Fires colder than my lifeless heart, I would reflect on how the Lord called home my Father, my cousin, and now my uncle, now my pastor & every night in my prayers for help I would ask "Lord can I just come sit next to you?"
Percocet meals had the only nutrition that gave me the strength to get through my days. If tested by the NCAA that's my scholarship gone, some would say my future, so comprehend I had gotten so low I just desired to endure the present, me having a future seemed so far fetched.
Depression shuts you down & it was terrorizing being a depressed athlete, not a regular student I couldn't just shut down. I had practices, meetings, lifting I couldn't afford to miss & so Alarms were set an hour ahead because it took me that long to gather the strength needed to get out of bed.
Zoloft, Prozac, Oleptro, anti-depressants unworthy to survive the battles in my soul, for an antidepressant to help me they would need the strength of Christ. Soon I stopped looking for hope, satisfied by the comfort of Percocet I search no more & suddenly she was there.
I really don't know how it came to play or why it happened, they say when you stop looking what you were looking for appears. I had so much to say & she would lend me her ears talk to me at night & help me forget my fears. A light in the darkness, I seen a spark, a glimpse of emotion, something I had not felt it what seemed like years.
Clueless, I would soon come to witness she was an angel sent by Lucifer, the last amount of anguish needed fracture my soul, the straw that broke the camels back, the last kick to my will. She was my payback for the deceptive things I hadn't done in so long.
Imagine being incapable of emotion in the midst of events and scenery that produce celestial emotion in others. Imagine being so lifeless & Siberian you couldn't feel your own sadness & then after an eternity of torment you finally feel it all & that person tells you the fact that you're feeling is what is wrong.
I used to think Karma was a myth set out by adults to make me tread my actions carefully. But now I realize karma is as real nematophagous fungi, an ambush predator waiting with flawless timing, waiting to tear you apart, to bring you down.
At war with Karma & Depression I no longer could fight these battles alone & I turned to the father, to my Lord and savior, to the only man worthy to wear a crown.
It took many times hearing the Lord speak through a mortal vessel to pull me out of a humid darkness I could not step out of alone. & to anyone who might be secluded in shadows, turn to the lord, & I promise rescue and aid he will send.
Do not be as foolish as me, do not run into battle unarmed requesting your own demise. Explain your silence if you can, and don't shelter yourself from the ones that care. Don't fake smiles until you're back to a dark room filled with pain that shouldn't comfort you, don't end up experiencing bleakness during once in a lifetime moments & realize you're standing in front of cameras a depressed All-American.

"All-Depression" - Dash Pinder

Have you ever seen a plate so empty it was full? Full of disappointment, full or worry, despair & seemingly adding to your tormenting hunger.
As I stare at a full plate of food, the first Sunday dinner since I've gotten home from Bama I think, I reflect, and I wonder.
I wonder how we arrived here, or rather why because I know what had to happen and what has taken place for my family to receive.
I continue to think & eat and before my stomach can even reach its satisfaction I leave the table to write, to let you guys know to be discreet of a soul with a full plate who has never had to bleed.
J.Cole said "there's beauty in the struggle" and if you didn't dissect that on your own the beauty he speaks of is the instruction of values.
There are some things words simply can not show, there are joys & pains script can not display; struggle, disparity, and crucible are the only entities that can instill this consciousness inside you.
You can not truly appreciate crossing the finish line in front of the entire field until you have felt the embarrassment, the scathing burn of watching your competitors flock away from you like Geese in October
If you have never drove a 94' Honda Accord with "out of order" AC & lack of audio then the Luxury vehicle that is so greatly cherished seises to be luxury, it's just a car, you don't even see it as a Range Rover.
I even noticed in myself that I had become immune to the beauty and purity of my past lovers. I began to forget how blessed I was to have the present because the past was equally as elegant.
If you give the people a great commander in chief & then a second, and then a third, a fourth, a fifth, a sixth, by the seventh time around they won't appreciate a good president.
Beware the soul that has a a full plate that never had to bleed because they do not value anyone else's plate. A rich man born rich does not value having a spare fish for the hands of the poor.
Truly how could they? They don't know that excruciating hunger, they've never felt agonizing winters sharp as forest mulch splinters, poverty so bad you feel worthless like unbearable guilt dancing in your core.
If you've used an elevator your entire existence how could you relate to the fatigue I feel from taking the steps. Taking the necessary steps to hunt, clean, and prepare the same meal that was simply delivered to you.
If you were blessed to be born into a stocked kitchen you're not to blame & I have no quarrel with your life. Just understand there are struggles you will never entirely comprehend & I just ask that you never pretend to understand what the people clawing at the bottom have to go through.

"Full stomach || Empty Heart" -Dash Pinder

Slow down & Go. Caution & proceed. Yellow & Green. My spirit overwhelmed during a journey to a land secreted by amber & emerald, yet all I can remember of my experience is a soul searching blue.
For a night I gazed into eyes as sapphire as the deepest parts of the Aegean Sea, Eyes that dried tears i had not yet cried & put untested trust within me, a stare so true.
I stood next to her looking at a land i hadn't seen before, looking over its entirety from the top of a cliff I couldn't help but notice this artistic nature was no equal to the smile gleaming beside me.
I had run probably the most exciting race of my existence that day yet my heart had never paced faster. My palms dripped, my stomach spinning more than a laundromat, what's going on inside me?
Seems I've been waiting my whole life to meet a stranger, a stranger that felt so familiar, a touch that had the comfort of my childhood home, I latched on to a mysterious hand, a hand never held & soon the bizarre magic had begun.
When faced with things that are seemingly to good to be true wonder and curiosity can dissipate the mind. You're faced with a yellow light. I knew it to be impossible yet the moment stared me in the eyes, twas like looking at a full moon next to the noon sun.
I found myself Lost in eyes so bewitching I felt unworthy to stare into them. My mind was absent, my body was absent. All of me that is left is my heart & my lips; my heart dashing as I was gifted with a savory kiss.
I can still feel that breathe gliding across my skin sending chills to my core. With every touch I could feel my heart speed up, with every exhale she seemingly gave me my next inhale, gave me life, gave me breathe, kisses of Primatene mist.
My soul was dominated by a type of cancer, a chivalrous cancer, killing the emotionless existence of me & soon she claimed something I didn't even know I was offering.
My heart became her trophy as I slept a sleep as peaceful as an empty beach, a sleep periodically interrupted by passionate *** that sent me deeper into slumber & I knew the minute I left this land I would begin suffering.
I know now time is not a prerequisite of passion. Passion is not about how long the fire has been burning but rather how intense and consuming the flame is. In 10 hours an eternity flashed before my eyes, & I saw a person filled with emotion I've tried so hard to summon for my past.
Slow down & Go. Caution & Proceed. Yellow & Green. I entered this land yellow, & by the time I left I was fully green, as green as the dollar in my pocket, the salads she ate, and the gorgeous Nature surrounding this unfamiliar land. Sometimes you have to ignore the slow down signal & drive through the light full blast.

"Yellow & Green" -Dash Pinder

When you have an infinite pool of memories some may not be as clear as others but my first sight of her is as clear as aquarium windows
She had eyes that shined like a varsity star on JV, a smile that made me feel innocent, a laugh that sang to the inner child I hid from my coworkers and skin that i somehow just knew was as soft as Jehovah's pillows.
High School was my empire, my company, I was the head of the board, the CEO & looking at her made me weak, extremely weak, as if I was a college grad in my first interview, a warm gummy worm under a steak knife.
A villainous & crooked CEO I offered false dreams, led interns to believe they could earn a permanent position at my side, with really no true intention to keep them around past a short term, ironically one intern would change my life.
Although this is probably known, I have never spoken it out loud. My intentions were utterly negative, to lust and vacate, ignore her grief, & later ask for her friendship as if I had forgotten my deceptive ways.
Upon her accepting the pain I offered disguised as a fairytale romance hidden behind a friendly smile and a fleecy touch I couldn't help but think "I win again" unknowingly welcoming with open arms a loss I would feel for the rest of my days.
The losses that are complete losses are not the ones to fear. Beware the losses that taught you something, the losses that made you better, the losses that are treasures for the next person to cherish.
Can I even consider it a loss lord? Is to lose a blessing a loss or is to have had the blessing even with having to part ways with it a victory in itself? It's this question, this thought that would lead my peace, my morals, my sanity to perish.
A young girl came into my bureau & completely shook the foundation, transformed my rules and morals, flooded a chilled and dreary workplace with unquestionable love, kindness, and innocence.
The most beautiful things in life can't be bothered without retaliation, **** the most gorgeous tree and Mother Nature will scorn you, corrupt a lionizing sky with dark clouds and there's no way to escape the consequence.
Make no mistake she was & still is to this stay one of earths greatest sights, An antibiotic to infected eyes, fruit for the soul, and a nutrient i would inquest and crave for everyday.
Never had I met an intern so full of life, i set out a task she would achieve, achieve, achieve. My effort she matched, my spirit and Enthusiasm she surpassed, anything i put forward she quickly matched like a celestial 401k.
It's not everyday the Boss learns from the intern & the experience was nothing short of an epiphany. Her paralyzing deep chestnut graze taught me to look deeper than just what the eyes revealed.
Her heart was as pure as ****** from the furthest regions of East Asian jungles, a heart so pure it purified and cleansed the heinous of mines, an affection so real.
The most alarming motivators in life are Love & Pain. We are willing to Die for what we Love & circumvent the pains we fear at all cost, until what you love is the source of the pain & we end up so confused by excruciating emotion we are willing to die for pain and avoid the love.
In her absence that's precisely what I did. I played hide & seek with the idea of Love & searched for pain, My soul would seek cuts, my heart craved anguish, anything that periodically felt worse than the regret of that game winning catch I let slip out of my glove.
Needless to say she taught me to appreciate everyone in this Company I called My life, that an intern can impact your empire just as much as a chief financial officer, just as much as your successor that is your pride and joy, your only kid.
We wish to believe we are in control of our lives but are we really? Are you in control if one mortal being can change the direction entirely? All that is certain is that we should love and appreciate however we can. Open your arms, open your heart, and most importantly open your eyes, put a microscope on your life, it's usually the things we subconsciously write off as minor and small that turn out to be so big.

"Imani's Internship" -Dash Pinder

People always say "Remember when we were kids..." And that's when I always space out, turn my attention to something else & avoid those memories.
Every time I look back to my childhood & my younger days ,I see some child that made my life worse than theirs, made my cuts deeper & now they're an adult trying to befriend me.
My Parents worked hard to put nutrients in my flesh, faith in my soul, & hope in my spirit rather than material on my skin.
Due to my absence of expensive earthly things they were brainwashed to cherish they treated me as if I had different feelings, different joys, different emotions within.
I remember I would hate being early to school because that was free time for privileged kids, free time for them to talk about my free things. My hand me downs and cheap garments from the flee store.
I'm a God loving Christian, and I don't look down on anyone I just think it's ironic how I turned out to be more.
Or is it ironic at all, I think not, karma is God's general and what you put out is what you will receive in the world.
You put out pain you get pain, spread Love and you get love, if you pass on a Cinnabon you can be sure as hell one day at your door there it is, back in full circle, a cinnamon Swirl.
So today as i look back on those kids that put a microscope on my un-athletic abilities, worn down clothing, and lack of attractiveness, I wish them well & greet them with smiles.
They've grown up to be with other kids that saw only the cover of someone and not the person, they've started families with two parents who don't understand the true value of a spirit & I just pray that characteristic isn't passed on to that beautiful child.

"Grateful Pain" -Dash Pinder

I could no longer persuade myself to endure the pain.
I would drive a knife through my soul until it pierced the coldest edges of my heart so it would never beat again.
In my mind laid inestimable secrets, knowledge that bled from my romantic wounds & It would be selfish to carry this jewel with me to the journey above.
Previously abandoned by the soul I should be with, I felt my essence had been stolen, & as I laid on arctic rose peddles dying I now knew the answer to her repetitive question, "What is Love?"
Love is a gamble, a casino incased by a plethora of overwhelming emotions in which bets are not negotiable, you have to be all in.
You either win treasures you've only witnessed in fantasies or lose all that is you & fall into the darkest corners of your most horrendous nightmares & watch your spirit deplete from within.
Love is going to a restaurant & saying you're not hungry because you only have enough money for her to get every thing she wants to eat.
It's gazing upon God's greatest gift to me, drowning in those chestnut eyes, & to be hungry no more because the sight of her bliss is a taste that indescribably sweet.
Love is sitting and watching Pretty Little Liars when the second round of the NBA playoffs is on with the largest of attitudes & her happiness overwrites your own distaste.
It's not caring who's around, staring into her eyes like seeing my first car for the first time & never wanting to look away, to feel no shame to express my affection and gratitude for her in any place.
Love is a change of currency in which forgiveness becomes more valuable than pride, & sometimes even forgiveness isn't enough to cover the debt. Love truly is a gamble that can leave your pockets, soul, and amorous heart sore.
The absence of love can lead you to desire an absence from life, with knife in hand & tears of aura descending from my eyes I drive the blade through my aching heart & Strange, it hurts no more.

Love is.. -Dash Pinder

It heavily burdens my heart when I see people neglect and disrespect their parents.
Do you know the pain you'd feel if you were forced to live without them? No? Let me share it.
In a hospital that feels more Siberian than the rest, you feel your chest flood with boiling fluid & it feels like the entire world is sitting on your shoulders.
A pain you are coerced to endure, at the time of introduction the idea of it eventually passing seems impossible & you begin to wish your life was over.
That's pain because I'm absolutely petrified of death, I have panic attacks of my eyes closing never to gaze at daylight another day.
At this moment all fear vacates your core because you realize there is no greater threat in this realm greater than losing a parent this way.
Parent, Parent, I stress parent because this is someone that didn't just conceive you but raised you, structured your essence and identity with love poured into hard labor.
So when you're yelling at your mom for some foolish petty thing, earthly things in life that don't even matter, imagine staring at her with pain thriving in her soul and knowing there's not a thing you can do to save her.
Imagine having siblings, Seven older than you, all criminals and the worse of badly influenced adolescences. Imagine them all dropping out, nobody older than you graduates high school.
Imagine looking up to this at the age 13 & 14 selling drugs, carrying pistols and walking over people, inviting violence because to you this is what the ones you looked up to made seem cool.
Imagine how disappointed a God fearing father is of his sons, that they aren't off to colleges to glorify his name & bring joy and pride to his heart.
& imagine all of your siblings on the streets poor or in the confinements of jail, and you yourself gang affiliated when it's time for his soul to part.
Imagine staring into their eyes and regretting every argument, every disrespectful phrase, & you would give all these things up you thought you wanted just for them to have one more day.
Imagine your savior, your angel laying decaying and they feel no pain toward their own existence but the only thing that troubles them is will their babies be okay?
Imagine God stepping into your life, placing you in a better environment, purifying your heart, you become kind, loving, respectful, intelligent, everything your dad dreamed of, you bust your *** to be it.
Imagine being the first of his kids to graduate, imagine signing a division 1 scholarship, imagine being the first in the family ever to go to college & becoming an
All-American and your biggest supporter, biggest fan, the person that gave you the life you live isn't even there to ******* see it!
If all this isn't enough pain for you to realize how much you should cherish your parents, how you should appreciate any day spent with them over some meaningless party, how disrespect should never be catapulted in their direction, & how if it is you should immediately apologize.
You'll soon wake up and look at life different & cherish every single person you care about, cause on top of the pain you're experiencing at the loss of a parent, your pain will be oh so amplified when you have to hold the other parent for months and years whipping tears from their eyes.

"Losing a Parent" -Dash Pinder

As usual I awake, open my phone & observe a virtual world full of my peers Opinions.
But the things I'm seeing & hearing today, this time I can't sit back and listen.
When someone points out your negative habits, you rebel, utter "this is my life" & that's it. Nobody ever budges.
Same Love becomes legalized, & you're offended? People who feel so alone, now have some light shed into a tunnel of hiding and depression & I see a shortage on law degrees but an abundance of judges.
I've watched my generation, friends I've had from childhood drown and disintegrate in sin you guys praise, Hallucinogens, violence, theft, disrespect, *** antecedent to matrimony, all these things you same judges promote.
Now today, people with blunts in their grips, blood on their hands, with children despite lack of marriage, but more importantly people we allow to live their lives and be happy want to condemn others for being happy makes me sick, puts a disgusting blockade in my throat.
Gay love is love too & they deserve the same smiles you have. A gay woman once tutored me to pass a much needed course, a gay guy one returned my wallet when I thought I was surely going to hurt for weeks, I have so many stories.
God is the ultimate judge & we will all be judged for our sins. I just feel like there's so many things wrong with this world today, two people being happy should be the least of our worries.

Love Wins -Dash Pinder

I use to ponder why so much pain for me Lord?
Now, today, I think I finally comprehend.
My band aids are symbols of survival.
My pain silences cries of Death & plays a cheerful symphony with the essence of revival.
Look in my soul and see my pain.
See my retries & see my faith. Find the sunshine In my rains.
You can either use your distress, or waste it.

Recycled tears -Dash Pinder

I wonder is thinking about my past obsession my new obsession.
Have you ever wanted to eternally hold someone down, hold them down, stay down, like some type of romantic oppression.
My expressions, she Questions, Lectures me about moving faster than the class, seems loving someone too soon is today's lesson.
See I was just trying to appreciate a blessing, Appreciated it so heavily in fact, i began stressing.
Have you ever gotten something so good, the day it arrived you had already began dreading the day it would leave?
It's like getting the throne and not appreciating the throne, just resenting the fact one day there has to be another Queen.
You can treat good things to well when you're used to washing in pain, shampooing in secrets, and using tears as a rinse.
I think this is the reason why in my Heart she had the throne, she was my Queen before I was even her prince.
Lose your Queen and you're just a Jack, with no way to become a King, no way to ascend, no way to bridge that gap.
So I try fill the space with Jokers, 9s, and 10s even but beauty doesn't Equate strength, & every time I walk a bridge composed of attraction and pleasure my path is sure to collapse.
I'm on a Plane to Oregon & as I wait I realized I was becoming anxious, I'm headed toward a dream, and I'm impatient, rushing the moment rather than taking it all in.
This is when it finally dawned on me that no matter how big a lead i have, I will always have to wait until the fourth quarter to see who truly wins.
Sometimes when you're blessed with someone you have to be patient enough to let the buzzer sound, for your blessing to realize that you yourself are a blessing too.
The most Amazing and beautiful things in life are so fragile because they are life themselves, Admire but don't obsess, touch but don't capture, stand close but not too close, even a fish needs breathing room.

"Premises of a Loss" -Tadashi Pinder