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monetize and institutionalize
is the way to gain the modern prize

marriage isn't affirmation of love
it's a 10-grand headache
as the IRS sits above

funerals aren't celebrations of one's life
they're ways for the fat cats
to profit off your strife

churches aren't for learning about god
some pastors make six figures
now isn't that odd?

you wonder why you're in so much pain
grasping at straws attempting to stay sane

unclench your palms from those useless umbrellas
go outside, and dance in the rain

A call to action is not action
Other things that are not action include:
Expostulation rhetoric poetry
Fulmination logic contumely
Proposition dialectic philosophy
Tergiversation polemic and ideology

Actual action, he expostulated, is behavior -
Behavior that acts, he fulminated,
Actually impels or constrains the acts
Of other behavers
This is only done, he propounded,
By applying pressure to weak points
In these others’ safety or security
But acts of violence, he tergiversated,
Only spread or institutionalize violence.

Apart from physical violence, he droned on,
All people have two things they can use
To act with –
Time, and Money.
What you can do with time is specific
To your skills and situation
But what you can do with money
Has exactly two categories:
You can give it,
Or you can withhold it.

You may think withholding is automatic,
And it is, it is; but you are not the one doing it,
It is being withheld from you, in every pay period.
By far your largest charitable contribution
Is to institutionalized violence.
To attempt to withhold your money from these withholdings
Would be enormously risky, painful and destabilizing
In ways that calls to action and other forms of talk never are.
But for one body to impart momentum to another body,
It has to transfer energy, i.e. there must be a cost.

* * * * * * *

On the other hand:
It is currently fashionable to say
That we are not the same person over time
Everything is replaced every few years, personality is a myth
And according to the most advanced thinking
Consciousness is an accident that affects nothing.

In the real world, of course,
I’m the same person I was at age seven
When I first thought of myself as a person;
This knowledge is immediate and irrefutable.
We aren’t the sum total of replaceable parts,
And consciousness for most people is a long-lived thing
Not the space between tick-tocks of a metronome.

This conscious thing concerns itself almost entirely
With exteriors, which are almost the only thing to
Latch onto. But the ultimate **-hum of the exteriors
Compared to the permanent (mortal) consciousness,
Which has no good bad up down or plus-minus incentives
Gets so obvious as to become ridiculous. This is Anti-Action.
Other terms include depression, cynicism, selfishness,
Detachment, solipsism, reality.

But you must care about the others,
Or you are contemptible. Even the Buddha
Said this…right? (It was a long time ago
And there may have been many edits.)
The real and only basis for action is Love,
That is to say you must care about the exteriors
Which is to say the undeniable mechanics of the world
And what happens to those who are acted upon. You Must.

Is this knowledge immediate and irrefutable?

I write and I write
Everything that I write.
I want to share with the world
But The words written within the walls of this little app are reason to be concerned for my mental state
Reason to put me under a psychiatric hold
Institutionalize me
Medicate me
Sedate me
Tie me to a hospital bed with handcuffs as the voices that linger in my mind consume my every thought
Hold me in a padded room
Hold me in a straight jacket
Hold me
Just hold me till my tears run dry
I write and I write, but never will these words be safe enough to share with the ones that I love so much.

Movie Script

IMPORTANT LOREEE
dad became an alcoholic because they found about their sons illness. Eventually died by drunk driving. He possibly wasn't the only fatality.

Characters:

Time frame: 2000-2016
Weather: Always cloudy and grey, slightly cold, perhaps Jan-Feb

Rough Idea

Protagonist wakes up in their slightly poor and very messy apartment. Shows a hallway lined with picture frames. Protagonist walks through the hallway several times, getting ready for work. Drives car through traffic, clocks into the office building, and sits down at the desk. Old school computer for the aesthetic. Clock is ticking very loud for suspense or something.

Break the tension with a coffee cup being spilled, cut off all other sounds. Cuts to them cleaning it up. Coworker points out how slow they have been at work, and that some sort of deadlines are soon, with a possible light joke. After the protagonist responds, not paying much attention, the coworker invites him to a game (football) that night. The protagonists denies, claiming that they have plans for later.

Cuts back to them in their bed at the same time he said he had plans and the game, switching between another super loud clock and them laying in bed. Rolls over and goes to sleep. Repeat what happened at the start of the last day with getting ready for work and stuff. Interrupts and stops music with the coworkers appearance at the protagonists desk. Coworker then tells them about how much they missed out on the game. Protagonist makes up a story about how much fun they had at whatever plans they had with a fake (realistic sounding) laugh. Shows the clock ticking loudly again and they leave. Shorter clips of each part of the routine, including them just staring at their computer screen not working. Basically jump-scare from the random noise of tension, as the protagonist gets called away to their boss, who tells them they are fired in a nice way, but the protagonist can see through that lie. Switches to the protagonist sitting at a small round table in front of a window in their apartment with their hands on their forehead, looking down at the table, tapping their foot rapidly.

Next day starts, routine repeats. When in the car they take a moment before driving, sighing. Drives to several different locations to try and get a job. It shows them saying that they can't hire him in a scene that flashes through each one of the faces saying they cant hire him. He is running out of funds to pay for the apartment and starts packing up to move back to his parent's, his mom and stepdad's, home in the city. Upon arrival they hug but the protagonist feels distant despite the fact how welcoming his parents are. Unloads his few possessions into his old room, that contains several hard to detect hints to the main plotline.

Silent scene where he is laying on his bed, exhausted, around night, and camera zooms in and suddenly shows the alarm clock the next morning. Instead of showing the routine, it just shows him slowly walking to the bathroom and looking at himself in the mirror, looking kind of depressed. Short clip of them brushing their teeth and that stuff but it cuts around each time, while standing in the same place. Runs hand along the wall covered in different picture frames than his apartment, though maybe some are the same, no or light music to convey the melancholy vibe.

Pours a bowl of cereal. Mom walks around the corner and talks to them about losing their job and about getting a new job. At one point the protagonist snaps a bit and gets upset and walks out of the house. He walks over to a coffee shop on the corner and orders a cup. Small scene of them waiting a bit impatiently. Cuts to the protagonist sitting on the steps outside of the home with their coffee, tapping their leg again.

Flashback moments to when they were a kid. Shows younger version of themself peeking around the corner of a different house. Both original parents are fighting about  what seems like the dad's alcoholism, but is actually about the mc illness. Perhaps the dad slaps the mom in the face, since they actually are an alcoholic and stuff. Maybe a divorce mentioned idk. The dad isn't really that good of a person and the mom is good but doesn't know how to help and does it in the wrong way. The dad catches him listening in on the private convo, and stars walking towards him menacingly.

Gasps and wipes their face, even though there isn't any coffee on it or anything, and stands back up. Breathing is a bit shaky. He forgot to take the coffee cup when he leaves. The wind is mild, but nothing that could truly catch the eye of a viewer, just for ambience i guess. Starts walking down the street as happy couples and others are laughing at their own stuff, just a "I'm having fun" laugh. This gets warped to make him believe everyone is laughing at them. It flashes between the laughing people and previous scenes, just a little split second, just long enough to see what image it is and then goes to the next. Speeds up a bit before it gets broken by them laying back in their bed with the alarm clock blaring.

Restarts the whole morning routine as it is a big part of the plot, however there are more signs of "wear and tear". Gets breakfast with a seemingly forced small talk with his mom, who does seem slightly concerned about him. He tells her he's doing well with the job offers, despite this being a lie. She leaves and he checks his email. Declined job offers via email this time.

He finally gets another job interview and everything is going really well actually, however someone at the end says something that causes him to snap. However when this happens it is made clear that this is a trigger and not them just getting mad because of anger issues and stuff. There are short in-between scenes that reflect back on that mundane and honestly kind of draining life so it doesn't jump around.

Slow scene that's them sprawled out on the bed exhausted. Shows the clock a
bunch. Mind is racing too fast where it shows some of the previous bad scenes that turns into the general overthinking where a lot of bad things get said, so he goes downstairs to where his mother confronts him, but he thinks she hates him, and there's some yelling where she is confused.

He sees his mother get shot to where it seems like the stepfather, however it never actually shows him holding the gun, and then keeps telling him that it's okay, calm down. He runs to safety in another room and fumbles for the place he knows the firearm is hidden. He shoots several times at the stepdad till they fall.
Explanation: This is how the memories got warped, its better to make this the first thing seen, the evidence has to all be from the protagonists side, as with the agnosia, it CANNOT be obvious in any sort of way that he is ill.

The police finally arrive at the house after a neighbor reported the sound of gunshots. He is in the corner shaking trying to comprehend everything and scared. The gun is no longer with him, so this doesn't cause any issues with the police right away. They don't know about his mental state so they take him to the police station and question him where he recounts his memories. So far it seems like a self defense case.

He was unable to return to the house for a few days as the investigation was still happening and such. The investigation uncovers more evidence that shows it might have been the protagonist, not definite but possible, that killed his mother. He is confused by this and pleads his innocence. His aunt on the mothers side knows about his mental condition and presents that information to the police. He was not informed of this. Take into consideration that this is purely from the protagonists prospective.

His Aunt gets him a lawyer, and their strategy is clear. Since he was ill, things were different from reality and he had no intention of killing her. While this could keep him out of jail, this could institutionalize him, however the aunt, and frankly the lawyer too, think that might be for the best.

The court case was coming soon, in the meantime he is staying at his aunt's, though she is very cautious, but for a good reason. The aunt doesn't quite hate him, but doesn't trust him either. Any potentially dangerous objects are locked away. In a conversation with her and the lawyer, they tell him their plan, but he insists he isn't sick. So instead, knowing they can't convince him before the trail, they tell him not to object so that he wouldn't go to jail.

The court case follows as any case would, and the lawyer and aunt convince the judge that he is sick, he agrees, even though he feels as if he is lying. He is not sentenced to jail but instead as predicted before he is sentenced to go to an mental institution.

The aunt tells him to just comply with whatever is asked, and during the time there, he does. He is a little upset about having to take medicine that he feels he doesn't need, but takes it anyways. He doesn't believe there are any differences, but it is slightly noticeable to the viewers. He still doesn't believe he is sick and brings it up several times, just to hear that he is wrong.

Eventually when he gets released, he tries to regain a normal life, he is still convinced, he knows he isn't sick, that they got something wrong. He finally gets accepted to work a fast food restaurant, and manages to sell the old house and rent out an apartment.

He becomes friends with another guy at the restaurant, and is invited to hang over at his place. They watch a movie with sodas and stuff, and the friend goes out to go buy something from the gas station down the street. He gets a little bored and begins to look around, finding a gun of a similar type as before in the apartment. He tentatively picks it up, inspecting it a little. He holds it in the position to shoot, not that he was going to or anything like that, but it does a flashback of what actually happened.

He remembers shooting both of them while they tried to get him to calm down. He starts shaking a bit before looking at the barrel of the gun. It's clear all he was doing was looking at it while some of the audio plays from the memory. Then he proceeds to stick the gun in his mouth and shoot himself, with distorted audio as he falls to the floor.


Soon after the friend came back and called the police immediately, where it cuts through a few scenes of the lights, the officers, and finally the body being carried away and being covered by a sheet.


The End