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Pearl smoke Sep 2014
iWanna Run Away
For Bad.
iM Sad And iFeel Hopeless
The Only Thing That iFeel iCan Truly Feel Worth iT
is Dope.
iWanna Take A Hit.
iKnow il Feel Happy
Just if iGet Lit
iWanna Twist Just One last Time
Yes A Relapse
Thatll il risk
iKnow The Consequences
But this is it
iKnow il lose Everything once again but idk iF iHave Enough Heart
iLove, But Not Like iUsed to
This substance is
Powerful
Itll Take over
Its sour
iWanna use
And im getting closer to the point were i dont care if i lose...
Alexis J Meighan Oct 2012
Iknow ilove iappreciate

What I am
When I'm with you
What I see
When your around
What I eat
When you cook for us
What we can afford
When you go work your long days
What a relief I feel
When you come home
What a joy it is
When you run wild with our son
What a drain it can be
When you do so much but have to do a lil more
What a pain it can be
When your in such high demand
What a morning becomes
When you crash into me
What burdens we over come
When you plan and get the ball rolling
What a stronger man I am
When you tell me I can do it
What a home you make for us
When you do what you do
What my life would be like
I wouldn't know with out you
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
Yes
Never Had iThought
Id Actually Be Or Fall inlove.
A Mutual Desire
Something iFeel And People
Dont Call Me insane
Cause iTs A Human Being
Not A Chemical
Substance.
iRealistically Feel, How iKnow
iTs Real.
He's Better Than Drugs
A Fullfilling
Natural Stimulant dose
My Happiness my
everything, 1st love of my life
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
iSmile, iLaugh, iHug
Deep Within Me its All an Act.
iFroun, iScream, iCry
Deep Within Me iTs What iFeel
Why Do iFeel Empty?
They Tell Me iHave Everything
A Family, Wealth, Support
iKnow iKnow iKnow
They Say What More?
Idont Know, iDont Feel Alive
iFeel Souless, No interest, lifeless
What Do iWant? What Are
My Needs? To fullfill these Depression Thats deepining .
Pearl smoke Nov 2014
I'm Sorry Baby
Yes, Those who Truly Love would never lie.
But I Felt The Need To
iKnow The Truth To My Relapse
Will hurt you
and I'd probably
lose you.
So I decided it was best to
fool you
cause I want us to be forever,
I adore you!
Then Why Don't I just be honest?
Because I can't.
You'll Walk out the minute I tell you I had it again in my hands.
Youv Helped Me So much
&
Do the impossible to keep me out of reach
Take Most Of Your time to focus on me.
To see what I need.
You give me everything.
Addiction is a very hard thing
You Probably think I find it
So Easy to Say false things carelessly .
Underneath were the rightful things are seeked
I'm Really hurting and beating my self up with what I'm doing
The Drug Puts up a false front
Just to keep me consuming.
I Don't Want to lie
But I know the truth will make you Say goodbye.
Hope you understand
That it's not me who's dishonest
It's the drug that takes controll or Temptation that blind folds
To get me where it
Wants me.
Mr Zeal Nov 2013
I know who you are, skip the introduction...
Last night was so innocent, till you came and interrrrrupted!

Talking to my ignorance, in this place all the time i feel stupid.

You say your such a nightmare ya  whatever...
I wake up with my demon there, iknow his name is pleasure.

They praise the same God i do so what's different?
Im safe on this side of purity they use trojan.
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
Ive Been in 3 Different Residential
Rehabs & 5 Outpatients.
Sadly, Neither Have Worked Because
iM Out Here Doing The Same Thing.
Finding How To Get
A Dope Fix.
iDont Want To Go back
Hate the past experiences but iknow
iNeed iT Urgently.
Should be recommended Mandatory
iNeed Major help before
IEnd up losing my self again
Im in the middle. Before i get
Stuck once again.
Hannah Johnson Apr 2011
my fingertips itch

for something iknow

i'm not supposed to want

to have.



it's within my grasp,

i can feel my veins

rising to the surface of my skin

because my body wants

what my brain

won't allow it.



blood boils better under pressure

and i can't come up for air soon enough.



do as i say

not as i do.
brixton bell Apr 2016
the clouds just hung there like traitors. No movement. The numbers won’t add up. We’re divided. No release. Lights ricochet against the water like wounds. Cut my heart out & paste it to the cardboard cutout i’ve been reduced to. No movement. Decorate it with glitter- the expensive kind like you like. i have no eyes. The clouds just hang there but still they seem to manage change. Am i just the same? is that a question or a creative form of denial? Can you deal with this?
Plot your next move. You are the chess player & i’m the queen.
But you’ll never really get me.

There is no real ending. Time has lost her breath. Maybe i don’t know me. Running in place but i’m on empty. No rules to our love. No designated direction. No reasons. i’m the champion of failure, pushing my own face down in the mud. I’m the maker of destruction enjoying every last bit. Wishing lives came equipped with erasers. Happy being sad. (i will not call you. i will not give in.) Wishing on half-broken street lamps. i always knew you could never mend a broken heart so why do i keep trying. That’s not a question. it’s emptiness, everything.

i am my own prisoner. i know i know IKNOW.

*Taken from "I Killed Alice in Wonderland" by Brixton Bell. © All Rights Reserved.
brixtonbell.com
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
iFeel Guilty When iBuy This **** Now.
Im ******* up, im Truly Sorry
To All My loved ones
Who im letting down again. And instead of Stopping
The minute it gets to me?
Im Thinking
Of how getting my next fix.
iTs Disappointing
Iknow, but iLove iT!
Pearl smoke Oct 2014
When iDont Seek iT
iT Seeks Me
Now That iDont Want iT
iT Finds Ways
Finds Ways To Make iTs Way
To Convince Me
To Say Yes Once Again
But im Strong
iKnow iM Not, But if i Try To believe
Maybe itl bleed through
That i Can Beat iT.
Sobriety
This depression gives the impression

that the expression of a burnout is…

me

living and loving intently free

prison depends on jailhouse babies and legal **** ; weee!

we must organize expression of a quantum size, to re-realize more food and supplies

its such a surprise that id be thinkin this, engineering instruments with a pnuematic hiss

geared towards the questioned technocolypse….

“…well here on the graph we read an elipse, a parabola, and a demonic kiss…”

But whats this?

im’ channeling some quick quips ; alluring as a brothel’s contained hips with the open smile of sideways lips….

my daring is preparing all the world for destructive repairing

cause the frogs and the rains are staring

at this desolate earth

a burnt out hearth

with smouldering ashes, speaking of a crying birth

while the midwife is sick and shy with little self worth and curse; because a as a witch she doth rehearse

while the moonlights smiling and the phones texting and dialing

“Whats wrong?”==”Are you ok?”

“…but come on?”==”Is there any other way?…”

[please oh please let me stay in this old and bloodied fray; where the battles had axes and handles

where there were stories of travels, to faraway places leading to exotic geographic stasis]

caught in the moment of thought, a moment of fright…

until we stop and put a light to these wierd words

we wont know what the birds have heard….

Click crshhh….*

BURN little match like the wood you are!

combustion of suggestion set ablaze from afar

a flame throwers burned hands

while the pained sower , frustrated, changes plans

because in the end one one really understands

the torment of a floment spent eternally alone in atonement.

(=purgatory)

Where all you want to do is get on the phone, external validation felt at the tone,

but it really ain’t ****

because you are crying while its dialing and your out of minutes…

so check this bits of imaginary meaning and ****

ponder and quit

when you seek to make amends and introduce fake men to our imaginary friends

i keep on thinking…keep on blinking

wishing for emotion to extend

SO I think the words

AND I write whats heard

but haven’t YOU heard

from the little ittie birdie whos been certainly flying, singing and free

that im not mentaly sturdy, quirky, and ******…

LOGICALLY

iknow

sophistry

ishow

emotionally

Hol…………­……………loW

I guess it just goes to show that when you at home your never reallly  alone, because to you, the voices do drone
about

how much sandpaintings and ***** can be blown,….

away with a CLICK…BoooM

beaten with a stick….AH

shoed a away with a kick….

START my heart! I know better than this!

so I better think quick

before i stay mentally sick

as an alien who has forgotten it’s world

got on a roller coaster; spinned and whirled

till im spun and twirl’d

on this game we call life, with simple **** and complex hype,

hives of concepts meanings and thoughts….to derive daily quit failing

i miss haley :( , even phailee….

so I ask little voice in my head , since everyone has left will you stay instead?

come a little closer and hop into bed

so we can share the warmth of one last self-referencing infinity loop….

…..BEFORE i wake up and forget whats ashore

because im out at dream sea with clouds free and galore

but as soon as i stop thinking i know ill return to the me that i abhore

with pain and saddness deranged

omit school so classless and strange

as a failed out actress sick with mange.

but i know these negatvie moments are just flashes , to make me appreciate self motivated happiness…

so here you go

its me on the page, skelly the sage….

i just hope to god that I could set the stage 4 nirvana or heaven, we reach zion in seven

6

5

4

3

2

1

I love you.

Its over

i won myself over

like a sad kids redrover

thanks for letting  m3 share these freestyle thoughts i kant bear

im  alone no more, i seem to have exhausted my sadness store

and after venting i realize…. its a lot ******* bettor.

“Isn’t it eeeire howletting yourself feel sad

can make you feel soo much better?”
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
i Genuinely Just Cant Cope
With Recovery
iTurn into This Tearful pathetic
Mess and get more
depressed.
Krazie How One Thing
Can Change Your llife Forever
iTs Like iKnow All The Right
Things to do
To maintain sober
Ijust cant apply them To myself
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
This Feeling iS So Amazing.
Youll LOVE IT
More Like Fall inlove and Become Sick Dope Sprung,
iKnow iDid.
Fell For iTs Blinded Tricks So Easily
iTll Greet You And Come To You Nice And Sweetly
A Rush
The Feel As iF You Just Accomplished More Than
100 Things At Once.
A Sunshine Glow
Euphoric Flow
Pearl smoke Sep 2014
The Struggle Of
Being Dependent On A Substance.
Especially Stimulating Wise
Is So Difficult
My Negative Emotions Are What
Lead me to wanting to
Go and use.
To Get Away Relive
My Weaken Mind.
By Taking The Stress worries racing
Thoughts away
Dissapering Up in smoke
The Sad Feeling,
Every Time iFeel Blue
A Reminder Pops Up remembering
iHave A Cure to turn to.
Numbs Me All Completely
Since im addicted, idont get that first happy feeling, like idid in
The Beginning.
Makes All my pain and misery leave
Yes iknow, temporarily
As iConsume, its consuming
My Natural Happiness Permanently.
LoveLy Aug 2015
How I feel for you.

My love for you was broken like the shattered mirror I drew on paper with my reflection was etched in its pieces. My love for you is hiding in the corner because my brain knows better than to let my heart back in my chest. My heart is the broken mirror as I draw on paper. My reflection girl who only wants to love when she can't even love herself.

How I feel for you.

My love for you it's like a beautiful meadow of roses yet I only get pricked by your thorns as I run through naively thinking the beauty of my love for you was two sided.

My love with....for you was only reciprocated when it fit you best because I loved you all the time. Every time we talked I let my heart creep back into my chest and let my brain take a break. Silly me? But you love me when you were alone when youneeded someone to be there for you and I have always been that person to be there for you. And I will always be the person who is here for you because I know my love is broken mirrors on paper and though my love is a meadow full of thorns, I know my love for you will always grow like the pretty buds at the top of the stem as it digs deeper into my skin, I know that in love with you I will always get to see a new reflection of me good or bad. Broken but whole.
My love for you warms and breaks my heart and I would go through it a thousand times just see your smile just to be there for you when you needed me just save you from being LONELY.BECAUSE I love you And for  me right now the hope you may be loving me back is enough to get me through the hellish day is all I need.

One day someone will love me the same. Someone will have a love for me so strong so influenced by infactuation and the time spent together but for I will notice because iknow that struggle and for you I'll be gone....
Amelia Crake Apr 2014
b:
i loved him as i loved my own,
the love that i have is well shown.
as i walked in to the house,
there were so many so i turned to my spouse.
in the crowd she stood out,
but little did iknow the others would shout.
we signed and signed till our hands hurt,
we left with a little man named burt.


Bantma:
Burt saved our lives that night.
When a stranger wanted to fight.
He wanted to take my honey,
but instead I gave him all my money.
Noone will ever tak away my love.
She'll always be my precious dove.
-----
Bantma:
I ran away one time, my pocket filled with dimes.
Still a foolish child I'd hoped to run far away,
but the cops made me stay.
My brother beat me, he laughed when I cried.
My mother naver noticed, my father didn't care.
He was just a kid, it didn't matter what he did.

b:
one of these karma will catch up to him,
for he has a daughter named kim.
ittle did he know kim was beat and beat,
but never once did he leave his seat.
because he thought she was a problem child.
things took a turn she began to be wild.
for he still didnt know, the love he didnt show


Bantma:
He's never know love himself,
he's always put at the back of the shelf. I
don't blame him,
but I'll never forgive what he did.
Kim met a guy, he made her want to die.
He was just too cute, with enough love to share.
No one could tear her away, he promissed he'd always stay.
Until she found out she was having a baby,
Kim's boyfriend ran away.
Poetry written with a stranger at 1am...
Homeathome Mar 2019
A queer and epicure
A problematic diet
A teenage workout
I had to go to the prison bar
Lcked out my cell
Push ups on the go
With the trust in my heart
There was despair
I was raised to go
Home
Stay at home
Different shades
Take it from here
Better believe
You never stay same similarly
Indeed there's a reassurance
iknow
Somthing in your mind
Hard ot get, hard to figure out
SOmething bothering you
Man the racism isn't
There
It's the hate
THe sympathy and liberty
With the justice of a sullen symbol
Of sudden death
Of sombre nation
With the fearlessness
With the challenge of scale and bellicose resistance
I better work and stomp out the hate
THat I have
I was little I wanted to stay at the home
Away from the cigarettes that close ones ask for
If you knew me my face
Even the Devil wouldn't recognize
Trust me a face in the
Neu ce fleur
Friends with you and take it in deep and keep calm. Basically, go rub yourselves and scratch yourself in the head. if you read this, I bet you'll want the lock of poetic eyes closing in on those windows. Of your nervous eyes that serried in the shade of the moonlight. Do you like it? Please Like
We never passed eachother
when we wished we should have.
But then one day we will iknow,
against our will...

Dongaala
Choolwe Maluti Jan 2017
I love you with all my heart
Because no one else makes it beat fast
You smile melts my courage
And your voice fills me with laughter always

I'm like a deer caught in your trap
And though like the stars I can't see you high up
But iknow you're always there

This I know you've heard before
But mine is a genuine heart of gold
Because though like a fool I lose power to reason around you
I know I can't manage to lose you
D - Matter Feb 2014
Love?

What is Love?

I'm not talking about
What she wears Above
Low cut shirts
And tight fitted jeans.
Just to use what's In-between

But what she says.

Listen
Dream
Believe

But it's how we show it
Because Satisfaction
Is always defined,
by a persons Actions

Not two people that have
Vaine Tendancies

Two people that have,
reason to Believe

The people who show no
iNtelligence
iKnow

iPads
iDontTouch

"I love you soo much"  Click
"Let's see what you're wearing above"  Click

A couple with

Intelligence
Knowledge
Great Conversation

So we both have more,
to talk about.

Instaead of...

What are you doing tomorrow?
Or...
How our day went

Because we all have to borrow,
we're all in debt for the time
In our lives.

And that - First time smile-
Where cheeks are turned,
hearts are burned
With the same response

whispers

"It took you a while"

It takes the right person
To take just a while
To see if the smiles aren't,
fake to see if they don't

Shatter and Break

A kiss?

A kiss is the biggest,
human weakness.

It means I'm defeated
It means I'm the weakest,
human being.
Because it has more meaning

Of the greatness
Of just locking lips?

(With You)

Do you see, what I'm Seeing?

See because we're Free
And not just

Free
As in
Free?

But we have Free
Reason to Speak
And it gives us Free
Reason to...

Learn
And
Teach

Words like

Baby
Beautiful
I Love You

Are chucked into the wild
And used soo freely
Would make a person melt
Inside

The feelings are warm.

They feel soo familiar

To me

So be careful how they're used,
because the words also ****.
Are they Free now?

With jewels, clothes, and
materialistic things don't
Bring the Love she brings to me.

"I've been Broke(n) all my life"

Honest(ly)

All the points
Point you in the right direction
For Success to Succeed

This is Reality
Think Positively

Listen...
Dream...
Believe...







Beauty



­








*miles
Jude kyrie Sep 2015
Within the glowing
warmth Of twilight fires
I know familiar and comforting
the gentle touch of your fingertips
tingling like tiny electrical pulses
trickling to my most wanton senses.
desire and need for you
replaceing dreamlike contentment.

I know the toutch of your lips on mine
the feel of your hair falling on my skin
the warmth of your breath as it mingles
with my own At a time when even our
lifeblood flows as one.

I know the feeling of softness
that can be transfered into a raging torrent
as my fingers touch your skin
the need of you burning like
a firebrand as I must submit
my soul to for a moment of
your comforts.

Iknow the taste of you
comingled like tropical
fruits of passion that you
feed to me slowly as they are soaked
in the sweetest of the summer wine.
I savour each of your flavours
like my last meal In my mortal life

I know the emptiness
as you take all my passions
and drain the last of them into you
as I suffer the death of contentment
all my fires quenched
by the moisture of our passion.

I know these moments are ours
I know they exist outside
the realms of dreams.
I know that I find inside them
the power I need to tread
the weary footpath
of life's journey
Johnny walker May 2019
I always considered I was robbed when my darling passed away, three days and nights by her Hospital bed I never left
side
nurses let me tend her every  needs just as I had done at home for her the Hospital didn't
understand
the
Importance
of being there to comfort Helen In last moments she went on her
own
alone people will say and have done that Helen would wanted It to
be
that way but Iknow that's
not true I knew Helen to well she would have wanted me there with her
she
afraid to die alone I was robbed of last change
to hold In my arms to comfort her to say my last goodbye
even writing of this I have tears flooding my my
eyes
never will  I ever get that chance to comfort hold her to say that finale
goodbye I failed to be there I am now of the
unforgiven
People said Helen wanted to spare me from seeing her die that she wanted to die on her own alone I knew to well she was afraid of dying She would have wanted me to be their with her I robbed of my last chance unforgivable

— The End —