"devaluation" poems
when i told my friend that my new boyfriend loved sports and going out; partying, being loud and obnoxious, she grimaced and said she didn't know why i even liked him. i got angry with her - why did she not trust my gut?
i once told her that opposites attract, so we should be fine. we should have been.
but then came the fighting over little things, then came the mutual devaluation of each other's interests, then came the nights spent on the couch instead of in bed, his drinking. he would always take the books from my hands and throw them across the wall - ******** he called them. he'd always say i lived in my head, that i never gave him the attention he deserved, that he would take a ********** instead of me any time. and at some point, he had me loathing him more than i did myself.
yet, at the same time, i still loved him. it was like an addiction - i knew he was bad for me, but i clung onto him like he was air and i couldn't breathe. there were nights when i really couldn't.
sometimes it felt like he still loved me, too. when he came to the locked bathroom door and cried with me; apologizing over and over again. at those moments my love for him would crawl out of its cave - my heart - covered in blood, battered, bruised, but still standing. and it would hold him, whispering false truths in his ear. i would always forgive him, because opposites attract. it was just the way he was, he couldn't do anything about it.
even if he could, i frequently thought i didn't want him to. not because i was content with his violent outbrusts and alcoholism, or what he put me through on a daily basis - no. because i loved him, regardless of all the pain he caused me. and love means to accept someone for who they are.
but i came to realize that love is quite finite when all negative things seem infinite.
i hated the way we were so different. where i would sit in one place for hours on end, he'd walk around clumsily, breaking things, screaming, slamming doors.
he drove me mad. and, don't get me wrong, i am not a saint. i'm sure i did the same to him. maybe it's my fault that he turned out the way he did - perhaps if he had chosen to live with someone else, his smiles would still be kind rather than cruel. perhaps if i had changed for him - if i was more like him, we would have been okay. but my silence was deafening. i was convinced he didn't deserve to hear my voice. and he didn't, for days. sometimes he asked if i was pretending to be a ghost of what we used to be. i started questioning my previous way of thinking. do opposites really attract?
and i came to a conclusion. they really do. opposites attract, but they are not always good for each other. i had to learn that the hard way.
and just like a ghost, i faded. i left.
Apr 8, 2015
Apr 8, 2015 at 6:23 AM UTC
Do you ever feel like a dust
Drifting through wind
Starting spear in others eyes.
Do you ever feel like a paper thin
One may use, another may throw
Thinking about devaluation of your.
Do you ever feel like steeped in misery
trapped in a cagey
But no one wants to hear a thing.
Do you know that there's still a BEGINNING in you
It's not and ending of you
There's still glimmer in you.
You have to ignite the light in you
Let it shine
Let your colors brust.
Come on show them what your worth
You need to slap them with your work
BEGINNING is there in you so let it boom.
You don't have to feel like you mean nothing to this mean world
You are appealing creation of God
You're original,cannot be replaced with others.
After a hurricane, comes a hope
You have to know what your future holds
BEGINNING is your soul to reach your goal.
Seeking for open door but gotta closed
So that in search of open door
leads you to the perfect road.
Like a lightening of clouds, your heart will glow
Wait for that flwaless time
When it's time, you'll know.
Oct 2, 2018
Oct 2, 2018 at 11:04 AM UTC
We need others to play with us to not feel isolation,
We need to bring joy to others to feel elation,
We crack like delicate porcelain then be viewed as a deformation,
Our minds are more of an aberration,
As we yearn for someone's admiration,
We are viewed as objects by the nation,
We strive to look different by modification,
Ending up with falsification,
With envious glares acting as devaluation,
Although we are each marked by our own notation,
We submit to society's suffocation,
All in all we are the gods and demons dolls.
Artificial, pretend and above all,
just a recreation.
Jun 2, 2016
Jun 2, 2016 at 8:33 PM UTC
up on Boot Hill
the sun sets early
the soaked anguish
of grieving mothers
swaddled in
twilight's vestments
mourn the death
of another murdered
child
we roll our eyes
and speak in tongues
tiny prayers
incant
RIP
these reflexive bits,
our shattered votives
litter city boulevards
on each solemn
street corner
new alters
of desecration
are erected
then despoiled with
the wasted wax of
misspent novenas
our extended families
are bloodlines of fear
spawning
prostrate men
tattooed with
multicolored pain
who refuse to cover
body marks
bespeaking epic tales
of sorrow,
divisions
countless separations
also marking
righteous reasons
of seething
resentments
eager to settle
accounts
sweet vendettas
clever ambushes
carefully deliberated
for generations
by discordant clans
believing in malice
exalting guns
shared loss
is our
common
affliction
uniting everyone
in envelopes of sadness
becoming live
Dear John letters
bearing news of dearly
departed loves
atop the coffins
of dead children
votives pile high
with scrawled eulogies
of fevered graffiti
solemnly pledging
“gonna make someone suffer
gonna even the score
never forget you
RIP”
and we all die
looking stupid as hell
lamenting
love don’t rest in peace
hearing
it scream from the grave
witnessing
the hallowed earth
churning with revulsion
accepting the bitter ashes
of another dead child
for the love of you
is your funeral march
love don’t RIP
it stalks the tomb
of indifference
it mourns
the ambivalence
of its devaluation
it haunts the
day dreams
of what could
have been
it restlessly
flits among
the playgrounds
of our minds
cluttering the rooms
of our homes
with grief
up on Boot Hill
we clasp the
small hands
protruding from
shallow graves
groping to find
a graceful sleep
for love don’t
rest in peace
Stevie Wonder:
Love Is In Need of Love Today
Written to honor
Love Appreciation Day
jbm
Oakland
1/19/13
Feb 18, 2013
Feb 18, 2013 at 5:45 PM UTC
When this digital dark age passes
and smartphone screens go dead
we shall all return to vibrant life.
We shall look up, toward vast horizons
recalling dimly-lit square centimeters of data
finger-scrolling our memories in the afterglow.
We shall again behold the depth of sky
from the mouths of our caves and pit-houses.
We shall know the Creator as well as the Creation.
We shall communicate once again.
Oct 2, 2015
Oct 2, 2015 at 9:57 PM UTC
AN: There are no errors. Every word, every space, everything is done on purpose.
Call it creepy.
Call it weird.
Call it masochistic.
I don’t care.
You don’t know,
you can’t fathom
how it feels
to see your blood well up
fill the tiny little channels
in your skin.
Watch your skin turn red,
then fade to pink,
then finally to white.
You don’t know
how it feels
to see your blood reach up
toward the stars,
dying white to red
in a matter of seconds.
You don’t know
what it’s like
to have your whole life
hang in the balance of
a pushed up sleeve.
To harbor secrets
so much darker
than the darkest of guesses.
You can’t know
the feeling of a defaced cross
forever imprinted in your skin
when you press you arm against
something flat.
You can’t understand
the easiness of a trance.
The lack of thought,
except maybe
“look how pretty”
or perhaps
“Bleed, bleed, bleed!”
You think you know
the pressure of-
not the blade,
because that’s not all
I use. More-
sharp objects,
but you don’t.
You think it’s all emotional,
bring mental pain to
physical pain.
or it’s a pathetic plea for
attention.
or it makes me feel better.
or I want to fit in.
or .
or.
or.
All this psychological
devaluation.
It’s all
wrong.
Chemical imbalance?
I guess we’ll never know.
I’m sure as hell
not getting
tested.
So you can throw me away
and lock up the key-
or is it the other way around?
No, you’re out of
your mind.
You want to overanalyze
me,
over complicate
me.
It’s simple.
I want to see myself
bleed.
I want to see what’s supposed
to be on the inside
on the outside.
Why does there have to be more?
Why do you have to blame my depression?
or Mommy?
or Daddy?
Because that’s the most widely accepted
excuse?
Rather than the truth?
Why would you rather believe
lies?
It shouldn’t be so hard
to find a name for this.
A name that doesn’t also apply
to biological disorders.
That’s not what this is.
This is something
solely
in my brain.
Neither
nature
nor nurture
but
a neurosis
that simply
is.
I have a
neutral
relationship with my
‘disorder’.
I don’t try to do away with it,
and it doesn’t try to
**** me.
But you don’t believe that.
It’s not healthy.
It’s bad.
You spout off meaningless
factsstatistcs
about suicides
in my age group.
How some
-emotional!-
cutters
accidently go too far
resulting in their
death.
SHUTUP!
I know what
you’re saying.
I understand
the statistics.
I know why
you’re concerned.
I get it.
But I’m ok.
Honestly, I am.
It may not seem like it,
I know,
but I swear it’s true.
I’m ok with who I am.
I have no shame.
Really.
You don’t know
how this is.
so just leave me
alone
and help someone
who really needs it.
Because I.
Do.
Not.
Nov 15, 2011
Nov 15, 2011 at 5:34 PM UTC
Grandiose curiosum
Tittle-tattle tralala
Association after association
What has been and could have been
And would have been and isn’t
The fourth rack wrecks
With rumours and whispers
And dishonest lies
But sell your soul for some sales
And you’ll end up in an endless devaluation
Of the moral
And the valuable
And decency and fact
Between a cold Sun and a dead Star
There is nothing worthy to Express
Dec 7, 2016
Dec 7, 2016 at 8:40 AM UTC
Appalled by the execution
Of the implied devaluation
Bringing down the hopeless rage
Upon all those tainted by implication
I stand in visible observation
With no shield or aberration
To lay blame for my inclination
To find fault in your need for polarization
No left or right or up down
Flows in natural light through my being
I am extant in my word and deed
So blame yourself if you fail...in seeing
That in the most unimagined
Set of convoluted circumstances
I am simply your own reflection...uninspired
By your lack of need ..to learn by taking chances
But even i will not follow you.... into
The depths of your morbidity
If you seek to drag along those poor lost sheep
Into your hatred and fearmongering obscenity
I stand ...
For all...those
... who you knock down!
Aug 27, 2017
Aug 27, 2017 at 4:49 AM UTC
I am here where MANY have already been,
How long will I linger
Before I move on?
Will
I
Move on?
Growing Is hard
Not growing harder,
Especially,
When there is a motivation, compulsion
To
Grow,
Like
The flowers and trees
Defying gravity,
Exercising
Urge and belief
In
It's existence/
Their
Existence,
Thrusting itself
Toward
Heaven.
But
Still
Treasuring
This present earth
And
Cosmos!
Devaluation
May 27, 2017
May 27, 2017 at 7:25 PM UTC
it's longest chain
to suit and unsuit game
a blood is burning in my vein
i climbing up on mountain top
i scream, i win, but that is not enough
you look at me with curved face
devaluation any steps
i am like Christmas tree on sunday market
my branches was decorate by garland
and everyone gives own price
they look at me like at the Christmas tree
Nov 27, 2019
Nov 27, 2019 at 12:42 AM UTC