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B Young May 2016
Pocket full of clacking around benzodiazepines
Xanax, Klonopin, and ******.
Am I late for class? Am I late for work?
Am I late for my own life? (truth)  
Is this really any normal kind of respite or relaxation?
Chemistry really has come a long way to introduce
us to induced relaxation(?) pills.
My Mr. Dr. says it should help with my anxiety,
but it only seems to cloud me in my depravity:
I steal, I lie, and I wake up naked in unknown
bedrooms in unknown cities with unknown
women. Who…did they steal my wallet?
And where the **** are my car keys?
Better yet, where in Allah’s name is my car?
OH! Lord Jesus Christ OH! God of the Jews I cry out,
Forgive me (lie) for I hath sinned.

I suddenly want to do every drug (truth)
ever made, you name it, I’ll try it,
just this once, of course. I don’t have an
addictive personality (lie)
The Dr. says it is OK if I take 4mg of Xanax a day (truth),
hence it must be safe (lie), right?  A Dr. can’t lie, can he?
Wait! Where am I again? And, what are we doing here?

Oh…that’s right, we are kids going nowhere (truth), how
silly of me to forget. If this is Prozac Nation,
then I am the ****** State. My governor is the late
William Burroughs (lie) and my deputy is the late Kurt Cobain (lie).
We are not in this for the fame (lie), a state run by the deceased.
So, how dare you point a finger at me in blame.
This is Drug Nation, America-home of the sedated and land of the overdose.
Ylang Ylang Mar 2018
Benzodiazepines corrode my gums,
Grey fills my veins.
From a dull journey
I'm coming back
to the House of Alive.

Thought it was a good idea,
Never been so wrong, my dear.
Benzodiazepines corrode my gums,
Days filled with scattered drums.

Benzodiazepines corrode my gums-
-Days filled with scattered drums.
V Oct 2015
Clonazepam, Lorazepam, Diazepam, Alprazolam, if you've been acquainted with benzodiazepines,
Then you will know the hassle that I hearby mean.
Names so crazy it's like they fit your mind,
Yet without them they can be so unkind.

Clonazepam, Lorazepam, Diazepam, Alprazolam,
Tiny little pills, oh how you can truly and seriously help me to heal!
Yet, you make us happy as we should be without you to feel,
Because I'd rather remember you as an old friend who was there for a while to keep me "still".

Clonazepam Lorazepam, Diazepam, Alprazolam...
I know it's hard to say goodbye,
So for now I'll just say "goodnight",
And maybe one day I'll see without you-
the true happiness of daylight.*


I hate the consistent need to feel "normal" with any medication. It such a pain when you go through deadly withdrawls too. :(
Katarina Arno Aug 2015
I tick and I tock, just slightly lost
And I drink scarlet wine not for the taste, no
To silence the beats in my depth
Stop the dripping, the pain
The haze, the glamour of being a mess
The cork, the bottle just the right shape
Slick, slide it up slowly
High thing glass, sweet smell
Pretend you are something else
Wrong time zone, benzodiazepines
Plath's verses, your truths, your dares
Mateuš Conrad Sep 2017
mein shatten, o mein shatten -
wenn nur du haben aber eins auge,
zu einsehen mich, ihr σίσυφος.

my shadow, o my shadow -
if only you had but one eye,
to observe me, your sisyphus.

and are there no better contrasts to
be observed?

well, there is the title:
to spectate rain, falling in sunlight,
with the two rainbow arches
emerging from thin air...

of the inner 7 fractions,
to the outer 2, if not 3 (red and green
being the most distinct) -

to watch rain, fall in sunlight,
is like watching countless shooting stars...

but there is an even greater swelling
of the heart, as the eyes observe...
snow, falling ever so gently in the night,
and, if abiding near a cemetery,
how much more potent the scene.

i am the vain carrier of my shadow,
if only my shadow could see,
but then again, the shadow is burdened
with memory,
   for the shadow remains
chronologically bound to allow such
intactness of lived to forgotten
of scenes, acts, pains & pleasures.

and thus unto spoiling this "effort":
       sheikh imran nazar hosein -
honest to god, i could listen to the old
man for hours, and never feel
bored, or, to say the least, "triggered"...
there's absolutely nothing annoying
about him, but more importantly:
nothing arrogant, thus subsequently
pompous...

   it's just that he fails to mention
one aspect of western secularisation
process...
       the west has priests,
although, the priesthood has changed
into:
  the modern priest in western societies
is a: psychiatrist.
  these are the new priests,
they too prescribe certain "atonements"...
perhaps not the 20 hail mary's after
confession...
   short & sweet alternative:
     an antidepressant with your coffee,
or some benzodiazepines...
honestly? i'd prefer the wafer and
the sip of wine... but you know,
times are a'changing.

nonetheless, i prefer listening to old men
talk, such as sheikh imran nazar hosein,
because they *can
talk,
rather than slobber all over the camera
screen...
  and the way they talk, is akin to, say,
morgan freeman becoming a d.j.
on a classical music radio station
at 9p.m., through to 11p.m. so that
people hear the lullaby...

      yes yes, i know the subject matters of
the sheikh are religious,
but i too share my worth in some form
of religiosity, some form of gesticulation,
as merely as the one already given,
with the rain in the sunlight,
                and the snow in the night,
even with the freshly poured rain in
the night, that looks like quicksilver
every time it glistens,
   or like the frost on the pavement in
the night: that resembles a thousand upon
thousand of paparazzi camera flashes
at a red carpet event -

                                    veni vidi noto;
now for the alternative title (in german) -
      regen in sonnenlicht / schnee in nacht.

p.s. i write german using an english
grammatical structure,
   bare with me, i just like the way
it sounds... even if it has an english grammatical
structure... and if only they began to teach
german in english primary schools,
rather than french, i guess it would have
             caught on with me -
twice the man, and a fraction of a wannabe.
m Jan 2018
there is something so tragic about a blank face and a ***** mirror. about 3 a.m eyes and our own fingers, mapping the parts of us we hate. there is something so damaging about resurfacing old ideas while juggling target practice with the wooden box kept bundled under piles of wrinkled clothes, stowed away in our dressers like safes, holding sharp things we would never touch on other days.

how can one relearn the idea of sleep?

because melatonin only worked once and benzodiazepines only kept us asleep long enough to dream about the bad things we avoided falling asleep for.

3 a.m feels like dry eyes and grown-out nails, bitten down until brittle. 3 a.m feels like a bed we are too afraid to crawl into and our own eyes we are too afraid to stare at. 3 a.m feels like a cold, creaking tiled floor, muffled from our fragile steps we took over it.

3 a.m feels like fear and sounds like the repeated notion of grinding teeth instead destroyed skin.

i keep studying the stain on the ceiling as though it were a separate universe. I keep willing it to take me away. outside, it's raining, without leaving a sound or smell behind, just flooded window wells and a distant ringing in my ears.

& praying used to be words i sung inside my head as though they could sing me towards some kind of promised refuge, but they never offered me anything except more of what i was already left with -

fear, constant fear, that things don't change, they just reshape themselves into shadows, into 3 a.m night lights and closed mouths that never stopped trembling.
someone teach me how to sleep
Constantine Feb 2021
dxm
i dont know you and you dont know me
but we can make this small room feel so serene
taking x and benzodiazepines
our brains melt away with so much ease

your not the one for me as i am not the one for you
but tonight we can make it feel like eternity in this room
Alexa Aug 2020
There are a few things I have by my bed at night except for a nightlight
Benzodiazepines, amphetamines, antidepressants, and a crafting knife
It might sound a bit ****** up, but sweetheart, that’s the story of my life
To stay alive I sold my soul and paid a high price
~ A.S 02.05.20 ~
Nellie 55 Mar 2020
I woke up with some xanax. Realized I've got some more to text. What's next? I don't know, I'm already anxious asf time to go. Make my feels glow. Rightfully no. I just want to end it, this isn't healthy. What do you mean y'all care about me. I hate me. Zoloft, benzodiazepines, melatonin, SSRI's got me begging for a stronger dose what a surprise. Give me my bottle, bout to make me sleep see you tomorrow. I can't blame anyone else but myself. Struggling to stop but at the same time it's not helping. But atleast it's something. Hush Nellie stop talking. Swallow a depressant and stay silent. Nobody has to know. What can they even do? If they knew? What they're gonna hold you? Yeah right, no ones stuck around to watch you stick up and fight. You're close to losing life. Pill the trigger and commit to the pillshot.
Part three.....
Nellie 55 Feb 2020
Bet
I've been drinking, blacked out again. Next day later I had to decide how much ties I've lost. **** what happened forgot.
Don't criticize me, the people i loved left me. Especially when comes to me being at my worse. I'm amazed cupcake forgives me and wanta to see me at my best. Along with my roommates, **** I got that. By I'm a step back. Would like to continue solo, I don't trust a soul. Last person i trusted woth my life gave up on me. Wow, I need something to swallow. Wanna eat, pass a drink. Benzodiazepines and SSRI's at the ready. Going to lose myself again to test my boundaries.
Nah **** that, stay clean again. These ******* don't deserve you but don't allow that judgment pry you open.
Hmmmmm
Who still actually has time to give a ****?
I just want to disappear into nothing
Want to burry myself with my issues
Nobody has a clue
Nellie 55 May 2020
Love is an addiction, a bad confliction. Overdose on the toxic ahit. Love is hard to quit.
Wasn't ready for a mental war, especially when you miss things more. Sleeping meds didn't work, benzodiazepines ain't my worth. I just wanted it all to work.
I've giving everyone I possibly can, what the other doesn't understand, is that my change was a new level of commitment. A new free spirit. Bow look at me hanging myself because I've got hung up. What's love? Either way I wasn't enough
Giving it all my best, not doing anything more I regret.
I'm a love addict, always was ready to commit. The past caught up, I've let that mess **** up. Now I'm a new many on the search for love.
Ever since a bad break up I've got neurotic, **** near became a alcoholic
I'm a recover, I'm a rebuild, just for my future love heres a little note.
Please don't break me, if you do will you help me put myself back together. I don't want to live with agony, I'm a be better than ever. I won't take anything for granted, nor allow any one to have it.
Keys to my heart you can have it, just locket, keep it in your pocket, bullet proof but not with a rocket, vibe with me so we can rock it, allow peace with nothing to hit.
Nellie 55 Nov 2020
I will always be the one to burn,
Scooped my ashes and spread them in the air. I'll always be ready to learn, I won't care. The feelings are spreading in the air.
So what! I'm no alcoholic, I just simply got neurotic. In between conflicts and places with all conversations I'm a bit sporadic. 12 pack by my side, sipping a dozen. Alone the the darkness I hide, gave it my all for nothin.
My anxiety up high, the past catching up everytime I was ready to say bye. Ask me to be happy, I'm always going to isolate and begin acting. Where's the benzodiazepines?
I Want to forget everything for a little bit.
BRAVE Fraternal Order of Police Officers, who feared for their safety, tear gas & shoot to death a 107-year-old man. Fraternal Order of Police Officers, who feared for their safety, shoot to death a 93-year-old woman.

Tuesday 8:30-11:30 p.m. Updated: Wed 5:55 PM, May 07, 2014 ~ A 93-year-old woman is shot and killed by a police officer at her home in Hearne. Pearlie Golden was pronounced dead Tuesday night at St. Joseph Hospital. The elderly woman was rushed there after being shot by a male officer at her house on Pin Oak Street. Multiple witnesses tell us she was shot at least five times. Hearne police are not ready to say whether Golden was armed or why the officer felt threatened. "All I know is that they were called out here,” said Robertson County District Attorney Coty Siegert. “They were dispatched out here to address the situation. Again, I'm not sure exactly what that situation was, but it was not a random encounter." Residents are questioning why police would shoot Golden who they described as a sweet, sweet woman. “Even if she did have a gun, she is in her 90’s,” said Lawanda Cooke. “They could have shot in the air to scare her. Maybe she would have dropped it. I don’t see her shooting anyone. Siegert says the case will eventually be presented to a Grand Jury, which is standard procedure in officer involved shootings. The Texas Rangers and Robertson County District Attorney’s Office are investigating. The Hearne Police Department says they are working on a news release. We'll bring you that information as soon as it is released.

9/7/13 : Pine Bluff, Arkansas : ACCORDING TO POLICE: They arrived at Monroe Isadore's residence in response to reports of a disturbance. Mr. Isadore confronted them with a handgun and retreated into a bedroom, firing on them when they attempted to enter. S.W.A.T. officers arrived as backup and, after failed negotiations, released gas into the room and broke down the door. Mr. Isadore fired on them as they entered, and they returned fire, killing him. Mr. Monroe Isadore was 107 years old.

WEB: In the long run, routine deception by the police tears at our social fabric, and undermines the law enforcement system. The more police lie, the more skeptical juries are going to be, even when police are telling the truth.

Arkansas medical examiner rules death of handcuffed suspect a suicide, updated 10:03 P.M. E.D.T., Mon. August 20, 2012

(C.N.N.) -- The Arkansas medical examiner has ruled the death of a man shot while handcuffed in the back of a police car as a suicide, the state crime lab announced Monday.

Chavis Carter, 21, died July 29 while in the back of a Jonesboro, Arkansas, police car. The police report from that night shows officers detained Carter after learning there was a warrant for his arrest in Mississippi and searched him twice before leaving him handcuffed in the backseat of a patrol car.

"At the time of discharge, the muzzle of the gun was placed against the right temporal scalp," the crime lab's report states. Police said they discovered a .380-caliber Cobra semi-automatic pistol when they found Carter's body slumped over.

Many people in Jonesboro were skeptical about the shooting, as was Carter's mother. "I think they killed him," Theresa Carter told C.N.N. on Wednesday. "I mean, my son wasn't suicidal."

She also said her son was left-handed and had called his girlfriend to tell her he would contact her from jail. She wondered how police could find a bag of marijuana and not find a gun when they searched her son. There have been several protests in Jonesboro by citizens who don't believe the police explanation. Police have released a video in which an officer dramatizes how someone could shoot themselves while in the back of a police car. The officer was the same height and build as Carter, police said. They also have released the interview room video of a witness who said police were standing outside the car when a shot was fired. The autopsy also showed that Chavis Carter tested positive for marijuana, amphetamines (including ****) and benzodiazepines, classified by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration as depressants. Jonesboro police said the investigation into Carter's death is ongoing.

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