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"attainability" poems
# *I was shovelling drifted snow outside  today and was overcome  again by the warmth of that  beautiful,    deep feeling. You may never understand the need to push through the mundane and into the deep,  central Core of the one you care most about.     For you, in your current world, that is not attainable.. but for me..  looking at you.. I know you very much have that  deeply-gorgeous, extremely worthwhile attainability in you. Without connecting deeply with one such as you, I would just be sliding superficially along the surface throughout this entire 'life' here.. Knowing there is a whole world of untapped closeness lying just under the status-quo of the normal 'everyday' operating level. That is not saying we would necessarily  be ******        at all    It just means that there is,  sadly    such a huge amount of giving up  of the Beautiful    in order to continue on skating along the surface. That is why I do what I do, and say the things I say    late at night. During the day, I am operating   out there on the "everyday" level. At night,  I am connecting into the unfathomable depths of the most lusciously-beautiful gold mine I have ever known. I can't do the "surface" thing with you, Young-love..     In fact..  I won't.   You get that in your marriage, and pretty much everywhere else around you. I refuse to be a part of that tremendously sad list. You will never not be that deeply luscious gold mine.. You will never not be fully worthy of the attempt. You want to be left alone.          .. ok.* #
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Dec 15, 2022
Dec 15, 2022 at 7:28 PM UTC
thin ice..
# *I was shovelling drifted snow outside  today and was overcome  again by the warmth of that  beautiful,    deep feeling. You may never understand the need to push through the mundane and into the deep,  central Core of the one you care most about.     For you, in your current world, that is not attainable.. but for me..  looking at you.. I know you very much have that  deeply-gorgeous, extremely worthwhile attainability in you. Without connecting deeply with one such as you, I would just be sliding superficially along the surface throughout this entire 'life' here.. Knowing there is a whole world of untapped closeness lying just under the status-quo of the normal 'everyday' operating level. That is not saying we would necessarily  be ******        at all    It just means that there is,  sadly    such a huge amount of giving up  of the Beautiful    in order to continue on skating along the surface. That is why I do what I do, and say the things I say    late at night. During the day, I am operating   out there on the "everyday" level. At night,  I am connecting into the unfathomable depths of the most lusciously-beautiful gold mine I have ever known. I can't do the "surface" thing with you, Young-love..     In fact..  I won't.   You get that in your marriage, and pretty much everywhere else around you. I refuse to be a part of that tremendously sad list. You will never not be that deeply luscious gold mine.. You will never not be fully worthy of the attempt. You want to be left alone.          .. ok.* #
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41
Perceptions of the man I am An amorphous facade that blinks in and out of existence That counts its lifespan with every beat of my heart There is no permanence or longevity Because that is what I choose And what I choose is fleeting Like a first love or a wispy cloud I cannot define the man Or claim to know my own intentions Because they are fluid and unwieldy And harken me to a time when darkness ruled And light was a concept without meaning Or validity, or attainability
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Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 7:29 AM UTC
Perceptions of Me
nonviolent, but for how much longer? i've seen the doubt in your eyes and it's turning to hate- you've never known a cause with so little hope, you've never been part of the resistance, never a stopper of progress. you believe in your cause, yes, but do you believe in its attainability anymore? i've seen the love in your eyes and it's making you righteous- i've caught glimpses of what you're capable of by the flash of passing streetlamps and i want to see you when you fall. you've never looked so beautiful as with your back against this wall. 'Q
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Dec 28, 2013
Dec 28, 2013 at 1:22 AM UTC
running out of time and new words for "listen"
I suppose I might have liked you more before you liked me when you were a castle in the sky a faraway dream for others to have and to hold but not me certainly not me when you were a shining vision of unattainability I suppose I've always been this way always wanted more wanted what I can't have bored when I get it always wishing always wanting dragging myself through the pain in order to say "look, I survived it look, how strong I am" nevermind that I caused it so I don't know if I can deal with your sudden attainability don't know if I can coerce myself through the boredom of happiness
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Nov 6, 2017
Nov 6, 2017 at 7:13 PM UTC
An image of unattainability
please allow arability of friendship and hoop fully this acquiescence can render an accord shared via exchanging calumet peace pipe initially invoked qua piercing, gouging, digging...from hooked aquilinity upon awareness miss applying the squaw aridity mine swallowing capacity as pins pricking a voodoo likeness doll (of me), though this claim could steeped in utter contrived artificiality fusing flagrant faulty aromaticity asininity admitting absent attentiveness as ska walking a fine line betwixt asexuality behooves rectification allowing solution Wiccan agree upon linking assimilability, assignability, assiduity implicating with asperity ***** err roan nee huss rubble word choice prompting asperity inducing me to cast the first stone of apology, and self awareness totally tubularly offer thyself as human sacrifice redeeming conceding unalterable venal tone role of squawking chief fowl ling at the end zone regarding, where associatively properly went assumability, anonymity of the internet vent ting modality adopting immunity, viz virtual community tent revival meeting adumbrating atypicality, attainability avoidance of audiological atrocity, sans atonality sent to ear rate, the autoimmunity authority, authenticity, austerity, audacity, co rent ting availability, automaticity, accessibility asper automobility to scale tenement, pent house, or pre faux ying bing avascularity, avidity, avuncularity avers automatically tall lent aim to amble along xy feigning tubby with minimal audibility clark kent information superhighway axiality grid via galavanting gent can be activated swimmingly with less overt axe said dent.
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Apr 20, 2018
Apr 20, 2018 at 7:34 PM UTC
apologia to avoid an online world squaw bull!
please allow arability of friendship and hoop fully this acquiescence can render an accord shared via exchanging calumet peace pipe initially invoked qua piercing, gouging, digging...from hooked aquilinity upon awareness miss applying the squaw aridity mine swallowing capacity as pins pricking a voodoo likeness doll (of me), though this claim could steeped in utter contrived artificiality fusing flagrant faulty aromaticity asininity admitting absent attentiveness as ska walking a fine line betwixt asexuality behooves rectification allowing solution Wiccan agree upon linking assimilability, assignability, assiduity implicating with asperity ***** err roan nee huss rubble word choice prompting asperity inducing me to cast the first stone of apology, and self awareness totally tubularly offer thyself as human sacrifice redeeming conceding unalterable venal tone role of squawking chief fowl ling at the end zone regarding, where associatively properly went assumability, anonymity of the internet vent ting modality adopting immunity, viz virtual community tent revival meeting adumbrating atypicality, attainability avoidance of audiological atrocity, sans atonality sent to ear rate, the autoimmunity authority, authenticity, austerity, audacity, co rent ting availability, automaticity, accessibility asper automobility to scale tenement, pent house, or pre faux ying bing avascularity, avidity, avuncularity avers automatically tall lent aim to amble along xy feigning tubby with minimal audibility clark kent information superhighway axiality grid via galavanting gent can be activated swimmingly with less overt axe said dent.
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42
Her beauty pained me greatly. Her edges, the lines of her curves cut into me like razor wire.The deepest and most vulnerable parts of me choked on tears of want. Nothing truly beautiful can ever be obtained. Indeed the very notion of attainability is utterly destroyed by the vision of what is truly beautiful. Even one's own body, the source of longing itself becomes belonging to something bigger; belongs to no one at all. Her form, her poise, her grace, her *** which shone off of her blindingly. My mind, usually engaged in white-washing the world in colors suiting my narcissistic bent is arrested, transposed. My greedy, perverse imagination simply cannot top the marvel pleasuring herself playfully before an audience innumerable. My rendering engine cannot keep up with my desire and I break down. Religion floods my heart and not worship but sacrifice overtakes me. I want to die for her image. I don't want to know her physically- too much pain would be involved- though I would starve myself indefinitely just to taste her.
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Nov 14, 2017
Nov 14, 2017 at 4:31 PM UTC
Fire's Edge