The bird in the zoo,

A fleeting shadow,

While the tigers, lions, and bears sit pristine.

Behind glass, behind iron,

The ice cooler hums its silent cold,

A tire swing creaks in empty air,

A scratching post stands tattered,

Drawing the eyes of tourists,

The pride of the wild carry distant memories of jungles and savannahs,

Of woods that no longer exist,

Only flashes and pointed fingers remain.
They perform for their meals,

Hiding nothing,
Not a sliver of escape in sight,

There are no corners,

No refuge from the onslaught of gazes.

The birds come,

Landing briefly,

Their wings heavy with the weight of both freedom and confinement,

Dipping their beaks into water,

Picking at scraps,

And then, without a word,

They depart,

Gone again to the wild,

Leaving only the scent of freedom behind.
I, too, am a wild bird in a domestic zoo,

Half caged, half free,

My spirit soaring beyond the bars,

Yet tethered still to the eyes that watch me.

Are we a novel or a short story?
Will the hero vanquish the villain, or will we spiral into a psychological thriller?
Is there magic lurking in the corners,
or mischief in every twist?
Will we find glory or guts,
or will gold be the prize we never reach?

Will there be romance that ignites,
or a slow burn that fizzles out?
Will triumph rise,
or will we drown in the weight of defeat?
Fighting, feuds, will they scar us,
or will they push us toward something greater?

What will our story look like?
Are we a best seller, cherished,
or a forgotten tome gathering dust on a shelf?
Will we inspire revolution,
shifting the course of history?
Will we echo the power of ancient, biblical texts,
words that change lives for centuries to come?

Will we inspire, educate, and challenge?
Or will we lull, a quiet companion to sleep?
Do we linger in quiet moments,
read in bathrooms, in bedrooms,
or do we make our mark in the world outside?
Are we a tale as old as time,
or a new chapter waiting to unfold?

Time will only tell,
but I wish I could read between the lines
turn the page
before the story’s over.

The things I would do to simply hear you softly strumming your guitar from the other room would offend god, man, and everything in between.
To catch the moonlight reflecting off your two pieces of sea glass.
To smell the room after you've left your trail of gentle aroma.
To crawl into the bed and be enveloped in a hug by the warmth that you have left.
The things that i would do for an ounce of tenderness.

You turned your back on me while i had my chest exposed to you,
how was i supposed to know you had been craving a different kind of drug?
you were pure hard drugs everyone else is a substitute,
i can still feel you in my veins
i am addicted,
you are heroine,
they are suboxone,
you are an american spirit,
they're a nicotine patch,
you are moonshine,
they're a non-alcoholic beer,
you are the way the sun warms the grass on a summer day,
they are a wooden stove,
you are a freshly baked cookie,
they are a day old discount pastry,
you are an angel dipped in gold,
they are a ****** statue spray painted black,
nothing on this earth could amount to the sight of your smiling face and wrinkled nose,
trying to describe you with words in a poem is an insult to you,
nothing could ever accurately depict the heavenly being that you are,
but, oh God, i'll try although it falls upon deaf ears.

These nights in the dark,
They’re when I miss you the most,
When I fear what I can't know,
Where you are, what you're doing.
Are you with them?
Do you think of me?

In these dark moments,
That's when I truly feel alone.
I would reach out a tentative hand,
If I thought it would calm my racing heart.
"How are you?"
"I love you."
"Miss you!"
I'd lay my guts at your door
But it wouldn't help.
Neither of us.

Involve me in your life,
Don’t hide in the shadows,
Or cast them on me.

my father was a drunk
mother was a *****
dad spent his paycheck on *****
so we were always poor
drinkings what he chooses
going to school with bruises
no friends to talk to
zipper always askew
although they stared
no one cared
until the boy with the charming eyes
the one who told such pretty lies
but i didnt mind
he was ever so kind
finding ways to make me smile
but of course he left after a while
but who could blame him?
i am just a broken kid full of sin
he was an angel
and all i do is make things painful

I don't love in half measures.
If my love were bread, it would rise too much.
If my love were a beer, it would froth over the rim.
If my love were a tire, it would burst from the pressure.
If my love were a list, it would spill off the side of the page.
If my love were a river, it would flood the valley.
If my love were a garden, it would overtake every other plant.
If my love were a fire, it would scar the earth.
If my love were a song, it would echo through the heavens.
Are you ready for that?

I'll love you in any form you take.

An anarchist with a molotov
A Jewish kid exclaiming mozel tov

A child with light up shoes
A teenage boy with anger issues

A girl with barrettes in her hair
A young man full of hot air

A beautiful boy trapped in his own mind

The most amazing man who's ever so kind

An awestruck angel full of surprises

And a puppy of all different sizes

Let the bones from my back turn to dust and fertilize the soil,
Let the ichor of my husk water the moss and ferns,
Let the hair on my head be given to the birds for their nest,
Let them make a home from my hollow skull,
Let the heart, still in my chest, be nourishment for the foxes,
Let it all return, not as it was, but as it is meant to be.

in a world so rough
you were so soft

I wonder how similar we are.
Did you have the same experiences as me?
Mom always says we are similar in our beliefs.
We don't bend over backwards for anyone.
We believe in the simple things in life.
I wish I got to know you more.
I've been thinking about you a lot, lately.
I wish you could impart your wisdom on me.
I wonder, will I befall the same fate as you?
You worked your whole life away just for it to be snatched away from you as you crossed the finish line.
I wonder if you had regrets about that, but I doubt it.
Six kids and a marriage of 40 years.
I don't know.
I hope you were right and you're sipping on a bud with the angels.

Sempre em nossos corações

When will enough be enough?
When the seed of doubt has fully bloomed?
When the clock on the wall has struck its last note?
When the thumping of the rain falls silent?
When the light of dawn breaks through the dark?
When the winds of change blow their final breath?
When the weight of silence is lifted from the room?
When the shadows fade and reveal the truth?
When the last step is taken, and the path is known?
When will the end finally meet the beginning?

You wouldn't have slowly drifted away
If you truly had meant all the promises you made

Her touch was sickly sweet poison,
Formaldehyde, cold and suffocating.

Her fingers left a trail of bad decisions
 a path I still fight to undo.
Her eyes bored into me, hungry for a taste,

and I, unguarded, reluctantly let her consume me.
She lives inside me now,

in the restless need I can’t shake,

in the cravings I never asked for,

in the lust I fight to control.
She led me down this path,

through shadows of hypersexuality,

and I wonder if you feel anything now.

Do you ******* pain,

the part of me you left behind?

I hope you hate yourself,

the way I’ve learned to hate what you made me become.

It hurts

You said you didn't like change

I told you change was good

I guess you've changed your mind

You like change now

I want to know your motives,
I want to know your ideals,
I want to know what makes your heart sing,
I want to know what makes your stomach churn,
I want to know why you feel the way that you do,
I want to know what makes you tick,
I want to learn your plans,
I wonder if you have any you haven't shared,
I wish for the day we share our time together,
I long for your hand in mine,
Our hearts swapping beats,
Our fingers entwined,
Our souls shared in each other's presence,
Our legs wrapped together,
Our bodies keeping time with one another,
Togetherness and closeness.

Kick your boots off, stay a while.
Hang your hat by the door.
Let the weight slip from your shoulders.

Wash the dust from your skin,
in the steam of my shower.
Rest your head on my chest,
I’ll tussle your hair, slow and easy.

No expectations here.
Just quiet.
Just breath.
Just us.

i hope he loves you the way i never could

Difficult.
You said i crave difficult
You said you were "difficult"
If difficult is not wanting to die
If difficult is loving myself
If difficult is happiness
If difficult is feeling butterflies in my gut
If difficult is having a future
If difficult is a german shepherd
If difficult is shared cigarettes
If difficult is soft whispers
If difficult is a reason to wake up
If difficult is a busy small apartment
If difficult is holding each other
If difficult is hours upon hours of plans
If difficult is feeling complete for once
If difficult is laughing and smiling
If difficult is a loving embrace
If difficult is a rebellious fire
If difficult is puppy kisses and tight grips
If difficult is pancakes
If difficult is an angel, you
If difficult is the love of my life
If difficult is the stars in the sky
If difficult is love letters
If difficult is puppy kisses
If difficult is sleeping soundly
If difficult is a reassuring hand
If difficult is peace
If difficult is too many blankets on the bed
If difficult is an open heart
If difficult is being yours
If difficult is us?
You're ******* right I want difficult.
Ad astra per aspera.

You threaded the needle to stitch my broken heart.
You pressed salve into wounds I dared not show.
You wrapped gauze around the blood I couldn’t stop.
You held my hand as I cried through the ache.

You kissed each bruise like a whispered promise,
Tender in your tending, patient in your care.
With your strength, I found my footing,
Together, we walked, side by side.

As you took to my wounds, I embraced yours:
A shaky hand, a trembling breath.
You welcomed the kindness, for a time,
Held my flaws,
Heard my pleas,
Rested in my presence.

But the salves began to drip,
Truth slipping through the seams.
The gauze frayed, falling to the floor,
Pain flaring where healing had begun.

The thread unraveled, stitch by stitch.
I turned to reach for you,
But your hands were busy
Mending someone else.

If only my wounds had mended
Before you treated me.

I’ll rub dirt in it next time.

I want connection without the plea,

A quiet knowing, you see me.
Not in the loud, performative way,

But in the hush of everyday.
I want safety in a soul's soft place,

Room to cry, to laugh, to misplace,

My calm, and not be cast aside,

But held, gently, while the storm subsides.
I want love that doesn’t need a stage,

But shows up anyway, day by day.

Love that’s in the dishes,

In the tangled legs,

In the bad jokes told while making eggs.
I want to come home and find you there,

Not fixing me, just being near.

Existing together in shared delight,

In morning messes and candlelight.
I want to be known, not just the face,

But all the shadows I still embrace.

Someone who’s curious, patient, true,

Who asks me questions no one else knew.
I want peace, not tiptoed dread,

Not feeling watched, or words unsaid.

But steady love, with open eyes,

With truth that never needs disguise.
I want passion, in your world and mine,

A partner who finds the time
,
To walk beside me, chase the spark,

Map constellations in the dark.
I want spontaneity, trails unplanned,

To dance in the ocean, or lie in the sand.

To hold your hand and not feel small,

To be my whole self, flaws and all.
When I'm anxious, I want your calm,

Not to fix me, just to lend your palm.

Stand with me while I learn to cope,

Rooted in love, and grounded hope.
I want space, but never distance.

Closeness with coexistence.
Not every second marked or planned,
But side by side hand in hand.

A love that grows, wild and wise,

But always finds its way back to "us" every time.

And then I sit on the branch of a tree, and things don't seem so bad.

I long for the day I can look over and see your sleeping face,
Brushing away the weight of yesterday.
Your curls framing the peace you find in your dreams
Are you dreaming of me?

The glass bottle feels better against my lips
than you ever did

I wish i sent you that letter
I wish i bought you that ticket
I wish i told you i loved you more
I wish i could see you again
I wish you could still be mine
I hope you know ill always be yours
I wish that you were here
I wish i could do something
I wish i could listen to your voice
I wish i could hold you tight
I wish i could hear you laugh

You promised me forever, forever you were mine.
As long as long as the stars would shine.
How was I supposed to know forever could burn out so soon.

you told me to forget you
how the **** am i supposed to forget the late nights and early mornings spent talking about our future
the crowded apartment and loving arms
days at the beach and nights on the roof
daydreams of playing with your hair
holding your hand
stroking your cheeks
kissing your lips
falling asleep in a tangle of arms and legs
loving each other unconditionally
as long as blood runs through my veins
ill never forget
as long as my lungs take in air
ill never forget
as long as my heart beats
ill never forget
as long as im alive
ill never forget
forever and a day

I don’t wish to be your keeper,
only to stand beside you, safe in love.
But why did everything shift so suddenly?
Was it really as sudden as it seemed,
or had the change been locked away,
poison pricked, creeping slowly through your veins?

Everything was so bright.
I had a place.
I had a home.
I had a boy I thought was my own.

But am I bound to these chains forever?
Will my past continue to stain my future?
Have I already lost my chance at love?

Let’s scream-sing half-drunk,
half-memorized lyrics to our favorite songs
at 3:33 in the morning.

Let’s nestle between fields of clover,
our laughter mixing with the night air.
Let’s bathe together, blowing iridescent bubbles,
each one a fleeting moment of magic.

Let’s climb the trees in your backyard,
feeling higher than any drug could take us,
hearts racing with the thrill of being alive.

Let’s share our souls,
the raw, unfiltered parts of us,
and be our true selves
in each other’s presence.

Let’s be,
no pretenses, no walls,
just the quiet knowing that we are enough
as we are, in this moment, together.

dont get sad get angry
dad beats you?
get angry
best friend commits suicide?
get angry
love of your life leaves you?
get angry

Give me a reason not to love you.
Give me a reason to not love the way your eyes sparkle on a sunny day.
The way your hair drifts in the breeze.
The way the corners of your mouth start to curve at the start of a stupid pun.
How i feel at rest when listening to your breathing.
How your nose wrinkles as that laugh of yours passes through my very soul.
I never thought i could fall for a shooting star.
Give me a reason not to love you.

Pluck the beating heart from my chest
Take my dignity, yeah, the rest
Take my soul and all my morals
tear my flesh from the bone
for my sins, i'll atone
take my eyes my ears my tongue
give me lashings give me stones
break every last one of my ******* bones
take my whisky take my nicotine
take my honor take my loyalty
break me hurt me torture me
but please dear God
Don't take him.

I put my wheels to the sky, left your ghost behind,

You stood there frozen, with a cross I couldn't find.

Your eyes were oceans, but you never let them drown,

We lost the light, while we were still spinning 'round.
I gave you the stars, tried to pull 'em down,

Held on through fire, held on through the sound.

But some love’s a flame, it fades to the night,

And you can’t heal what’s broken in flight.
You held me like a memory, soft and cold,

This road we walked was more than I could hold.

Now you’ve found a new sunrise to chase,

While I’m just echoes in an empty space.
I gave you the stars, tried to pull 'em down,

Held on through fire, held on through the sound.

But some love’s a flame, it fades to the night,

And you can’t heal what’s broken in flight.
I loved you like rain on a desert shore,

Now I don’t know if I can love you anymore.

Still, I won’t look back at the rivers we’ve crossed,

I’d do it again, but not at the cost.
I gave you the stars, let 'em slip through my hands,

But love's just a whisper in shifting sands.

I’ll drive through the dark, let the past be the past,
Some roads are just dreams that never last.

Goodnight mother
goodnight friends
goodnight moon
and all loose ends
goodnight pets
goodnight dad
goodnight lover
you were all i had

You still haunt my kitchen light,
Steam on the glass, I'm burnin’ rice,
Your laugh's still stuck in the cast iron pan,
Like the grip of your hands, like a half-baked plan.

We hiked through moss and grass divine,
Your boots on mine in the fumblin' climb,
You kissed like you knew you’d forget me twice,
So I bit your lip just to feel alive.

I know you want me,
But you’re busy playing ghost,
Pretendin’ you don’t miss
The things you miss the most.
I ain’t beggin’, I ain’t broke,
But baby, you can’t fake smoke.
You want me.
You just won’t let it show.

You fold your guilt like laundry sheets,
Hide my name in your Sunday heat,
You dream in moans you won’t confess,
Wake up in sweat, blame the mattress.

And me? I’m half a whiskey in,
Writing you songs you’ll never spin,
But I know you’d hum this in the dark,
Like your fingers traced my collarbone art.

I know you want me,
Though your silence plays it cool,
But I see your poker face
And raise it with the truth.
I ain’t chasing, I ain’t slow,
But darlin', heat don't lie in snow.
You want me.
You just can’t let it show.

You still cook alone with the lights down low,
Put on my playlist, let the hunger grow.
But pride is a canyon we both can’t cross,
So we hike around love, get each other lost.

I know you want me,
You just don’t know what to do,
With a heart that fits too well
And a body that remembers you.
I ain’t askin', I just know,
I’m still the ache you never outgrow.
You want me.
Even if you won’t let it show.

And I want you,
But I wish you'd let me know.

thank you for  breaking my heart into pieces, you taught me how to put myself back together.
thank you for not loving me, you taught me to love myself.
thank you for leaving me, you taught me how to find myself.

For some a heartbreak is worth a fifth of *****.
Others, a pint of ice cream.
For me, it was lots of **** last time.
But, you, you're a different kind of hurt.
The one that keeps you up at night.
The kind of heartbreak you can feel in your lungs.
Each breath becoming increasingly more difficult to take.
You are the kind of heartbreak that you never truly get over.
You are the kind of heartbreak that feels like it can only ever healed with a bullet.

I am the campfire that never dies,
burning steady through storm and silence,
warm enough to draw others close,
fierce enough to hold my ground.
My heart is a wide river,
carving through canyons with time and patience.
It overflows,
it gives,
it pulls everything it touches into it's current.
I carry laughter like a lantern,
swinging through dark places,
making shadows dance along the walls.
In my work, I am both the tree and the tool,
rooted, rough, full of potential,
shaping the world with hands that know
how to measure, how to mend,
how to bring form from chaos.
Stubborn as an oldgrowth redwood.
I bend in the wind
but I do not break.
Not because I’m unyielding,
but because I believe in what I am.
Poetry is the breath I hold underwater,
the truth that floats to the surface
when the noise fades.
It speaks in silence,
like a deer in the woods
watching, listening, knowing.
I move through nature
like a memory,
hiking trails that remember my footsteps,
fishing in still waters that mirror the sky,
hunting not for conquest
but for closeness,
for something ancient I can’t quite name.
In the car, I am wind,
untamed, unfiltered,
singing stories I don’t even realize I carry
until they escape me.

And then,
there was you.

You, who didn’t just see the flame,
but sat beside it,
added kindling,
watched it dance with wonder.
You were the echo of my own laughter,
the reflection in calm water
that looked back at me and said,
"Keep going."
You knew the language of sawdust and silence,
spoke in patience,
in presence,
in quiet belief.
With you, I wasn’t just whole,
I was seen.
Encouraged to grow without pruning.
Loved not in spite of the wild in me,
but because of it.
And then,
just as quietly as you came,
you were gone.
Not in anger, not in noise,
but like the sun slipping behind a mountain.
Suddenly,
the fire felt colder.
The woods, more still.
The echo, unanswered.
I am still the builder,
the helper,
the flame.
But now I carry your absence
like a second heartbeat,
silent,
constant,
felt in everything I create.
You are not here,
but you are not gone.
You live in the parts of me
you once believed in.
In the steady hands,
in the open heart,
in the trail I still walk alone
but never lonely.
Even in the silence,
I am still becoming.
And a part of you
is becoming with me.

It isn’t a recipe you can follow.
It isn’t a list of actions,
a choreographed dance.
Love is the wind through wind chimes,
the sunlight reflecting in eyes.
Love is the soft call of a morning bird,
cold feet and warm hands,
the aroma drifting from a bakery,
a hand on your back, tracing circles.

Love is a jagged stone,
once rough, now smooth.

I cannot explain love,
but I know it when I look in your eyes.

If freckles were angel kisses would you give me more than i have?
if bruises were faerie kisses would you make me a multicolored green blue and purple mess?
would you do me the favor of showing me how much you love me with the hurt?
let me know i mean something to you with each mark
i crave the pain and the trauma please give it to me let me feel normal again
help me to feel anything at all

I wish I could be his lips, for they are embracing yours, not mine, tonight.
I ache to be his arms, to hold you tightly and never to let go feeling your warmth and softness.
I crave to be his eyes to look at you once more, soaking in your ethereal radiance.
I long to be his chest, to have you rest your head upon me listening to my heartbeat and soft breathing, falling asleep upon me.
I yearn to be his ears, to hear your soft and poetic words as they dance around in my head once again in that special way that only you can create.
I Miss Loving You.

a thousand lies?
its chill dont worry
cheating?
its chill dont worry
jealousy?
its chill dont worry
mistrust?
its chill dont worry
disappearing for long periods of time?
its chill dont worry
pushing me away?
its chill dont worry
im slowly starting to decay?
its chill dont worry
breaking my ******* heart?
its chill dont worry
pulling the trigger on my dad's rifle?
It's chill, don't worry.

Too many mistakes,

Too many missteps,

Too many broken pieces
A thousand shattered moments,

Too many.
It won’t be your fault, mom and dad.

It won’t be your fault, lover.

It won’t be your fault, sisters, brothers, friends.

Don’t ask what you could have done,

Don’t blame yourselves for not noticing.

I’m the one who let it pour from my chest,
A sieve that cannot be undone.

Heavy, like a blanket that smothers the light,

A weight that will not lift.

But it’s mine to carry,

And yours to leave behind.

Youre just like your father she said
not knowing that she was right
just not in the way she meant
the way she meant was that he was
a spitfire
a hoodlum
the kind of kid who'd start every fight
she didnt know however that he drank cheap beer
just like his father
for the same reasons
his clammy hands clasped around the neck of the brown bottle
as if he was trying to hold on to the little bit of fight he had left in him
he smoked cigarettes just like his father
for the same reasons
the smoke burning his chest
filling the emptiness that was left there from the many lovers who took what they wanted and left
he was broken and hurting deep inside
just
like
his
father
already emotionless and hardened from the years of struggles in his life
just like his father

This is the poem I never gave you, I always promised I'd write you one but you left before I could. I could write about the way your freckles dotted upon your cheeks and nose were as numerous as the constellations, or how your wavy black hair was as captivating as the darkness of the black night sky. However, you are unlike the constellations, you are like the ocean, vast and deep but so close to us, yet vastly unexplored. Did you know we have explored more of the moon than we have of our own ocean? You resemble the ocean in that way, everyone always looks to the stars and revels in their beauty but overlook our very own deepness. You are like the ocean, you slipped through my hands like the ever-changing tide softly rocking against the beach. To bathe in your calming waters once again would quench my love for water for eternity.

Can you ******* Marlboros still?
Can you feel my hand upon your back?
Is someone else filling your space?
When you're under the covers,
do you long for me as I long for you?

I tend the fire,
stoking it with wood,
but will it consume me?
I crave its warmth,
please, don’t extinguish it.
Hold me beside it.

Little bird,
Your cage is not of my making.
Little bird,
I see the weight you carry, silent, unseen.
Little bird,
My hand is open, only if you wish to land.
Little bird,
I promise not to squeeze too tight.
Little bird,
I'd never clip your wings.
Little bird,
I’d never take your sky from you.
Little bird,
Let me build you shelter, not a cage.
Little bird,
I’ll walk beside you, not ahead.
Little bird,
I ask for nothing, only that you know,
Little bird,
You are free, even here with me.

I could never wait to get to the center
of the lollipop without biting.
Never had the patience of the kid in the commercial.
I was always the owl.
One lick to growing up too fast.
One lick to unwanted ****** scenarios.
One lick to depression.
One lick to heartbreak.
One lick to self medication.
One lick to suicide.
Lick.
Lick.
Lick.




Crunch.

You have my heart, but you aren’t here.
She has my body, because you aren’t here.

when i lay down to rest in my bed
its you who dances around in my head
you are the never ending sky
you are the best kind of high
whole days spent on the phone
you make me feel not alone
i hope you feel this in your chest
and never forget that i tried my best
i want to feel your arms around me
holding falling drowning
an eternal abyss
unadulterated bliss
you were the one good with words
i miss you
Longing.