I want you to crush me
light me up
and breathe me in.
Inhale
and hold me
in your breath
until I burn holes
in your lungs.
And then hold me some more.
I want you to mourn for me
as you exhale
and I dance
in ripples and rings
my way into the atmosphere.
I will sail
through endless schools of stars
like a lost fish
in a foreign sea
trying to find my home.
And maybe it's
just a few galaxies
away
or in an
entirely different universe
altogether.
But until I find it
I'll wander
free.

(I'll miss you)


*s.mndi

"Can't she see it? She needs me."
I spoke with frustration and anger. I whimpered with longing.

"She can't see anything yet. She isn't looking."
He spoke with a confidence that was calming. He spoke like he knew.
Like God himself had let him in on a little secret he was struggling to keep.

"I would love her."
I pouted like an impatient infant.

"You will love her when she needs you to."
He smiled like a father comforting his impatient infant.

"And?" I pleaded. I needed more.

"Be sure she is what you need too."

And with that, he vanished.


*s.mndi

poor girl, you're still not seeing it. your sight is selective beyond all repair. but it's not your fault. you only know what you've experienced. you're only seeing what you choose to see. where is your moment of clarity? where is your light bulb, your bright idea? you are only seeing with your eyes but close them
breathe deep
and reflect.
until it all makes sense to you. until you have that piece of mind you so crave.

dig deeper and tell me what you see.


*s.mndi

"What's wrong?"
The voice whispered

"What's not?"
I whispered back
in a drunken state of remorse.

"Is it your fault?"
The voice slipped through the darkness
like breath slips through the harsh cold.

"Yes. All of it."
A nod was all I had left to give.
A nod
and then a bang
against the wall
leaving my skull a little sore.

"Tell me something. Do you blame the trees for losing their leaves? Would you say it is the moons fault she runs from the sun? Is it the poor clouds fault they sometimes need to let go and pour out all that they've been storing inside?"

"You cannot blame the seasons for changing,"
I huffed in frustration.

"And you, my dear, change as swiftly as the seasons."


*s.mndi

The urge
to off
the beast
inside
grows as the days
roam on.

The sleek metal
begins to shine
drawing my eyes
to its four
lovely
points.

An attempt
to tempt me.

The rushing water
starts to sing
a siren's tune
as it fills
the pearly tub.

My eager ears
cannot ignore.

With all my self control
I make a deal with myself.

It will not be done
by my own hand
but
if perhaps
an accident does occur,
so let it.

Like maybe
I'll stop wearing my seatbelt
or looking both ways
before crossing the streets
or I'll talk to strangers
or I'll take too many pain killers
in an attempt to **** the pain.
(I know it won't)

I'll simply forsake the struggle
and leave it up to Death
to take care of the rest.

Living has become a hassle.


*s.mndi

There is a brief moment
between when you wake up
and
when you come to.
And in this moment
sleep lingers.
The dream has not yet ended.
What was happening in your dream
is what you still know to be true.

Last night, I dreamt she loved me.
She was mine, she told me so.
Now even if I never hear those words
in reality,
I still have the memory of how they sounded
in my sleep.

When I awoke
for that moment
she was still
mine.

That moment of bliss
before the cruel joke
the realization
sunk in.

I rolled over with a bitter refusal
to let her go
any further.
I went back to sleep
with the hope
to wake up
back in whatever world it was
where she was mine.


*s.mndi

Do not deny me the simple privilege of expressing to you all the truths that I see. The pleasure in speaking my feelings. I need to tell you that you are beautiful. I need to say it.
I need to put it out there into the world and hear it.
I need to remind you, as well as myself, how lucky I am to be staring at something so divine.
Because oh god, you are what beauty is.
In every sense and tense of the word.
You are now,
were yesterday,
and will be tomorrow
a creature forged by the godly hands of Aphrodite
in all her glory.
A gift to all around you.
A pleasure to look at,
to speak to,
to think of.
You are a vision and I'd like you to know that.


s.mndi