I view it blank unforgiving a monster once I beat like some dog now it only mocks what once was.

I never dreamed I would be on the outside looking in .
A begger to my own banquet.

I was the stud now I'm simply the joke the forgotten bedfellow to the nights when they thought passion could be consumed .

Now im a after thought to them a old soul and mistaken detour I knew them in ways they only regret and I just exist all the same.

Where did it leave like some drunken passenger who missed the train I sit unsure of the road I paved .

The page never needed you .
She will find passion in the depths of a strangers embrace .

Should I pull the trigger?
Why when she did so for me so long ago.

I breathe in the past it smells of decay and bad choices.

There's no road map to success
But there's a million ***** waiting For you to fail.

Life is a tragic comedy one where the punchlines stale as the air in this room


We will all be replaced sooner or later .

It was just another night people slept in beds together and some slept alone .
Others shared beds wishing only to roll over to find another .

I never slept at night so my wants never truly seemed to matter.
Great men lose everything and know misery like some mistress kept across town.

I never cared for love .
It was something that seemed only to **** you while giving you just enough to grasp sanity .

A head above water is still half towards a murky grave .
We will all know temptations they appear welcome as a mirage on the vast empty plane .

You can read all you will and never fully grasp the truths in between.
I have chased the night far to long.

Maybe tonight I will simply sleep
And do so ever so pleased to be alone .

She played me as always her lies had become a constant and I no longer questioned if they were truths anymore.

She needed to look down on someone the spoiled always do .
Once I was her fix to ******* daddy now I was simply her crutch .

Look at what I tolerate he's a drunk
He is lazy won't work all he does is stay out all night he's such a *******!

She needed someone to blame someone to make her appear less of a train wreck than she truly was.

She was a first rate **** .
Maybe that's why I liked her so very much.

She always was the victim of a nonexistent crime .
The lover of empty words .
And the destroyer of mine.

There's no hell just people trapped inside prisons of there own creation.
Mind **** ******* like myself misreble and doing nothing to change the course.

It was one in the morning when the phone rang.
Hey can I come over she asked .
I've really missed you I'm sorry I've been such a ***** .

I paused for a moment saying nothing I simply hung up and took the phone off the hook.

Looks like I decided to take another road instead .

I remember shooting up in the alley between the old library and the church it wasn't poetic, it was a fix and nothing more.

I remember meeting Jesus and asking him why he was so full of ****?
Why cities burned and madmen killed?

He said it wasn't his problem.
The devil cried and was cast away for his tears.

The gun had become truth and the lies had become gospel.
The junkies became a test subject for the futures asylums residents.

I laid down feeling the cold of the street and the warmth of the fix.

I asked for a reason and the ******* gave none he just asked me to share what I could not control.

Why? is not a question for life
simply duck your head and follow
Follow to marriage, follow to war, follow to death.

**** without question and feed the lost vice.

I never spoke to him again but I never would be ever that person who shot up again either.

I didn't need pages to guide me.
As I write my own answers I ask no guidance from empty skies.

Maybe their anger will keep me warm.

But maybe it wasn't my problem to begin with.

The western horizon
points me a new direction
tomorrow I will be nowhere
as I am today.
Half to sunset, another round
some pills to chase the pain
sunrise warmth and
another I soon wont recall.

I clocked on in around
I'll never forget, the sun
in my eyes with *** and sin
spread all over my regrets
Little white pills
like lollies under my tongue
Sunset on horizon spreading
another day has begun

By another's demise I paint the scenes like watercolors in a perfection unseen it's never the thought that kills you.
Simply the lack of imagination that leaves you stranded.

An old wreck and soon to be dinosaur
I have to keep moving or I will fade like all the rest.
Surrounded by ghosts and stick thin memories,
Sipping marrow from brittle bones,
choking on the dust

I want to gaze at the horizon
and never see another sunset
because, honestly, that fiery ball
of hunger and regret
gets to go to bed each night
and let's the day forget

There are miles I will continue to fathom losing bits of myself along the way
In the dust of mile posts nothing remains

Just scorched earth and bad memories.

I never believed in luck just simply cast my fate to the waters and forgot it's direction.
There's a dead promise in chasing others perception of yourself.
It breathes a summer nights existence no breeze of jasmines scent to relive .

I awoke today to see  the bottle empty my hand sliced open a pool of dried blood a reminder this **** is so far from controlled I have become a monster the clock is ticking and my time is borrowed at best .

I don't ******* know how to put on the breaks it was never in my process of thought to begin with.
All my idols are corpses.

The brightest flame only burns for a spilt second before life extinguishes it and leaves it not even recognizable to it's former self.

I began my day as all the rest.
Why fear what you cannot avoid to begin with?
I cleaned up swept the glass and buried my thoughts within myself.

Ignoring the page was the worst crime of them all.
And I was guilty on all counts

no one gifted me
this insane personality
I own it on my own

I hate where it takes me
to places I don't want to be
leaving parts of me
that should have been alone

Except it seems to be stiched
upon my lips
weaved by my fingertips
it's sewn inside my pocket
Stitches that itch
every time I breathe
I wish someone would pick
apart the grief that it brings
tightly stiched inside the woven

Oh how you could read me
in sign language that could swear
in the interim of lips not moving
could we just dance?

Bodies that bump in the night
shake a world so fragile
it would shatter
Pale crescent moonlight
seeks a perfect light
expelling it's sigh into
**Dark Matter

Rewards and scars gather up as hours collect my thoughts to gather in a lonely room.
Bladed cuts and screaming
haunt me silently
in the unmasked gloom

No skeletons in closet for demons keep me warm we often look for solace and I simply another line .  But the storms outside offer little silence and long is the night ahead.

The darkness stretches
in pale lines, etching bone in its loneliness
Tracing patterns of lightening against a dark tempest
I sit and wonder why
I sit so alone inside my head