When you feel uncomfortable in your own skin,
what then?

In Florida sometimes it rains so hard
that you believe that it can't possibly stop,
that it will just rain and rain forever.

Sometimes I'd wake to a storm late at night,
and I'd sit out on the porch.

You could smell the lightning, and the coolness of the storm would
make your hair stand;
I'd feel so alive.

Some nights I'd go out, and my father
would be sitting on the porch already.
Lost in the storm
or maybe
called to it.
We wouldn't talk,
but we'd be lost together
in the rain and thunder.

Sometimes I wonder what of him
is left in me.
I am not sure
if I am more afraid of there being
very little
or of there being a great deal,
but when it rains
I think about him on that porch;

One night,
while on some tremendously great acid.
I watched the snow fall,
ever so softly,
illuminated by street lights.
It was the most beautiful thing,
I'd ever seen.
And truly,
it had very little to do with the drugs.
It was beautiful because...
Because I was there,
and because it was real.

Today I realized,
how important it was
to value the little things
those little small tiny moments.
I'm not talking about moments with  friends or family,
or your significant others,
i'm talking about the little unnoticeable moments
that we all made
to..ourselves

from the moment the sun wakes us up,
to the way the sun shines it rays on our face,
and to the way we groan about how annoyed we are but than we thank the sun anyways
to the way we look at ourselves in the mirror just to give a peek on our morning face,
(we've always known how terrible we look but still we give it another chance, who knows, we might get lucky and look super incredible that morning)
and to the way we walk to the bathroom with our bathing towel on our left or right shoulder,
to the way our hip sway, from left to right,
when in the toilet, we took another peek of our morning face again , just to feed the hunger of our curiosity,
to the way we choose what to wear on that day.
everything single little things we do is beautiful
and what more do we need ?

Do not trust boys
who kiss you in your drive way.
If they can't make it to the front door
there must be something wrong.

I have had many first kisses in my driveway
and every boy that has given me one
has turned out sour.
Do not trust boys who kiss you in your drive way.

If they are too lazy to walk the extra ten feet to your front door
then they are most likely too lazy to walk
the extra mile in a relationship.
Effort is key my friend.

I cannot bare to stand in my driveway.
Memories come flooding in
from this boy and that.
Do not trust boys that kiss you in your driveway.
Trust me on that.

There is something you will come to realise.
Somewhere between regularly scheduled doctor checkups.
Between first credit cards and first credit card debt.
Somewhere around the second or maybe third serious ex.
Some time after the pipe and several dreams.
Long after all those half-cocked convictions
Declaring who and what and how exactly you will be.
A tad older and only slightly wiser.
Always late to funerals and early at parties.
You are a recovering introvert and you'll relapse, often.
You will always try to be ten degrees from the center of attention.
In fact, your want to be needed often supersedes your senses.
You love often, recklessly, but also selflessly.
Do nearly anything for a smile.
You will sometimes be too quick to anger.
Yet someone's tears will always make you soften.
At times, hurt others with a carelessly uttered half thought.
Balanced well by your excessive apologetic nature
and your undying compulsion to be liked.
You will learn the weight of giving your word
and the cost of failing to keep it too.
You will meet friends that feel like family.
And have times when family feels foreign.
But soon understand either is exactly worth
However much you are willing to invest.
Know that you will still have demons hiding around town.
In the end, we must slay our own monsters.
Be our own heroes.
Because ourselves are the only true thing.
We might be this for eternity
or maybe just this sliver.
All the more reason to try.
People improve in shades and moments.
It's a world of entropy and decay.
It's also a world of birth and hope.
A struggle sure, but one towards improvement.
Always try to be a better self than you are.
Because you are all you have.
Take care. It will be ok.

Today
I took a shower.

The monsoon drummed
agaist my body,
waking all my organs up
and shaking them into place.

The steam
opened
up my pores,
pouring out impurities.
All that negativity
like strands of black hair
getting caught in the drain grate,
refusing to be irrelevant
but now not knots
in my back.

All of a sudden,
my lungs
remembered how deeply they could breathe.

The geyser hummed a solid
Aum
through my spinal cord,
charging up my brain
with little sparks.

My distressed skin,
scarred by stress-induced scratches,
stings and tingles
as if to say,
'Please, no more'
and I sigh in complacency.

There is something so ***** in being drenched.
Maybe you forget you
and who you have become
and what the world has shown you.
Maybe your molecules feel
connected to the earth again.
Newborns are 75 percent water after all.

Today,
I took a shower
that reminded me to savour
the life in me
and in doing so,
save myself
from myself.