All the boys are beautiful shadows with razors in their lungs
we want to be chosen by their gem stone eyes
but they’re scared to be beaten

They have forbidden bottles under their beds
pretty boys with herbs in their sleeves
adventures on their eyelids

Seeing the pain of the world and being forced to look away
all they know is to worship the nights
avoiding everything painful

There’s a beautiful secret lying on the tip of their tongue
we hear the same voices in our heads
still our softness stays a threat

We’re outlawed and hunted by them like witches
they’re intimidated by our richness
craving to touch our waists

I strip myself of these tattered clothes,

And dig my feet into the earth below.

Breathing out my hidden identity,

For in this breath, I can be free.

At a young age,

To the moon I would plea,

To undo these shackles chained to this alternate reality.

Save my soul,
And bury me with the moon.

It will all be over soon.

Taste the lies
On the lips
Of your lover

Tell me it isn’t delicious
The saltiness of lust
And the sweetness of pain

Tell me how you betrayed me
The way your lips move taunt me
They make me shake

I love hearing you say things
The vibrations of your voice
Take the thoughts of longing away

Kiss my hips
Kiss my chest
My lips

Tell me you love me
Even if its just lust
I want your lies

They fuel the fire
Of passion
In me

Even if its all
Just a fantasy

nightgown floors
episodic
pulses in knots
spread your pink punk drama
like the blossoms on the streets
china town
red lights
i bite off more than i can take

pink flowers blend with my toes, contrasting the
gray like my lungs and my ceilings and your breath
like black nail polish mangled in your wired beard
trying not to puncture the glass balloon you shoved me in

cracked lips you used to mend
never gently, but blissfully
lie open, yearning, screaming
my once yellow kisses burn blue with remembrance

i text you asking
how life has been
after not speaking
for months
but
it feels like centuries

but when i ask
how its been
what i really
mean is

do you still have
that CD i gave you
after you dropped me
off at my house
after a night of playing
beneath the sheets
and roaming through
the veins of each others bodies

do you play the CD
while you are on tour
stuck in that small van
with nothing but
your own thoughts
to keep you sane

do you touch the CD
and feel my soft skin
as if i am right there

when you play the CD
does it skip a beat
just like
my heart does every time
i hear your voice on the radio

i guess what i am trying to say is

i miss you, do you miss me?

we give
we take
we love
we hate
we're here
we're there
we do
don't care
we're up
we're down
we're in
we're out
we yes
we no
we do
we don't
we stop
we go
we to
and fro
we lose
we find
make up your mind

we're slaves
we're free
we're make
believe
we toss
we keep
we're shallow
we're deep
we run
we hide
we live
we die
we show
we tell
about
ourselves
we're old
we're young
we're smart
we're dumb
we're all
one kind
make up your mind

we're hot
we're cold
we're scared
we're bold
we're nickels
and dimes
we're cruel
we're kind
we avert
we stare
we truth
we dare
we laugh
we cry
we're dull
we shine
we're real
we're fake
we pie
we cake
bitter truth
sour lies
make up your mind

I was just a boy. I hated myself.

I had to be perfect. I hated myself.

Everyone loved me. I hated myself.

I was popular. I hated myself.

I had lots of friends. I hated myself.

My family loved me. I hated myself.

I was condemned to hell by my Baptist upbringing. I hated myself.

I dated girls. I hated myself.

I attempted suicide. I survived. I hated myself.

I came out. I struggled. I tried to love myself.

I met my best friend, my soulmate. He taught me to love myself.

He was murdered. I was destroyed.

I gave up religion. I accepted myself. I tried to love myself.

I mourned. I learn(ed). I battl(ed) depression. I suffer(ed) anxiety. I  accepted myself.

I tried to love myself.

I was fat. I hated myself.

I was too gay. I hated myself.

I was ugly. I hated myself.

I was unlovable. I hated myself.

A 17 year love crushed my soul. I tried, and failed, at loving myself.

I got ***. I hated myself.

I was successful. I tried to love myself.

I traveled the world. I was the consummate extrovert, the life of the party. I loved myself.

I fell in love. He killed himself. I was destroyed. I hated myself.

Am I unworthy of love? I hated myself.

I pour myself into helping others. Do I love myself?

I keep trying. I keep living.

Somedays are good. Somedays not so much.

Somedays I love myself. Somedays not so much.