do you have moments, where you can’t imagine a future?
you’re lying there, staring at the
same walls
same ceilings
same words
with nothing but the same feelings-
empty and pale,
like there’s no reason to go on,
when you can’t even do enough to fail.
the future is coming, but you don’t want to be in it,
can’t imagine yourself in it.
where you just want to stop.
everything.
and just sit there for a while.
maybe not death, as that’s too permanent,
but something close to it.
when you can feel the rope around your neck,
the razor on your wrist,
the way the pills taste.
you can imagine it, and you aren’t sure if it’s what you want,
or just the feelings you imagine it will give you

You are so lovely as the Moon.
I am so Bright as the Sun.
Waiting now for the Eclipse.

when i was young,
i thought my tears
would nourish roses.
now that i'm older
i know they will
drown sorrows.

let them mis-
understand,
never try
to explain,
if one looks
for problems,
they'll find it
everywhere.

2014

I met an angel sent from god

We fell in love, we planned our wedding, our future

But the last mission the angel needed to accomplish

Was leaving me

And I can’t thank god enough

And I spent years crying over people who could not love me enough, only to realize I was one of them.