His blue eyes have darkened
I know what this means
The man I love is breaking
Traveling
He's on his way
To another place
Where sanity breaks
I step back and prepare for his cries
Cries of desperation to know himself once more
He's here but not
Himself yet another
Lost behind a mesh curtain
Disturbing his veiw of what's real
I see him still
Part way here
And I am frightened
My selfish desires to have him return
I yell and scream inside my head
Searching for a way to make him see that I am right in front of him
That he is still inside somewhere
I worry for us
That it will never be as it once was
My self-obsessed needs
To be free of the person he is not
His anguish is destroying him
Destroying me
I am changing
I'm losing myself
My desperation with the seperation of self
It's tearing me apart
My selfish heart
I need him back to show me that I am not alone
I want this over
I want his strength to return home
I need him back
As he was
Obsessed with me

The first time he saw me
He saw a kaleidoscope of colors
A rainbow of light
He says I am divinity
His angel
Sent from above
For him and him only
He says how he needs me
Oh,
he needs me
I hear him when he tells me
I am his saving grace
I will be his salvation
Making him stronger
I am all he desires
He says my vibrance will help him grow
He will live for me
For eternity
He loves me
keeps me
holds me so tight
He uses me
He abuses me
My pain brings him colors and light
He says I shine brighter
with every tear I shed
He wants a whole rainbow
He wants a picture book
A movie in color
He wants to paint the world with my hues
He holds me tighter
He pulls my hair
The more pain I feel
The more brightness he sees
The more strength he receives
The colors become droplets
Puddles
Then rivers
And lakes
He loves me so deeply
He knows I'm his to take
His hands move seductively up my body
Trying to find new shades to add to his palette


Red
His hands clench my throat

Orange
Rougher

Yellow
And tighter

Green
He squeezes so hard

Blue
Crushes completely

Purple
I crumble to the floor

Once he sees that I have broken
He gets on his knees
He slurps the puddles of sorrow from the floor
Little pips
and tiny pops
He follows
Drinking in the rainbow stream
A splat and a plop
a bit of a boggle
He sputters out sparkle
shimmer
And glitter
He begins to bulge
belly squiggling
As his throat widens
He parts his lips

What comes out is a
Hiss.

Anything
Everything
You can get through it

I am the light
Come,
find me

Darkness surrounds
Your mind
Buried
Deep
Under the earth's soil

Shadows exposed across the walls
A man with an axe
A guillotine
A dark angel broken in half

Come find me

Ebony skies
Charcoal clouds above
No stars in sight
It's a moonless night(mare)
You can't see where the path leads

Come to me

Fear of falling pulls you back
You can't move
Frozen in place
Terrified

When you fear me,
The light
You will never see

When you fight through your fear
The black will begin to fade

Opening your eyes
You see it
your true self

Dark as can be
Clever
And callous
Full of nothing but malice

Or...

Frightened
Yet caring
Empathetic
And strong?

A tiny step forward
Your journey begins
Slowly but surely
You're finding your light

Within

darkness of my spirit

light will not bestow

sparks from my heart

transformed into ash

my once enlightened mind

dreams no more