stillhuman

stillhuman Dec 2020

2020

a daunting friend
you have been
but as you get up and leave
all I really feel is thankful glee

Reference to the wonderful song "Daunting Friend" by Lost in the trees. I wish all you wonderful, sensitive people the most amazing year you can have.

#2020 #newyearseve #newyear #2021 #future #reflections #past

stillhuman Dec 2020

Mannequin

It's harder for my lungs
to open up to new air
when you're here
than when you're not

After all your presence takes
all the space I used to shape
to fit my own self
my own taste

Instead you force me
into a mold you've created
Force my body to fit
my mind to submit
my patience to coexist
with things I never wanted
A life not made for me

I'm just one of your mannequins
to pass the time
when people disappoint you
life doesn't go your way
your choices don't matter
so that you can shape me
into your own frustrations
and smother my essence

I'm just one of your mannequins
and
now
that you've left
I don't fit
in myself.

I was in love with a girl once who didn't love me back. She made me feel inadequate but also the best, most unrealistic version of myself

#ideals #unhealthy #relationships #mannequin #inadequacy #imperfection #idealization #person #human

stillhuman Dec 2020

Feet planted, hope lost

We'll waste it all
For an automatic bomb
We'll forsake it all
For a cold human's wish
We will lose
For standing still

stillhuman Dec 2020

Conversation

My eyes are fixed on you
while you give a little
of yourself away
to me
in small fragments of memory
and I'm captivated
by your voice recalling
simple moments, harsher stories,
funnier realities
and all at once
the air feels clean
and bright and fresh
like a breath of spring
in the December cold
that sparks
with our connection.

I can't help it, it feels like spring when I'm with you

#conversations #connection #understanding #friendship #muse #love

stillhuman Dec 2020

Codependency

My skin has melted
in the shape of your core
and I move
like a shadow
right beside you.

I've felt more like a shadow than anything else.

#codependency #stuck

stillhuman Dec 2020

Again, I feel

So I stranded
on the island of the lost
Someone "here your heart be mended
if you stay and pay the cost"

Salty and black tears
in open sea they flow for years
Decades lost trying to forget,
memories themselves hard to get

The isle is warm
but beings stay torn
For it is a mere rite of turn
barely enough time to learn

Barely enough time to grow

#movingon #growingup #choices

stillhuman Dec 2020

The mirror of the past and the truth

An empty crown
Stands on my head

And a young girl
With big dreams
And cocky smile
Looks up at me

yet my crown is cracking
hollow as my mind
as i whisper

"Im sorry I couldn't make it"

The use, or lack thereof, of capital letters is an artistic choice. After all poetry is as sensible and malleable as clay.

#growingup #adulthood #childishdreams #expectations #disappointements