I feel loved
When a handshake
Somehow turned into a hug

I feel loved
When we talk over
Coffee and massages

I feel loved
When we put our warm hands
On each other’s arms and backs

I feel loved
When this nightmare looms,
But we have found a place to say
“Welcome home”.

We sat on the stairs and watched it all,
Our own personal illegal space.
Slow, mellow strums, our hearts beat
Silently, curbing words we’ll never say.

Our cameras stared and captured it all,
The stage from the same ledge, same lens,
You left first because I couldn't speak your tense.

you and i are just like mirrors of each other,
or like two parallel lines that run together that never intersect.

we are both lights. we are too bright.
that is why we are not made for each other.

we are made for the darkness.
we are chained to pain and heaven has clipped our wings.

now it is your turn to be wrapped in shadows,
and all i can do is hold your hand,
saying all the things you wished to hear,
cautiously calling out your name,
hoping that you can hear me from the depths of your abyss…

I'm retracing the steps you once took,
The remnant of sepia shadows that was once here,
To understand what this art really means to you.

In front of me, a random grass patch where you once lay
Now lies abandoned for puppies to roll and tourists to pose
I am sitting here seven years too late,
Born too late to meet him, who now sleeps in the soil,
But not too late to breathe the same air as you.

So let’s dance and create our own footprints,
I promise I'll immortalize our shadows,
Engrave your words in my heart,
Etch your name like these memorials on the stone.

Now that I'm here, I promise you that
Nothing shall be erased by the wind,
Nobody will say that “it is forgotten”.

All magic disappears
When the truth settles in
I dreamt of something fleeting
But forgot it shattered a long time ago.

I can see it in your gray eyes that we are not the same,
You have heavier steps, darker shadows, a sadder smile,
While I am benched on the sidelines, a few years too late,
And a billion lightyears away.

These white lights shine too bright for my

poor dead eyes, and the man’s ramblings, he

held my eardrums hostage. Then came a sudden squall, she

engulfed me in one heck of a waterfall.


Faint moonlight peeked at the end of a musty, darkly lit stairwell we

saw each other and laughed at our equally drenched clothes, our

wet hair. As sewer rats, we scurried to rescue potted plants, we

whipped *****, thuds on white walls, with sticks and knives and all. We

rolled on the floor and nearly got concussions, sprained ankles. I

remembered how to fall again, to do it all in one fell swoop.


I know my body was mine, but now it is also yours, so we

danced, barefoot, twirled in our arms, caught each other, ate our

mother’s mooncakes while the storm rages on somewhere, outside. We

smiled, mouths full with black sesame, white lotus, egg yolks, our

laughter echoing under this gentle white light, upon this warm wood.

This conversation spins nothing, but this means everything to me.


We walk under the damp, stale, starless sky, remnants of the squall. You

suddenly proclaimed that all stars have gathered for me,

and it is my stage, my game now, so I

went home smiling despite it all. You

don’t know that this mid-autumn night was all I ever dreamed of.

Ugly, ugly, ugly, feelings that were once yours but now mine

you have a life bigger than mine, and it used to be the opposite

like how you used to want to own me, now i want you for myself.

I wonder what you will feel if I tell you my true, ugly thoughts now.

This is madness, years of staying by each other’s sides,

It is time we part. I must accept you have a different life now.

Ugly, ugly, ugly thoughts and feelings that made me write this prose,

Disappear, disappear, disappear. This is

Ugly, ugly, ugly.