I take a pill
Every night
Before bed
And it keeps away
The panic
The compulsions
The stress
The perfectionism
The drive
The desire for excellence
The 4.0 student
Everything that was
Killing me
And
Creating me
So, now I have to decide
Is it worth it?

When I was five,
my mother told me I was loved.
Years later, she asked me to leave because
I was the reminder of the gruesome past that haunted her.

When I was ten,
my father told me he believed in me.
Years later, he refused to accompany me because
I was an embarrassment to him in front of the society.

When I was fifteen,
my friends told me I was funny.
Years later, they all laughed at me because
I was the gullible teenager who fell for their flawless façade.

When I was twenty,
this guy said I was beautiful.
Years later, he trashed me, tormented me because
I was ignorant enough to overlook my inevitable flaws.

So, sorry for not believing in you,
for questioning your intentions, inclusively, in-depth
when you told me you loved me because
I didn’t want to wind up years later,
learning it the hard way that people often don’t mean what they say.

You can say I'm nobody,
But I am something, I'm not a body,
I bring in a force, not of reckoning,
I don't have the devil by the horns
I'd rather scorn those who sit so serious.
We can burn down this city,
Torch the town to ash with me
But only to laugh that it really hit the ground
Don't worry, we are all survivors, all around.
I don't need your money, don't insult my mind.
I'm a soldier of a different kind.

You can say I'm nobody,
In a sea of passing people populating a plot
Because the train for me just doesn't stop,
Time doesn't move for me and it doesn't not
I'm here like you with a name attached
But from me to you, I'm just a faceless man
I'm not special, I didn't participate,
I didn't do good or great and most of your demons,
I am nobody, so how could I relate?

I could say you are nobody,
Or we can shake hands and be now known.
We can discuss our interests, the lives we've grown.
We can be special in a sense that I made you so,
We can have heated discussions making time slow
Or laugh until the sun dawns then sets.
But truly i must admit,  I'm in a hurry and must be going.
Sincerely,
a nobody someone almost met.

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.