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Kelsey Oct 2018
I've had a cold
For a week

I got mad at my body,
"Why dont you just heal yourself or die at this point?!"

I realized
I've been saying the same thing

To my mind
For years.
Kelsey Oct 2018
Our love
Is deeper than the surface

Deeper than the flesh
Deeper than the heart

Our souls, connected
By time and space

A single entity
Of endless possibility
My love for you is of a universal truth.
Kelsey Oct 2018
When im anxious
I want to drink
I want to cut my wrists
Release these stressful thoughts
In the form of
Whiskey
and blood

I took some Ativan
Ive been prescribed
longer than a normal person should
Because its a benzo
And that ***** addicting
And I know that
Because I have a nursing degree

But still I think about mixing
The benzo
And the whiskey
With some blood
When im anxious

Because when im anxious
Rational thought
Is a thing in the past
Gasping for air
Feels like choking on glass
I am now physically sick
But my doctor insists
"Its just stress"

When Im anxious
I think about killing myself
But wouldnt that be typical?
Follow in his footsteps.
I can hear the chatter now
"She was never going to make it"
"Why would she do that to herself?"

Is this real?
Or my paranoia?
Because when im anxious
It all feels the same

I think I would die in vain
If I take my life
When im anxious
Depression and anxiety has bren a constant struggle for me. Im at a point in my life where i dont know which was is up snd which way is fown. Poetry has helped me alot. Even if it doesnt make sense. Even if the poems arent good. I let my mind speak, and thats something.
Kelsey Sep 2018
How long does it take?
To accept yourself.
To look in the mirror
And say...
It's okay
To be who you are
It's okay
To stop pretending
Like you're okay
Oh, K...
How long does it take?
Waiting for that day where I have the courage to face who I am and not live up to others expectations except my own
Kelsey Sep 2018
I am alive
In harmony with nature
The trickle of rain drops
Bounce off the orange and yellow leaves.
To soak my feet
In the damp field of green blades.
To sink my back
In the silence of the soil.
Inhale and exhale
To the beat of dancing thunder.
Cleanse my body with your beautiful, mysterious tears
Mother Earth,
I am your body
Mother Earth,
You are my soul
Kelsey Aug 2018
I dont know if this job is right for me

"Stick it out for a few months, you will change your mind!"

There's so many other things that I want to do with my life that dont involve this.

"Youre making good money, keep at it, its a great career!"

I cant deal with this stress any longer

"You just started, it will get better in a few months"

My depression and panic attacks are at an all time high

"Have you been taking your medicine? I think youll feel better about this job if you keep taking your pills"

I dont want this. This is not what i signed up for. I need to stay true to myself. This cannot be my life.

"You already spent so much time getting your degree! You can do this FOREVER! I'm so proud of you, I brag to everyone I know!"

Are you even listening?
No...
No one is.
Kelsey Aug 2018
I cannot breathe

My nostrils caving in on themselves
The sensation of impaling arrows piercing my chest

My body is heavier than it was
A minute ago
When I wasnt thinking
About
My breathing.

Twidling fingers
The twitch of my jaw
Restless legs: a mind of their own

This bed doesnt feel as comfortable
As it did
When I wasnt thinking
About
Relaxing.

"Just breathe"
"Its all in your head"
"Sink into the mattress"
"Dont look at how late it is"

My mind is much louder now
Than it was
When I wasnt thinking
About
My anxiety.
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