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slr Sep 2019
*******
for everything you said to me
all the dreams you told me
all the lies you fed me
disguised as caring
i knew from the beginning who you were
but i refused to see it
i refused to see the flashing red lights and the blaring sirens
now the only lights i see are the ones on the ambulance
the sires pulsing in my ears
the medics screaming for me to hold on
i am slipping in and out of consciousness
and you don't even care
*******
I let myself trust a guy that seemed perfect. But he ended up leaving. He said I drank too much and didn't care about school. Then he said I wasn't spiritual enough for him. The sad thing is, I drink on the weekends with my friends. That's it. And as a Christian to another Christian, you should want to grow with me, not want me at a certain level. That isn't Christianity.
slr Sep 2019
i finally lost [some of] it
but 15 isn't enough
i want 115
i want to shrink away
into nothingness
i want to stop feeling
all of this pain
i don't want to keep doing this
and losing it is the easiest way
i've struggled with eating disorders for a while now. and i can feel myself going back to old, toxic habits. but, i don't want to stop it. because maybe if i plunge in headfirst, he will come back to me.
  Sep 2019 slr
Anna Patricia
You break me in two.
Then you tell me that you don't
Want a broken girl.
slr Jan 2019
Are you're doing it in a healthy way?
Are you watching what you eat?

Yeah.. That's why I didn't have a bun with dinner.

What I didn't tell her is that watching what I eat means
watching what i would normally eat sit on the shelf
watching what i would normally eat go to others
watching what i would normally eat shrink off my body

She says I've gotten smaller
My coworkers say I've gotten smaller

I don't see it

When someone asks if I've eaten I just avoid the topic or say I've had enough

If someone is concerned I laugh and say "I'm back on my anorexic *******"
slr Nov 2018
“I’m sad.”
“Why?”
“She gets more likes on Instagram than I do.”

“I’m happy.”
“Why?”
“I have a bed to sleep on.”

“I’m sad.”
“Why?”
“My parents won’t buy me a car.”

“I’m happy.”
“Why?”
“I have food today.”
Why not be content with today?
slr Nov 2018
I love you
But you will never know
Because I am too afraid
Of myself
Messing it up again
So I won't
Tell you.

Not yet.
Maybe one day.
Maybe one day
You will see it.

Maybe one day
We could be together.
Who knows
slr Oct 2018
i’m afraid
you’ll find me
crazy
for loving you
too hard
too fast
too much
i want you
to know
all my thoughts
but i’m scared
you’ll run
I love broken poetry like this
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