if you think writing about you
makes you the one in power
then you are so wrong cause'
you are just another piece
of my unsung song.

if you think leaving you
makes me constantly sad,
then you are so wrong cause'
you are just another story
that I left unsaid.

I could never be disappointed in you
The moon and stars shy away when you come out
The sun envy’s your smile
So do I
You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me
I could never be disappointed in you

Time flies
In forty three days
I'll be eighty five
but I've been feeling old
since I was seventy nine
It's hard to concentrate
all the time
with this mind of mine

Beat me down and make me feel worthless.
Act as if I mean nothing.
Act as if I’m not human.

In the end it doesn’t matter.
In the end only my opinion matters.

So call me names.
Use your fists.
Stab me in the back.
Do what you wish.
It is pointless in the end.

I have my opinion.
One you will never change.

Tell me I’m worthless!
Tell me I mean nothing!
Tell me I will never matter!

Your words and fists may affect me shortly,
but in the end…

ONLY MY OPINION MATTERS!

In my darkest hours or in my brightest light ,in my sadder days as well as my happy ones I will be there for you.

During my sorrow or through my joy, through my anguish or through my pain I will be there for you.

As I grow old and my strength weakens, I will be there for you.

When my mind fades and my vision isn't as sharp in my heart I will be there for you.

How can you remember anything
when you’ve turned off your mind
How can you experience anything
when your heart is silenced?

How can you know who you are
when you’re a people pleaser
Smiling fasley
Averting your eyes to conceal your truth deep within

My words pour through me like clashing symbols
Desperately trying to make a statement
Seeking to grab my attention
But I’m elsewhere
I’m never here
Sometimes I subsist in reveries,
But mostly I suffer through nightmares
with eyes wide open

There is a sickness growing silently within me
But I’m not here to tend to it
I sometimes peel back my armor
and re-enter my body
when I’m with another person
whom I believe might be able to receive me fully,
Someone who could possibly see me and love me
But I’m left stranded
After courageously revealing my tender soul
I guess they were simply too blind to see
My pure, childlike beauty
So I stuff my real self down again,
Down underneath my false representative
Below the surface of my fake identity
Is the only place my real self will ever belong

But I can’t accept that,
It’s not my truth
Maybe social conditioning
tells me I must follow the rules
to fit in
But I don’t want to fit in anymore

I feel something rising within me,
Something latent that I’ve dismissed within me for so long
It is my battlecry,
It is my truest song
I just won’t allow fear to hold me back anymore
I’ve got this one life,
And what is it for?
I may have hit countless rock bottoms
But I’ll always rise,
For with every time I rise
I become stronger,
And wiser
And kinder,
Softer, more weathered
But humbled
With every instance my heart was cracked
It opened
Wider and wider

So you see,
I can’t be what you need me to be
I can’t go back to who I used to be
I must answer to this new life beckoning me
I must rise once again
To invite this process of becoming everything I am meant to be.

kindness bent its wing
to shelter those in need
in doubt of proper things
with speed of mending deeds

stones are smoothed by water's days
winds mountains do lay low
acts heroic pave the way
stem the tides of evening's woe

as sun does set to rise anew
these timely frets will cycle through
as night comes sure like morning light
so to eagles of our vision's flight

-cec

Dear _,
You were the first person
Who made my heart so uneasy
That going hours without your voice,
Made me feel like I was being driven
To the edge of insanity.
When I spilled all I felt
On the ground around your feet,
You were the only person
Who picked up all my tangled thoughts
And kept it close to his heart
With a smile upon his lips.
From that moment on,
I engraved every word you spoke
Onto a little plaque inside my head;
I let the slightest warmth from every touch,
Seep past my skin and into the deepest parts of my bones;
And I read every gesture,
As something done out of love or admiration—
But I always knew that you were unsure.
That the clarity and euphoria
You brought into my each and everyday,
Wasn’t present in yours.
Even so, I held on desperately,
To every word, touch, and gesture.
I picked out each one
And like a tape stuck on replay, they repeated endlessly in my head,
And like an addiction, I couldn’t leave it behind.
Your name left my mouth,
Sometimes so habitually that I would be surprised
To find myself mentioning you
In the middle of a thought about the sky.
—And I still knew you were unsure.
So within this poem you will never read,
I wanted to say how deeply
Sorry I am.
How selfish I have been,
To take your smallest actions
And magnify them so that they would satisfy
My worries and insecurities.
I realized once the mania of my heart settled,
That I’ve been too caught up
Building a castle out of blocks
That might have never been real.
And you’re not to blame,
This time, I chose to hold on to this false hope.
So for the sake of my sanity,
And for the sake of your honest name,
I will step away with the mess I’ve made.
But to be totally honest,
It seems like a lie to tell myself today that
maybe, one day,
I can learn to let you go.
I like you.
Thank you,
__