I waited and I
longed for it so
bad
Impatient, open, wet, spilling over
Desperation leaked out of me
When your mouth
finally
opened and let mine in
I took your tongue
like
Holy Communion
Right then I could
a l r e a d y
taste the emptiness you'd bring
And now here it is
ripping me apart
Here it is
and
here I am
dry heaving
the love that
never existed

Tell me,
How many sips does it take,
How many puffs does it take,
How many pills does it take,
How many sniffs does it take,
How many needles does it take,
To feel the way I do?

I need you in the moment
when I tell my friends I want to die
and they don’t even care
let alone even notice that I’m there

I need you in the moment
when I cry in the middle of the night
and I don’t remember why
let alone why it hurts so much

I need you in the moment
when I take the little courage that I have
and stand up, only for them to dismiss me
let alone change

I need you in the moment
when I show my cuts on display to the world
and the only thing anyone gives is judgement
let alone SAVE ME

I need you in the moment
when everyone else survives
and leaves you to rot in the darkness
let alone comfort me

I need you in the moment
when I realize I’m manipulative
and that this is all my fault
because I’m the problem
in my life
that sabotages my every move
and needs to LEAVE

Because I need you
in that moment
that you’re not there
because you were never anywhere
Let alone here