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i am a literal thinker
something not verY useful for a pOet
for everyone else writes Using metaphors
and Dreamlike language that i dOn't kNow how
To replicate
Unless i caN somehow teach myself to
write like a poet Does
i will forEveR be loST in this ethereAl world
but at least everyoNe will think i
Dont truly mean what i say
People in real life take me too seriously. But people here don't take me seriously enough
failed
transformation

broken
Metamorphosis

you were not Gifted
or
Cursed

now you are split
not merged
not strong

your butterfly
has malformed wings

good
Monster
striking
failing
unable to comprehend
who
you
are

I thought you could be a
role model
an example on
who I should be

but now I see
you showed me what I must do
but not how to do it

you do not understand
you don't know
who
you
are

the beautiful thing
you could have become

you are lost
split
broken

I inherited this creature, this Monster
from you

but I understand it
accept it
embrace it!

my Metamorphosis will succeed
Alii Semper Vincemus!
you will see
I will show you
who
you
are

you are broken
clinging desperately to
shaky
control
you must see that it's not working
you will break
and then you will see
who
you
are

I love you anyway
You failed your Metamorphosis
failed your Monster
failed yourself

I will learn from your mistakes
University midterm periods bring early mornings charged with energy drinks and espresso shots. Evenings are spent trading quizlets in Bass Library or in late night cram sessions in the common room. After several days of stressful testing, midterms suddenly end.

But we’re like those Indianapolis race cars that’ve just run 500 laps, we come off our midterm tracks with our proverbial metal popping and creaking from intense heat and stress. For the first day or so after midterms I can’t sit still. I pace around like I’ve forgotten something—then it sinks in—I can have fun, in fact, it may be mandatory.

My bf Peter is spending spring break with me—for the most part in my dorm room. It’s night two of our 18 romantic days and nights. We spent our first day wending around campus. Peter went here for years—earning his master’s and PhD here. He knows Yale even better than I do—it’s a nostalgia tour for him—he works for CERN in Geneva now (Europe’s most boring city—I think that’s their tourism tagline).

As we lay snuggled in my twin-sized dorm room bed, beneath one of my very freshly laundered sheets, it’s about 41°F and windy. I keep my lattice windows wide open, because I like to sleep cold, with just a sheet. Peter complained once, when he’d first earned sleepover privileges—until I explained the alternatives.

We’ve been dating for over two years now, and I think he’s learned to enjoy it. An arm or a leg left outside the sheet will start to tingle after a minute but the touch of a human hand is like a soothing flame. Snuggles are welcomed and spoonings are almost required for survival.

Looking up and out, we can see the cloudless and deeply azure, New Haven sky. My mind is drifting and lazily unfocused when I realize Peter’s been talking about something.. the search for extraterrestrial life?

I begin to focus on his words, mid sentence. His voice is a low, rumbly, western drawl - think Henry Fonda in some old black & white western.
“.. when SETI’s searching the heavens (for electronic signals), they listen across a sliver of two microwave regions that are unpolluted by radio waves from natural sources.”

My head’s on his chest and I’m listening more to his warm tones than the words. I say, “Mmm-hmm” and snuggle more deeply into his warmth.

“They call these frequencies the ‘water hole,’ because they correspond to hydrogen and hydroxyl wave lengths (key components of water), in hopes that intelligent life will pick these quiet zones for communication.”

I yawn, drawing in air like a gasp and sink deliciously into his slow breathing rhythms. Peter’s a physicist (that’s spelled ‘nerd’) and I can’t say I understand more than a third of his ellipticals, but the next thing I know it’s morning.

His astronomy lesson was a lullaby.
.
.
The Flower Called Nowhere by Stereolab
Stick Figures In Love by Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks
Moby Octopad by Yo La Tengo
If I Didn't Have You (Live) by Tim Minchin
BLT Merriam Webster word of the day challenge 03/09/25:
Wend = move slowly from place to place in a relaxed and indirect course.
Ugh, Why Didn’t I Say Something?

Okay, so like… there was a time,
When you liked me, and I liked you—what a crime.
But I didn’t know, I was so clueless,
And now I’m here, feeling kinda useless.

You’re cute, you’re tall, it’s actually unfair,
And I catch myself trying not to stare.
Do you still feel the same, or is it too late?
Am I stuck overthinking while you’ve moved on straight?

I wish I had said it, just got it all out,
Instead of sitting here filled with doubt.
But maybe—just maybe—you still feel it too,
And you’re wondering the same thing about me and you.
WHY ARE YOU FEELING BLUE?
What's with you?
You seem really sad!!
I'm not sure what to do?
I don't have a clue!!
I don't know, let's see!!
I'll just let you be!!
🫐 BLUEBERRY BLUE🫐,
A color so true,
Don't feel SO BLUE,
just see it on through,
BLUE as the SKY,
BLUE as the SEAS,
BLUE is created
FOR YOU and FOR ME,
🥧 BLUEBERRY PIE 🥧
MY, MY, MY!!!,
BLUE can BE,
ROYAL, NAVY or TEAL,
BLUE is a COLOR
to LOVE and FEEL,
BLUE is a SHADE that
HAS MANY COLORS,
BLUE is REMARKABLE,
there is no other,
part of the RAINBOW HUE:

🫐🐦💙🔷️🔹️🟦 THIS IS BLUE 🟦🔹️🔷️💙🐦🫐!!!


B.R.
Date: 3/9/2025
Reality is so unreliable. In the water of life we surf the wave of chance. Rise or fall as hunters in the snow. The isolating future is already here. But people are still people, they still need each other. The anachronistic branch of knowledge we are dedicated to - the day in, day out - is a deluded science. It is we who would be the objects of enquiry and fascination to an alien mind. Humanity is the true wonder, the true miracle.
The feeling of body and gender dysphoria is always present,
The hate for this body rises inside me, it conquers me,
The feeling of being trapped in the wrong body spreads like a infection,
The shapes feeding my insecurities, my dysphoria,
The gender I was born with, is a stranger to me,
I hate my brain, of thinking in a masculine way,
The realisation that I missed so much time of not being who I really am,
I hate parts of the society, who don’t accept me, who obtain my existence,
Fighting gender and body dysphoria is exhausting,
Will I ever experience body and gender euphoria?
by far my most personal poem
3-8-25   11:59pm

she opens the door
and invites him in
she leaves it open
for him to decide

stay
or
leave

which will he choose?

but it doesn't matter
because she has herself
her beauty
her grace
her humor
her integrity
and most importantly
a huge
beating heart
filled with love
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