(n). an excessive and abnormal love
and deep attraction to music and melody.

I woke up to her silence screaming at my heart
It was a quick punch in the chest, lasting for minutes
Funny, that didn't hurt at all
I didn't stumble, looking for your last words
I didn't have to fight the whispers telling me to keep going
I have grown used to the pain I felt nothing at all
That particular night made me feel hollow
I've always believed it's better to feel something than nothing at all
It didn't bother me anymore

I tried remembering
Remember the first night you had a nightmare and told me it was you being happy with someone else
Remember walking down the street with no one beside you because I walked really slow
Remember going out and not feeling a tiny bit of happy inside
Remember how we fell apart, how we fell apart
Remember how my silence was your music, your lullaby
and how yours was an arrow stabbing me over and over
Remember how you fell asleep crying, asking me to never cross the line
Remember when you had a dream about being with someone else and didn't even flinch about it
Remember how I stayed up all night, on your bed side, trying to pick up all your broken pieces and putting them back together
Remember how I tried to put you back together, blood in my hands, for you to wake up whole again
Remember how I saw you whole, complete, again but I knew then it wasn't for me
Remember how desperately I tried to keep up with your busy life, whatever it took, I did
Remember how the words slipping out of your tongue were all out of routine, all the I love you's and the apologies
Even the silences were not genuine
Remember how all the butterflies went back to being just stupid caterpillars
Remember how you pushed me away and told me to leave you alone, I stood there out in the cold, waiting for you to take it back
Remember how you eventually fell in love with someone else and never told me about it
Remember how the flowers I gave you didn't look pretty on your table anymore, but somewhere hidden, maybe at the back of the closet
Remember all those times you kept me as a secret, I sat there in awe of how capable you are of killing me
Remember when I asked why, and you hesitated
Remember how I emptied myself for you just to make you feel like you have something inside
Remember how I poured myself, everything that I am, to you, but you still chose to be empty

**I still remember how you forgot.

I hate birds but I've been teaching them how to sing
For you
Even though you lurk in the
Depths of my mind - surfacing
Momentarily at all of the wrong times
Torturing me
Alluring
Exhilarating- me
                        I could not imagine a single
                        Millisecond that you are not
                        Behind my eyes
I could not go a day without internally hearing your voice -
                       You are the ocean and I am the
                       Smallest crustacean - a bottom feeder
                       You are the moon and I am the sun
                       I die everyday so that you can
                       Breathe  
I could not live this life without you  
Even if it is spent away from you -
You are here
Within me
                      You are in every song I hear
                      Every sunset I see
                      Every inch of me burns with your touch
                      Why did I not leave a space of my own?
1, 1,00, 100,000 years from now
Even after out souls have returned to
Their rightful homes-
Yours the tress and mine
The constellations (opposites) I will love you
You will always be the first rock -
                       That started my landside
                       The first disturbance that caused my
                       Avalanche
The center of my being, my world, my galaxy, my universe
                       I want to die like this
If love were a window you were
The whole **** house

My mouth still lingers with the flavor of cigarettes
and all I can taste is you.

My hair still is brisk and musky like the woods
and all I can smell is you.

My eyes still burn from the cold on that late winter day
and all I can see is you.

My skin still itches from the wool scarf you gave to me
and all I can feel is you.

My ears still ring from the song you wrote
and all I can hear is you.

My mind still sits in awe of the way you are
and all I can think about is you.

She wore flowers in her hair
And anger in her eyes
Had a strong hate for her father
And thought birthdays were stupid

He memorized every notch in her spine
And made a home for himself in the gaps between her fingers
Playing dot-to-dot with her freckles,
Became his new favorite hobby

Tattoos adorned his arms
Expressing himself in ways words never could, for ink could not stutter
He smoked too many cigarettes, and gazed at her through hooded eyes
The kind that could only be found in the depths of the alleyways you avoided

She looked at him as if he had hand selected the stars,
And was responsible for the moon
Right next to her love for the Rolling Stones, he was there
Swimming through her bloodstream

He had deceived himself into believing he did not love her
For she was his Abigail Williams
And she always said,
"God damns all liars"

I've felt fire honey
& i've known what it feels like to get burnt
then I took one look at you
and decided I was right
this must be what sunlight tastes like
it must burn