Loss of you
Has left me blue
Filled with hate
My loves abate
To find another
My one desire
To fill the space
Unfillable
Forever empty
Without you here

Lighting
Oh so beautiful
Lighting up the sky
Long, fingerlike projectiles
Racing through the darkness
Lighting everything in its path
Yet, child, be wary
It is not unlike a leopard
Sleek and graceful
Yet dangerous if you attempt to harness it
'Tis akin to a wild animal
Yet so beautiful

when you are in love with the way
the sun bends to the west
as it lays roses on billowed light
the movements of the heartless wanderer
shatter in the fragments of the broken moon
the stillness of the soft glare of glazed eyes
melt a sorrow sound of infinite lust
and I break my fear of losing a love
I have never truly claimed.

for Kenneth LaRosh*

"All are clear, I alone am clouded." -- Lao Tzu

Those definite days, when I still fooled
Myself into unnatural mind-states,
When I knew myself, but tricked
Others obliviously--
Those days be ******.
Now, my thoughts racked
With an equivocal polarity,
My heart uncertain to its very core,
I walk,
Reborn in ignorance,
Clouded, yet not unclear.

I shall return again; I shall return
To laugh and love and watch with wonder-eyes
At golden noon the forest fires burn,
Wafting their blue-black smoke to sapphire skies.
I shall return to loiter by the streams
That bathe the brown blades of the bending grasses,
And realize once more my thousand dreams
Of waters rushing down the mountain passes.
I shall return to hear the fiddle and fife
Of village dances, dear delicious tunes
That stir the hidden depths of native life,
Stray melodies of dim remembered runes.
I shall return, I shall return again,
To ease my mind of long, long years of pain.

Seeing him happy was my daily pill
That is the truth I cannot conceal
Holding his hands was my only remedy
It makes me tough and sturdy

His glance melts my soul within
His smile tickles my chin
I will never ask for more
Even if this love gives me a sore

Seeing him holding that girl's hand
I just wanna dig myself down to that sand
Bury myself with this kind of love
Loving a boy which I can never have.

I can wait forever.

22 years ago you bled for me
in the years that followed you led for me
never once have you fled from me
you would find yourself dead for me
before you would find me hurt
and for that i love you
more than words

I feel sad again
I don't know why

I play around with it in my head
But there's still no reason why

Maybe it's because I fail at all I try
Maybe it's because I am not special
Maybe it's because I'm too weak
Maybe it's for no reason at all
Maybe my outlook is simply too bleak

Suicide; I haven't thought of how
In a long time
Suicide; I have thought of  when
Maybe now

It seems as good a time as any
But how to do it?
The choices again are too many.

I tried it once and failed
(Story of my life)
A halfhearted attempt derailed

I am sad again
I don't know why
I am deep
Below the sky

Help!
I shout
In my head
Help!
I never shout
Out loud
Again why?

Oh let me cry
I want to weep but I can't
And here again WHY

I feel alone
My heart beat frozen
I want to show how I feel
On the out side
But it never seems right
I am a in a solo fight
Again
WHY?

I'm heavy and fat
But I hate the heavy feeling that stops my simile
But I hate the heaving feeling that keeps me in bed
I hate the heavy feeling hovering all the while
I hate the heavy feeling that's rotting my head.
I'm fat and I hate it but I'm sad and I hate it more
This heaving feeling I abhor

Am I rotten?
Am I rotting?
I don't see the point
Is there one?

I am sad
Again
I don't know why

The pain is too much and has been going on for far too long
Good things never last and bad things find a way to stay
I feel abandoned and alone
I feel like I have no home

Lost in a dark forest
It's black and all around are the screams of who I used to be
In the distance I see a tall black tree
On it a rope
I tie it around my neck and set myself free